If the Scottish and the Irish went to war, no matter the victor, both sides would have kilt it.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
I canβt decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that sheβs become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
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︎ Jan 31 2021
What do you get when you breed a cantaloupe with a Scottish Sheepdog?
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︎ Feb 27 2021
I asked my Scottish dad if he likes Oriental food...
... and where he likes to get it from?
He said, Och Asian Alley.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
What did the Scottish chicken say to the other chicken?
Whatβre you daein hen?!
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︎ Jan 20 2021
What do Scottish people use to wipe after using the bathroom?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Have you heard Beyonce's new track dedicated to Scottish roofers?
"All The Shingle Laddies"
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︎ Nov 11 2020
800 in German Sounds Like if Zeus Became a Scottish Highlander
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︎ Nov 11 2020
A Scottish man was just forced to wear pants!
It damn nearly kilt him...
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︎ Oct 14 2020
Did you hear about that Scottish guy who died?
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︎ Oct 02 2020
Historically, the Scottish fought off a British Invasion force 20x as big as their own
The British were simply out-plaid
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︎ Jun 29 2020
I angered the Scottish guy by making fun of his skirt...
He nearly kilt me. I poked him in the aye in defense.
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︎ May 15 2020
What do you call a Scottish guy that's almost home?
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︎ May 13 2020
My Scottish friend makes macro-drills and their accessories...
He likes his job, a wee bit.
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︎ Jun 15 2020
On my first date with my girlfriend, she proudly proclaimed that she wasn't born in the US, she's actually Scottish.
I told her "Oh, I love your tape."
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︎ Jan 29 2020
A Scottish Dad joke. How long do you think youβll be at the Supermarket?
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︎ Jan 07 2020
What do you call a Scottish baker ?
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︎ May 07 2020
I asked my Scottish friend how many lovers he's had.
He started to count, but soon fell asleep.
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︎ Feb 27 2020
What does a Scottish man say when someone steals his drink at the pub?
βOi! Whereβd me Glasgow?β
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︎ Jan 21 2020
Whatβs the difference between a useless Scottish girl and a giggling auto frame?
The first is a chaffy lassie. The other is a laughy chassis.
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︎ Dec 31 2019
(Scottish Joke) Why did the cow go on holiday?
Because it had a wee calf.
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︎ May 15 2018
A scottish man was found dead after a serious bar fight...
The police are still searching for the person who kilt him.
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︎ Jun 29 2019
What do you call a Scottish cloakroom assistant?
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︎ Nov 18 2019
What do you call A Scottish gymnast?
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︎ Dec 27 2019
Why do Scottish people wear kilts?
Cause goats can hear a zipper a mile away.
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︎ Aug 19 2019
A Scottish piece of copper wire walks into a bar, and his friend challenges him to drink a pint of beer in under 2 seconds. He responds...
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︎ Aug 08 2019
I'm not Scottish but it's still punny
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︎ Mar 19 2018
Do you think Star Wars could have just been a Scottish naval battle?
I mean think about it- it took place a long time ago, in a Gaelic sea far, far away!
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︎ May 13 2018
I saw a Scottish Band perform last night...
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︎ Aug 01 2016
(In Scottish Accent) What's wrong with Mickey Mouse's helicopter...
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︎ Jun 30 2018
What do you call modern Scottish art?
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︎ Jul 29 2018
I heard that there's a Scottish version of sock monsters
They call it the Sock Ness Monster
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︎ Mar 05 2019
These names of Scottish gritters
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︎ Jan 21 2018
What is the difference between my philosophy on Jehovah's witnesses and a Scottish monster.
One is a Loch Ness
The other is "Knock less"
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︎ Oct 12 2018
Ooh...there's an Irish secret society that wants to be Scottish.
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︎ Dec 17 2018
What is the favorite appetizer of scottish people?
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︎ Dec 09 2016
I'm from Scotland so a friend asked me if I'm fully Scottish
I said no I'm just scott-ish
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︎ Mar 24 2018
Be careful when buying scottish items...
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︎ May 24 2018
Did you hear about the Scottish mans death?
Itβs tragic. He was kilt.
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︎ Sep 04 2018
What do you call a mafia member that hangs around a certain Scottish body of water?
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︎ Apr 02 2018
Why do Scottish midgets giggle when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls under their kilts.
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︎ Feb 10 2018
I have a tattoo of the Scottish flag on my arm. Step dad is in Scotland.
Step dad texts me this morning
"Hey Paul, they really love you over here in Scotland, they show your tattoo everywhere!"
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︎ Apr 26 2015
I met the Godfather of the Scottish mafia earlier...
He made me an offer I couldnβt understand.
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︎ Oct 13 2017
A Scottish man died under suspicious circumstances the other day.
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︎ Dec 30 2016
Overheard my Scottish passenger say this to his girlfriend while driving Uber today.
Driving them back to their house, he points over at a business and says to her "Maybe I should work for that company there?
She looks over and asks "Amscot?"
To which he replies "Yeah, I am Scot."
I laughed out loud.
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︎ Aug 28 2016
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