I had a dog named Trump that I had to take back to the shelter
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter…
I live near an atomic shelter and in my encounters with it, it never lied and always kept its word
Now that's what I call structural integrity
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
During the pandemic, I plan to build a new underground shelter to live in.
What did the brewer say to the baker during shelter in place?
At yeast we have each other!
Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you're a saint.
Go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind.
Since the government's instituted shelter-in-place orders, lions have been roaming main street...
Inmates seem happiest when sleeping in canvas camp shelters...
They're con-tented at least.
Do you know what a soldier's favorite type of shelter is?
A tan hut!!
Ps, my buddy who is a marine hates me for this joke
We get to foster a shelter dog for a while to fill the place of our beloved late dog.
We'll just call it a subwoofer.
What do you call the only dog that isn’t barking a the shelter?
The undead not having to factor food and shelter into their cost of living is a clear example of wight privilege.
I volunteer at a shelter and this guinea pig's name is Piggy Smalls.
I took my daughter to adopt a cat at the shelter. I was surprised we had to sign an itemized legal contract with expected costs. When I told the clerk I thought rescuing a cat would be free...
She told me ”Dad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.” I’m so proud!
It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow and she’s wanted to get a new cat (recently lost our old one), so my son and I got a cat from the animal shelter, put her gently into a large gift bag and brought her home. Before I could shut my driver door my son ran inside and ruined the surprise...
Can’t believe he let the cat out of the bag.
I inherited my grandfather's tax shelter today
My wife got a dog with no legs from a shelter and asked what I wanted to name him
I said it doesn’t matter what we call him, he’s not gonna come to us
Why can animal shelters be moved so quickly?
Because they only weigh one pound
If in an earthquake, take shelter with a horse.
Their houses are always stable.
Local pastry chef brings nightly donations to food shelter
Not all heroes wear crepes
I wish I had more time to work the animal shelter
They keep hounding me to come back in.
My dad and I used to volunteer to "socialize" with the friendly cats at the animal shelter
"I like my cats how I like my women: desperate and incarcerated"
Edit: I told my dad I posted this here. He's happy about the upvotes but also mad because "MY JOKES ARE FUNNY, GOD DAMMIT"
So I was at the Animal Shelter the other day looking at cats. All of a sudden, they all escaped!
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter.
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