Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.
They’re changing their name to Knockers.
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
- If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
- Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
- Can't spell virus without U and I.
- Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
- I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
- Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
- Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.
credit: some facebook post i saw.
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
This is as close as I could get.
My college friend got accepted to a social group by having to float out in the bay to mark a channel for their boats....
If a painter records videos of himself painting and posts them on social media,
is he considered a recording artist?
I just learned that now we have to social-distance at the beach and mark a 6-foot perimeter!
Well, I'm drawing a line in the sand.
How do you measure a social media influencer’s popularity?
Did you hear about the letter X being the most anti-social letter in the alphabet?
Everyone knows why but him.
Social distancing isn't just a recommendation, it's a commandment.
Thou shall not COVID thy neighbor's house
If Post Malone uploads a photo of himself on social media...
Does he therefore Post Malone?
Experts warn that all this social distancing is causing a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression.
The Flat Earth Society is especially worried. They think their members might be driven over the edge.
If you dance with someone who's 6 feet away, you can call it Social disDancing.
My dad is a social distancing champ !
I haven't seen him since 2005
Why are hippies good at social distancing?
Because they are used to being spaced out.
What’s a frogs favourite social site?
You know what I'm using to help maintain social distancing?
What do you call a bear who takes a break from social media?
What do you call sick highschoolers who practice social distancing?
I am learning to cope with social distancing.
I heard Mike Bloomberg isn't actually social distancing...
He says he stays at 6 feet, but we all know he stands at 5'8".
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer
What do you call someone who’s paid to share videos of them self sneezing on social media?
WARNING- If you dont social distance yourself now, you will
What cheese is best at social distancing?
Provalone
(not really original...just adapted to current times)
As we continue to deal with the mask wearing, social distancing and uncertainty through the coming weeks, we can’t lose sight of how important it is to continue taking these precautions.
As much as it sucks, it’s better to be safe than SARS-y
Army soldiers can't comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement.
But everyone in the Navy can fathom it.
Right now everyone in Cleveland is taking social distancing very seriously. Even the walkway around the lake is empty
We should all become social vegans
Ever since this social distancing thing started
Everyone's been so spaced out.
Why did the military general refuse to use social media?
It was his personal creed to never surrender or retweet.
I’m a real social guy, I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...
I will not be practicing social distancing..
I am much safer with my usual anti social distancing.
Stay inside, practise social distancing and keep clean...
Meow meow meow, we are becoming cats 🐈
What do you call a cannibal social gathering?
What is Thanos's favourite social media messaging app?
For over 30,000 years humans gave each other social "likes" by sharing beads made from ostrich eggs.
I guess you might call them emu-jis.
I don't practice "social distancing."
After 30 years of social anxiety and a deep disgust of humanity in general, I operate on an "expert" level.
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.
I think she’s in love with me.
Which social network has the most avid readers in the world?
What social media app do cows use?
Spider lists its profession on social media
This year is a godsend for every optometrist's social media marketing campaign.
My wife complained that my life revolving around social media has destroyed the way we communicate as a family...
My doctor said that my narcissistic tendencies cause me to misread social interactions.
But I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me
Found on social media...
I've got some racing geese to give away...
Let me know if you want to take a quick gander.
I'm going on a social media fast
I'll see you all next year ✌️
What do you call a fight between E.T. and a nerd with no social life?
What is the difference between an embarrassing social situation and a fake dad?
Nothing, they're both faux pas.
I hate social media, honestly
We are holding our annual social anxiety conference this weekend.
We hope to have more than 1 person show up this year.
I got a social media account a while back.
Why are Vegans considered as anti-social?
Cause they never meat-up.
If there are any vegans reading this please don't start a beef.
Why do people hate reposts on this social network?
Because they’ve already reddit.
Thanos has a favorite social media
Hey guys, anybody else with social anxiety wanna meet up tomorrow?
Oh wait, Shit, I can't go, I am too busy
Maybe another time
I am so sorry
That Social Media Book?Already Reddit.
I tried making an anti social media platform.
But it never went anywhere.
What is Thanos' favorite social media playform?
My friend is a pretty unsuccessful farmer. But he tries a lot to promote his business on social media by providing a new profile picture every 3 months. Unfortunately the picture always seems to have his head or side chopped off a bit.
Another season, another bad crop.
What do you call a social justice warrior fish?
wearing a fursuit is a social faux paw
My daughter yesterday: "Dad you're like a social vegan..."
"You avoid 'meet' whenever possible".
Clearly I've raised her well.
What is an anti-social vegan?
The pig mascot of the local college's male social organization died, so they decided to sell its meat...
They called them Frat Brats.
Did you hear about the social media app the D.E.A made?
What do you call a depressed rapper on social media?
Have you heard of the new book about social media?
My Son asked if I wanted a book about Social Media
I told him: “No thanks I already Reddit”
If it existed, what kind of social networking site would Jesus use?
State of social media today.
What do you call back pain from being on social media for long periods of time?
Whenever I get to a party or social gathering I would always talk about my late wife.
She’d usually arrive about a half hour after.
My social media news feed keeps showing a former vice president dancing to a beat...
... It must be Facebook's Al Gore rhythms.
What happens if you get a question about communism on the Social Studies test?
You're likely to lose Marx
Whenever I go to a social event, I always bring a pick
The perfect social media platform for a so called "army of one"
I imagine he/she'd like to hang out in r/me.
What do you call a step dad who makes awkward comments in social situations?
I caught a bunch of social justice warriors in my yard digging up large wooden stakes
They said the posts had to be removed before they caused a fence
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing
But this is as close as I could get
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
But this is as close as I can get.
Social Distancing.
Day 5 of social distancing:
I struck up a conversation with a spider today! He was nice, his name is Dave, and he’s a web designer!
Introverts are social vegans who avoid meet
What do you call a fight between a Martian and a nerd with no social life?
I'm A Social Vegan.
I Avoid Meet.
( I'm An Anti-Social , I Avoid Meeting )
What is Thanos's favorite social media platform?
Whats thanos’ favorite social media?
What social media does thanos use?
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