I had real trouble getting a spoon out of the dishwasher.

How it got stuck up her butt I'd never know.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?

They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux

πŸ‘︎ 383
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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I’m Russian to the kitchen for a spoon πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesDesign11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...

They just didn't give a fork...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna need a bigger spoon
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gerb99meister
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...

It was jarring!!!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farhan_Hyder
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Spoons!
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluequick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goongoof
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When I graduated culinary school my parents gave me a gold-plated spoon.

It was a stirring tribute.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?

Because its non stick.

Source: my actual Dad.

πŸ‘︎ 577
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LippyHippy23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Trucker's Breakfast

A trucker came intoΒ  a Truck Stop CafΓ© and placed his order with the waitress. He said "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said.Β  "'three flat tires' mean three pancakes; 'a pair of headlights' are two eggs sunny side up; and 'a pair of running boards' are 2 slices of crisp bacon!"

"Oh.. OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrBobShelton_74
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?

He finally found the scoop he was looking for.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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Spooning often leads to forking.

But what about sporking?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeromeGBGB
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
She asked if I wanted to spoon.

I said I’d rather fork.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dpforest
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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What's the best type of spoon.

I'll tell you ladle.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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Eating life with a big spoon
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I always spoon a woman after I fork them

I guess I'm just knife like that.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Balsuks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s Reese with her spoon
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joaxaround
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Had a horrible experience dining out last night. The waiter made us eat our spaghetti with a spoon.

I complained to the owner, but even she didn’t give a fork.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cynid3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons

That wasn't knife

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My son thinks it's getting to me when he complains about me serving his scrambled eggs with a spoon.

But, I just don't give a fork.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itim__office
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking

In chemistry you should never lick the spoon

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpookyWeebou
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Captain Kirk finally came up with a name for his invention: a cross between a hose nozzle, a spoon, and a fork.

He called it Mister Spork.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gecko_echo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:

How very un-ladle-like!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magic7ball
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I ate a spoon of food color

now i'm dying inside

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gay_edgelord
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?

Invitation said to look sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chexmp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chivrak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call clothings for spoons?

Silverwear

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/g0t__em
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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I pead my pants
πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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At Thanksgiving, my brother tried to carve the turkey with a grapefruit spoon.

He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...

It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasthetanker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
This bread recipe said to combine all ingredients with a spoon, or if you prefer, use your hands.

I felt there was no knead

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/isarealboy13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why were the utensils stuck together?

They were spooning

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was hassling me because I was eating my ravioli with a spoon.

I told her to get the fork away from me.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clit_or_us
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.

It’s un-fork-edible.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drfelixhoenikker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife tell me she likes spooning in bed

I much prefer forking

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slartibartfastBB
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the kid that microwaved a spoonful of yogurt?

It was a real culture shock.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlazeCasting
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I always lie behind my wife's back and I hate it...

I want to be the little spoon too sometimes.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaTb0i8u
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
R.I.G. (Spoon Rest)
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riverotterr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2017
🚨︎ report
I passed my forklift test today. I did very well.

My carer says I should be able to try the spoon tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend the other day while spooning

She was the big spoon.

She says to me: "no farting allowed!"

My response: "how about a-quiet?"

edit: For those asking: "allowed" sounds like "a loud" as in a loud fart. "a quiet" would be a quiet fart ie: silent but deadly

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sonicmantis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2016
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend while washing dishes: Damn tea spoons! They're always causing shit!

Me: I guess you could call them little stirrers

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?

He finally found the scoop he was looking for.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If you lick the icing off a spoon...

Are you defrosting it?

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chivrak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report

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