My gaming buddy who works at Walter Reed told that he knows who the impostor is

He told me he "saw orange vented".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GasDoves
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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I was playing the song "In Memory of Elizabeth Reed" by the Allman Brothers for my ten year old daughter. She asked me how long ago I first heard the song. When I told her I heard it when it was first released, 50 years ago, She said,

"Was it called "In Honor of Elizabeth Reed" back then?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marycartlizer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Why can’t a reed knife be too sharp?

Because that’s not natural

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdangwangpang
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Give this one a β€œreed”:
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jussymane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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What do you call a homeless reed player?

A hoboist.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gkmchardy44
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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My reed organ never seems to play the right notes...

I guess it wasn’t manufactured in accordionce with the standards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffyglof
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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For sale: Slightly used double-reed woodwind. Missing an E...

$50 OBO.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2014
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I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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I took my clarinet back to the music shop,

"I don't know what it is," I said, "I can only seem to be able to play one tune on it, Perfect Day, nothing else seems right or in tune."

"Let's have a look," said the assistant as he dismantled my clarinet.

"Ha, there's the problem, looks like it was fitted with a Lou Reed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Thor Walks Into a Bar

The bartender says, β€œLeave your hammer at the door, we don’t serve mjΓΆnirs here.”

I know it’s a bit of a stretch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redepia
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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What happened when Moses walked through an Orchestra?

The parting of the reed sea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erisednox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.

There was no coffin at the funeral.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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Have you heard about the new book about bamboo?

It’s a great reed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grantlouwagie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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The story of Kenneth Lamar Noid

The following story is true.

Perhaps you have heard of The Noid. He was a character created by Domino's Pizza to act as a villain who would attempt to make your pizza taste crappy due to lack of freshness. Thankfully, according to Domino's, The Noid could easily be foiled by their 30 minute delivery guarantee.

On January 30, 1989, a man by the name of Kenneth Lamar Noid took the creation of the little guy as a personal attack on his character. Not one to take such a slight lying down, Mr. Noid took a Domino's location in Atlanta hostage, forcing them to make a special pizza and salad against their will. His demands included $100,000, getaway transportation, and a copy of the hit science fiction novel, "The Widow's Son".

Eventually, Mr. Noid surrendered to the police. After the incident, when reached for comment about Mr. Noid, Police Chief Reed Miller was quoted as saying, "He's paranoid."

Thank you for your time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/salty904
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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Heard a weird sound at a friends house....

Her daughter was playing with the reed from her oboe. Guess she was just reeding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elevatorlovin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2014
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