You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
Did you hear about Dr. Suess' new book about a Japanese warrior in the town of Whoville?
A Warrior with a Sense of Style
Why do I always get a sinking feeling when I watch the Titanic?
Just floating the question out there.... Can anyone give me a tip?
Historians have proved that people from every zodiac sign survived the Sinking of the Titanic
He was told there was a leak under the sink
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink…
No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
I purchased a new kitchen sink and the delivery man never told me he left in on my doorstep. Sat there all day
Did you hear about the guy who lit a fire in his canoe and caused it to sink?
It just goes to show, you can't have your kayak and heat it too!
Why do ships and boats sink all the time?
Because they don't know how to swim
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
Did you know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence?
For example
- I ate my friend's lunch
- I ate my friend's colon
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
A toilet, a urinal and a very drunk sink are all at the front of a club, fighting and arguing with the bouncer to allow them and their extremely intoxicated friend inside.
Repeatedly shouting “Let that sink in!”
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
The CEO of IKEA was just selected as the Prime Minister of Sweden
He’s assembling his cabinet.
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
Wife was at the doctor’s office yesterday and texted me that she’s tired of waiting.
I told her to…be patient.
I’m a new dad of a five-month old baby and I was quite proud of this moment.
The CEOs of Miller, Bud, and Guinness walk into a bar
The bartender asks what they'd like.
The executive of Miller orders a Miller Lite, so the bartender gives it to him. The executive of Bud orders a Bud Light, and he's given one. The bartender looks at the CEO of Guinness, and he asks for a Coke. The bartender, bewildered, hands him the Coke and asks why he didn't order a Guinness. In reply, he said,
"I figured if those two weren't drinking beer, then neither would I!"
What is the opposite of isolate?
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
All hail the holy antlers of the deer god
It just occurred to me that the opposite of Artificial Intelligence is …
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
The Adventures of the Mathmagician (an educational and punny comic).
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
what's at the end of the rainbow?
All hail to the frontline warriors, and obviously all hell to corona
An American ship is sinking off the German coast.
The captain goes to use the radio to get help and says “we’re sinking! We’re sinking!”
The German operator answers “what are you sinking about?”
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
If someone told me tomorrow is the start of a new month...
Did you know Bruce Lee had much less known younger brother? He never said much and stayed out of the public eye.
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
How do you tell the sex of an ant? You drop it in water. It sinks: girl ant. It floats:...
My grandpa warned people the titanic would sink
No one listened but he kept warning them until people got sick of him and threw him out of the cinema.
How to tell the sex of an ant. Drop it in water. If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats....
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
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