Did you hear about Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend breaking into an animal shelter and releasing a bunch of huskies into the wild??
Turns out it was The Who that let the dogs out
I had a dog named Trump that I had to take back to the shelter
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter…
I live near an atomic shelter and in my encounters with it, it never lied and always kept its word
Now that's what I call structural integrity
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
During the pandemic, I plan to build a new underground shelter to live in.
Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you're a saint.
Go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind.
What did the brewer say to the baker during shelter in place?
At yeast we have each other!
Do you know what a soldier's favorite type of shelter is?
A tan hut!!
Ps, my buddy who is a marine hates me for this joke
Since the government's instituted shelter-in-place orders, lions have been roaming main street...
Inmates seem happiest when sleeping in canvas camp shelters...
They're con-tented at least.
We get to foster a shelter dog for a while to fill the place of our beloved late dog.
We'll just call it a subwoofer.
What do you call the only dog that isn’t barking a the shelter?
I volunteer at a shelter and this guinea pig's name is Piggy Smalls.
The undead not having to factor food and shelter into their cost of living is a clear example of wight privilege.
I inherited my grandfather's tax shelter today
It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow and she’s wanted to get a new cat (recently lost our old one), so my son and I got a cat from the animal shelter, put her gently into a large gift bag and brought her home. Before I could shut my driver door my son ran inside and ruined the surprise...
Can’t believe he let the cat out of the bag.
I took my daughter to adopt a cat at the shelter. I was surprised we had to sign an itemized legal contract with expected costs. When I told the clerk I thought rescuing a cat would be free...
She told me ”Dad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.” I’m so proud!
If in an earthquake, take shelter with a horse.
Their houses are always stable.
Why can animal shelters be moved so quickly?
Because they only weigh one pound
My wife got a dog with no legs from a shelter and asked what I wanted to name him
I said it doesn’t matter what we call him, he’s not gonna come to us
Local pastry chef brings nightly donations to food shelter
Not all heroes wear crepes
I wish I had more time to work the animal shelter
They keep hounding me to come back in.
My dad and I used to volunteer to "socialize" with the friendly cats at the animal shelter
"I like my cats how I like my women: desperate and incarcerated"
Edit: I told my dad I posted this here. He's happy about the upvotes but also mad because "MY JOKES ARE FUNNY, GOD DAMMIT"
So I was at the Animal Shelter the other day looking at cats. All of a sudden, they all escaped!
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter.
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