Good news is, I’m cured!
"Canteens?" he asked.
"No, it doesn't matter what age," I replied.
It turns out Kim Jong is not the il-est.
A very proactive step to reduce the likelihood of anything else going viral.
Apparently the prose outweighed the cons.
I told him if he wanted to muck around with a 80amp 2.4Kw 120volt dimmer while it was hot, more power to him.
(I work in a theater)
They log off.
Well that’s bazaar, I thought.
I have a sore throat
It is still gonna take a few years to realise that.
I got a text from my mobile provider saying I’d exceeded my monthly Data allowance.
I’ve been in a very dark place.
He always liked loafing around.
I hear it’s cause they don’t want Covid going around....
I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.
They fired all Naan essential staff.
A quack addict.
I can’t stand all the Tick Talk.
We’re closed, beat it!
Some stories have hooks.
This story has a bloody good one.
It's about love—
Or at least marriage.
My marriage.
At heart, it's your typical fish out of water story, but like I said there's a hook.
The hook's in the beginning.
Although it's really the tail end that's most moving—at least now, when our love's drying up.
Understand:
I'm a fisherman, and I caught my wife with another man.
Well, I caught the man first.
I used Craigslist.
But I suppose the details don't really matter. It's enough to know that by the time he was naked in the shed it was too late for him to change his mind.
He broke down easily. He wasn't particularly thick skinned.
That's where the hook came in—
pushed through a fold of flesh on his back.
He wasn't much in the size department, but I didn't intend for him to get hung up on it. Unfortunately, he kept trying to escape, so what choice did I have? Then he seemed quite insecure, so I pierced him with another steel hook just in case.
Like I said:
Bloody good hook.
After he stopped struggling, I took him down and dragged him to my boat. Then we went fishing.
Hold on, though.
I may need to backtrack a little, because you may be wondering how I even knew she was out there.
The answer is: I'd already seen her swimming a few times.
It was love at first sight.
Like many couples nowadays we met on the net.
So back to when I was fishing:
I was in my boat with the Craigslist man with the steel hooks in his back. I had tied a thick rope to one of the hooks, placed the man onto a net, and pushed them both overboard. He splashed and choked, attracting a lot of attention.
I waited for her call.
It came.
She sounded so near to me.
When she swam just close enough to the Craigslist man in the water, I pulled in the net—and there she was: shining, mine to the gills and writhing so enticingly!
I took her ashore.
I placed her in a water tank and told her she would be my wife.
I screwed her—
shut.
For days I watched her bang—
on the glass.
Until one day it happened: the glass cracked, the tank broke open, and with the water she spilled onto the floor.
Now here I am, watching my marriage fall apart.
Her gills are barely stirring.
Her face: dry and still.
It's only her scaly tail that's still gently moving.
I caught my wife with another man. I met her on the net. I thought our love would last forever, but now, listening to her shriek, I realize I was catfished! I wanted to marry a siren—but this thing is nothing
... keep reading on reddit ➡Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
No followers.
The doctor arrives and after a quick inspection he calms the crowd:
“Don’t worry, he just got disco-nnected.”
Oh, put a sock in it!
I am having an eggs essential crisis.
You can count me in.
"Buying him gave me a porpoise in life."
Yes, they Dis-Banded.
No pun in ten did.
To avoid cross contamination
I replied, "ask your mom. The reason is a parent."
Tie their hands behind their back
As soon as we got home he made a bolt for the door.
She still isn't talking to me
She's a mathamachicken.
They just suspended animation.
Maybe, they just want each other to shut the fcuk up.
He said it was an open and shut case.
....just to watch him dye.
I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.
I said “No sun”
