I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance

When I fled the scene of the accident.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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I gave some dude the money I'd saved to to buy bushes to line my property. I'd introduce you, but

my hedge fund manager hates reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zensunni82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."

I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Found it saved on my phone
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Donkaholic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Did you hear how Thor saved Loki’s butt?

With an Asgard.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suamigojose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Fishing saved me

Fishing saved me from becoming a pornstar, now I'm just a hooker

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Griffin031
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I hate people who keep telling me that I need to be saved or else I'm going to burn.

Stupid Firemen

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SCRAPP13
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. β€œA bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. /r/Jokes/comments/i7puax/…
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brainstormer77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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Did you hear the story about a glass of milk that saved the world once?

It was legend dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acromantulus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home

I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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I saw a cyclist riding close to a steep cliff. He hit some gravel and veered away from the road toward the precipice. At the last minute he saved himself by jumping from his bike.

For a moment, I thought he was gone with the Schwinn.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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My father saved up his whole life so he could be cremated

He really urned it.

πŸ‘︎ 262
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alliswellinnz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
If you get this pun, you have saved me the time of writing a good title. And if you save me even one second, you have saved my day entire. v.redd.it/feo6wfvmmco31
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brystander
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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What saved Kim Kardashian from drowning?

A Life West

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/00MX5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't you hate those people who come to your door and tell you that you will 'burn' unless you are 'saved'

Those idiot firemen....

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TherryTad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Saved this a year ago and it still made me laugh
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/42069memeking
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone literally saved my ass by putting this note on some seats on the tram this morning
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ejgee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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I just saved someone from having a stroke!

I live on the edge of a golf course, and someone’s golf ball landed in our yard, so I grabbed it, ran over to the fairway before they got there and tossed it on. I saved them a penalty stroke!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpine4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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A penny saved is

not much

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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A penny saved is a penny urned
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_benjaninja_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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A penny saved is a penny earned

That's my two cents

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Afro_kat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-_----_--
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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I saved another terrible joke to my phone.

Is among my bad ha bits.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProbablyPuck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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What did the vowel say when 'E' saved his life?

Aye E, I owe you

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Boxing saved my life once

5 armed burglars broke into my house and I was in the gym training.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notjimhendrix
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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A penny saved is NOT a penny earned

A penny saved, is actually about 1.25 pennies, once you account for Income Tax.

[my dad works for the Canadian tax department (IRS) and he used to always say that when I was a kid. He thought he was very funny. I'm now starting to see the wisdom in that statement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patchy_22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.

A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!

But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.

Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.

He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom - there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.

As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings ... but their peril is not yet passed.

Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.

"Folks," he says, a pained look on his kindly face, "I'm sorry, to do this, don't cha' know, but I got no choice, eh!"

Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent's smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.

"Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we are

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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How much electricity was saved during the Dark Ages?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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I saved my password as incorrect

Every time I get it wrong the screen tells me what my password is.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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If you tell stories about a glass of milk who saved thousands of lives many years ago

That would be Legendairy

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lobsman12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What did German Shrek say when he was saved from the clutches of the dragon?

Danke!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedhusquad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My phone case saved my phone from shattering

Whew. best case scenario

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doebro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2017
🚨︎ report
What did one mint say to the other mint after it saved him from being eaten?

Wow, you're a life-saver."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2017
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When I told my dad I saved one of my students today who was choking...

He said, "What do you want, a pat on the back?"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fancynerrd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
🚨︎ report
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1,001 cures for itches.'

I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aurikidink
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I hate when people knock on my door and tell me I need to get "saved" or else I will "burn."

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘︎ 383
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ispilledmymilka
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"...

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate those people that knock on my door telling me I need to be "saved" or that I'll "burn"...

Stupid firefighters.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get β€œsaved” or you'll β€œburn”

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get β€œsaved” or you'll β€œburn”

Stupid Firemen

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/not69420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get β€œsaved” or you'll β€œburn”

Stupid firemen

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/udrys
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get β€œsaved” or you'll β€œburn”

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zozi0102
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalzonkly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate those people who knock at your door and say you need to be saved or you’ll burn.

Stupid firefighters

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saazkwat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world?

It was legend dairy. tee hee

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkAssBum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2016
🚨︎ report

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