I had a dog named Trump that I had to take back to the shelter

He kept on Biden me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter…

Let that sink in…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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I live near an atomic shelter and in my encounters with it, it never lied and always kept its word

Now that's what I call structural integrity

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prashantuprety8
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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During the pandemic, I plan to build a new underground shelter to live in.

It's my new digs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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What did the brewer say to the baker during shelter in place?

At yeast we have each other!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jessieface13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you're a saint.

Go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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Since the government's instituted shelter-in-place orders, lions have been roaming main street...

It's a Pride Parade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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Inmates seem happiest when sleeping in canvas camp shelters...

They're con-tented at least.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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Do you know what a soldier's favorite type of shelter is?

A tan hut!!

Ps, my buddy who is a marine hates me for this joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sickboy314
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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We get to foster a shelter dog for a while to fill the place of our beloved late dog.

We'll just call it a subwoofer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_hardeeharhar_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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What do you call the only dog that isn’t barking a the shelter?

A diamond in the ruff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazarBear360
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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The undead not having to factor food and shelter into their cost of living is a clear example of wight privilege.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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I volunteer at a shelter and this guinea pig's name is Piggy Smalls.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AristonD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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I took my daughter to adopt a cat at the shelter. I was surprised we had to sign an itemized legal contract with expected costs. When I told the clerk I thought rescuing a cat would be free...

She told me ”Dad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.” I’m so proud!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarynxm
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow and she’s wanted to get a new cat (recently lost our old one), so my son and I got a cat from the animal shelter, put her gently into a large gift bag and brought her home. Before I could shut my driver door my son ran inside and ruined the surprise...

Can’t believe he let the cat out of the bag.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5d2248650
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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I inherited my grandfather's tax shelter today

http://imgur.com/C5p5it9

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/photoguy11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife got a dog with no legs from a shelter and asked what I wanted to name him

I said it doesn’t matter what we call him, he’s not gonna come to us

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mackaygeorge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can animal shelters be moved so quickly?

Because they only weigh one pound

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironfist221
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
If in an earthquake, take shelter with a horse.

Their houses are always stable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RuneShine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Local pastry chef brings nightly donations to food shelter

Not all heroes wear crepes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omnomnosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
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I wish I had more time to work the animal shelter

They keep hounding me to come back in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxIIU2IIxX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad and I used to volunteer to "socialize" with the friendly cats at the animal shelter

"I like my cats how I like my women: desperate and incarcerated"

Edit: I told my dad I posted this here. He's happy about the upvotes but also mad because "MY JOKES ARE FUNNY, GOD DAMMIT"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggmarie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
🚨︎ report
So I was at the Animal Shelter the other day looking at cats. All of a sudden, they all escaped!

What a Catastrophe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CalvinMill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
🚨︎ report
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report

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