Houses Puns

Because communication is key

Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit

It was shelf defense.

Solid, liquid and gas

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Me: Can we change the subject?

Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

That way, I always make a grand entrance.

igloos it together

Mumbai.

I told him kindergarten

All the crows were just sitting in my tree...

After I dug into the details of a theoretical zombie crisis and the entrances and exits of our home, I settled on the master bedroom.

My son sighs and says, "the living room."

High five buddy, you got me.

Were these people born in a Barnes and Noble or something?

Of course! Houses can't jump.

The results were shocking

"How do you know they were sad if they were wearing balaclavas?" I asked.

My wife says it will look too boring, but I think it will be egg siding.

The difference is staggering

But it was arson

and one of the furniture was very nice to me. It turned out to be hospitable.

It becomes a warehouse.

Credit to Haldzur, the newest dad in our party.

Luckily I caught the flue

I won $20

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They're now covered and smothered.

Because he got rid of all his hose.

My goodness, I wonder who with.

"Stairs don't talk!"

I said, “Oi, what’s your game?”

It's a hostal takeover.

Steal.

Courtesy of my daughter.

The difference is staggering

Because it has shingles.

Doctors are calling it stalk home syndrome.

Edit: You folks are way too generous. Thanks a lot.

I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there ..

Because houses can't jump very high.

(My stepson told me a dad joke)

if you ask me its kinda a dick move

Everyone there is saying “Pardon me” all the time now.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

It’s forbiden

Communication is key

Address.

Igloos it together

But, it was arson.

The difference is staggering.

Address