I used to be a shepherd, but I got fired...
...for falling asleep during inventory.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
My German Shepherd asked me for a snack
At least, I think that's what it was. I don't speak a word of German.
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︎ Feb 08 2021
99% of German Shepherds...
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︎ Jan 27 2021
If you tend sheep then you are a shepherd. If you tend cow then you are.....
The most important Dad at the annual neighborhood end of Summer barbeque bash!
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︎ Dec 22 2020
What did the farmer yell to the shepherds who ran away after their flocks ate all his grass?
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︎ Jan 10 2021
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard, and taking poops on my flower bed.
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︎ Dec 29 2020
They asked shepherd
- "How many sheep do you have?"
- "I don't know. Every time I start counting them, I fall asleep."
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︎ Dec 05 2020
I bought a German shepherd today and named him Lord.
Now I can truly say the Lord is my shepherd
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︎ Aug 23 2020
I painted a German Shepherd
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︎ Jan 20 2020
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.
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︎ Sep 26 2020
Do you know what one shepherd said to the other shepherd?
Let's get the flock out of here.
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︎ Aug 24 2020
What does a shepherd tell their sheep when they get testy?
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︎ Aug 21 2020
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?"
"I'm a spy"
"A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
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︎ Apr 07 2020
Sheepdog: That's all 50 sheep Shepherd: What? We should have only 47
Sheepdog: I know, I rounded them up
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︎ Mar 11 2020
How do German Shepherds greet each other?
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︎ Nov 03 2018
Why did they call Greenpeace when the shepherd died ?
Greenpeace can stop Wailing Sheeps (Whaling Ships)
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︎ Apr 24 2020
This German shepherd comes has a poo on my lawn every day !
Yesterday he brought a dog along
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︎ Apr 01 2020
I know that Shepherdβs Pies donβt contain Shepherds and Cottage Pies arenβt made from cottages, but with meat pies...
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︎ Mar 05 2020
Why did the little shepherd go to the hospital?
...because he had a little staff (staph).
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︎ Mar 17 2020
Shepherd: Did you get all the sheep in?
Sheepdog: Yep. All 30 of them.
Shepherd: We've only got 28 sheep.
Sheepdog: I rounded them up.
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︎ Oct 17 2019
You know what my Australian Shepherd's favorite cheese is?
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︎ Nov 08 2019
I'd tell you about my German Shepherd shedding in the carpet
But it's really just a doggy shag story.
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︎ Sep 12 2019
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an asshole and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
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︎ May 14 2019
Introducing my grandpa to my boyfriend..
Me:This is my grandpa, he use to be a boxer
Grandpa: yeah, but now I am a German Shepherd
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︎ Feb 18 2021
How do you greet a German Shepherd in their native language?
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︎ Oct 25 2018
What did the shepherd exclaim after the snow storm?
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︎ Mar 31 2019
A friend of mine is a shepherd.
He asked me if I'd help his round up his sheep.
I asked, "how many sheep do you have?"
"67", he said.
"Ok then", I said, "70".
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︎ Mar 05 2019
German Shepherd
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︎ Nov 03 2015
I was bitten by a German Shepherd last week.
He caught me stealing a sheep from his farm in DΓΌsseldorf.
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︎ Jan 27 2019
Is it called a ewe turn because that's what happens when one sees a pervy shepherd coming?
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︎ Mar 14 2018
Q: What did one shepherd say to the other after seeing a wolf in the distance?
Let's get the flock out of here.
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︎ Oct 23 2015
How do you know if your dog is an Australian Shepherd?
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︎ Aug 27 2018
What did the sheep say to the shepherd?
Stop it! You're herding me!!
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︎ Jul 10 2017
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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︎ Dec 11 2016
Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?
When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.
When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.
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︎ Jun 17 2020
I just read an early draft of The Empire Strikes Back...
...Yoda originally spent part of his exile as a shepherd.
All the sheep, Dagobah.
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︎ Jul 29 2020
Give me your cheesiest cheese puns!
For a Halloween party this year, I'm going as Cheesus Christ, the Gouda Shepherd.
That being said, I need to prepare an absolute onslaught of cheese related puns for maximum eye-rolls.
Give me your worst best, Reddit!
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︎ Oct 30 2019
Sheep dog: here are your 40 sheep!
Shepherd: Wait, I only had 37!
Sheep dog: I know, I rounded them up!
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︎ Mar 31 2020
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︎ Aug 14 2015
I got a dog from Germany and named it The Lord
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︎ Nov 06 2019
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
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︎ Oct 17 2019
My dad pulled this one at dinner last night
My mom made stuffed peppers with with Shepherd's pie ground beef instead of stuffed pepper mix. So my dad goes... "I guess these are Shepherd's Peppers!"
He couldn't wait to spit that one out and had a great big laugh. Then told it again because my mom wasn't in the room.
Edit.. I don't think some people know the food involved. Stuffed peppers are these. And shepherds pie is this
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︎ Nov 04 2014
The expression "Red sky at morning, sailors take warning" is really foreboding.
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︎ Aug 27 2014
Red sky at night: shepherdβs delight. Blue sky at night:
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︎ Sep 25 2019
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight
meat and potatoes, shepherd's pie.
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︎ Jul 06 2017
What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd?
Let's get the flock outta here.
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︎ Jun 22 2017
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