I much prefer forking
She was the big spoon.
She says to me: "no farting allowed!"
My response: "how about a-quiet?"
edit: For those asking: "allowed" sounds like "a loud" as in a loud fart. "a quiet" would be a quiet fart ie: silent but deadly
How it got stuck up her butt I'd never know.
It was jarring!!!
...she was an LPN.
We had a Don't Bother Checking account.
My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.
Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.
For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.
My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").
We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."
We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.
My pillow only had one side.
Repossession was 9/10 of the law.
Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.
Our scotch tape was scots-irish.
(I'm allowed)
My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.
One year Santa had to bring stockings.
The next year he filled them with nooses.
I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.
Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.
They just didn't give a fork...
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux
Because its non stick.
Source: my actual Dad.
It was a stirring tribute.
There is no spoon.
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I'll tell you ladle.
Paint yourself green and throw spoons at them
Guy 1: I heard that the main character kept stabbing people on the set filming Legally Blonde. I can't remember her full name. It was Reese..... something. She just kept attacking people one by one but I don't know who it was.
Guy 2: Witherspoon
Guy 1: No...... with her knife. Who would be that stupid to use a spoon to hurt over.
I said I’d rather fork.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
I guess I'm just knife like that.
I complained to the owner, but even she didn’t give a fork.
Which is why I mixed my drink with a spoon instead.
That wasn't knife
Because there is no spoon
now i'm dying inside
Fork over the cash
He called it Mister Spork.
How very un-ladle-like!
Invitation said to look sharp.
He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I felt there was no knead
They were spooning
A trucker came into a Truck Stop Café and placed his order with the waitress. He said "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "'three flat tires' mean three pancakes; 'a pair of headlights' are two eggs sunny side up; and 'a pair of running boards' are 2 slices of crisp bacon!"
"Oh.. OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
I told her to get the fork away from me.
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
