"Plagiarism squad reporting for duty"
Drugstores across the nation are reporting a shortage of plasters for cuts and grazes.
Manufacturers are determined to find a band-aid solution.
Slick dad joke used in title Toronto Star article reporting spill on highway
https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2016/07/19/salad-dressing-spill-on-dvp-ramp-causes-traffic-mayo-hem.html
Need help!
Does anyone have any good magazine/reporter puns? I'm the editor of a student magazine and we'd like a pun to put on our shirts. We can always go with the old standby "we have issues" but I'm sure someone somewhere has something funnier.
A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: “And what is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked.
The woman simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
I saw a news report recently about how a certain thick, white, egg based condiment is secretly being manufactured using horse meat.
The FDA says to listen carefully when you open the jar because the tainted mayo neighs.
[Dark] Reports came out that suicide rates actually dropped during the pandemic despite people's worst fears. I guess it's true what they say...
How did the condiment report to the army?
Joe Biden is reportedly looking to nominate geologists to be supreme associate justices
The news supports recent claims that he's trying to stack the quartz
On the news there was a report of a cheese factory exploding in France.
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...
but it does give me paws.
Workers rescued after a cave in, were reported saying
That it was a miner inconvenience
Never trust people who sketch facial composites for police reports.
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
Lifeguards are sad to report the drowning of a hippie last night.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Edit: spelling
No one in Antarctica has Covid-19
Its because they are ICE-O-LATED
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
I asked my son how he did on his school report about Canada
A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland
The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.
My post about chain link got reported and taken down
I guess someone took a-fence
When I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, I immediately reported him to the authorities.
Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.
An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"
And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"
I was charged with shoplifting and public indecency...
... the store manager reported that I took a leek.
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
During lockdown people have been choosing to wear no clothes at all.
The naturist groups report their members have doubled in size.
(Too subtle for a dad joke?)
Did you hear about those two ocean liners that collided?
One was carring red paint, and the other one was carrying blue paint.
Reports are saying that both crews have been marooned.
Why did the fish have a bad report card?
because his teacher was crappe
Owl to cop: “I’d like to report an incident..”
Cop: Giggling “Do you know HOO dunnit?”
Owl: “Sir, eight people were murdered”
Cop: O_O
Just saw a 3yo cycling in my property.
I'm calling the cops to report a tres-passing
These are very important lab-reports
News report accidentally a pun
I'm sorry to report that I lost both my feet to diabetes
My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.
I have some breaking news for her.
I don't know why the beautiful attendant at Ikea reported me to the police.
All I asked was "How much for one night stand ?"
Breaking news!
An industrial accident has happened at the name changing offices. police reports say twelve injured, two deb.
What's the modern way to donate to the church?
Baseball reporters are such "Karens"...
Plagiarism squad reporting for duty.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood
Turns out it was a Type-O
Why did the coffee file a police report?
My grandfather died because the report said he had type A blood
Unfortunately it was a Type-O
My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum: I have to choose between her and my career as a news reporter.
I have some breaking news for her.
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