The comment they relied to said β€œGlad I’m not alone”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crandon_9612
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2022
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My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "aww, honey look at the sheep." I relied...

No, ewe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mpicc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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Even when my family doesn't get my jokes, I can rely on my calculator to be keyed in.

"70707." He gets me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gracius0ne
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2022
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Everyone needs someone they can rely on. For me, that guy is from the Northeast US.

He is my Maine man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RemnantReturning
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2022
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You can always rely on people’s opinions of jetties.

They’ve usually been pier reviewed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mbfos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2022
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What do mathematicians and fisherman have in common?

They are both master anglers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajd416
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2023
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Why are your fingers the most reliable part of the body?

You can always count on them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heyandy1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2022
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I Object to All This Sex on the Television

I keep falling off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourOverLordisME
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2022
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My grandpa said that we youngsters rely on technology too much.

I replied "no, you do" and unplugged his life support.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sexxc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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Can't believe my professor failed me in front of the entire class

It was very de-grading.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snow_mantra
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2023
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I rely on hotels so much,

I've actually become quite inn-dependent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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Why did the old man fall into the well?

He couldn't see that well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ccchapagain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2022
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Flight attendant: You’re sat by the emergency door so we’re relying you in the event of an emergency

Me: You mean I'm a door-able haha

Flight attendant: ok I'm gonna move you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrownedHeads
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2021
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Scarecrows can't actually stop crows, they just rely on reputation

Good thing they are all out standing in their fields

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sassaphras
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2021
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Why should you not rely on math books for help?

They already have a lot of problems.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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Why are trees religious?

They have a deeply-rooted beleaf system!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2022
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Jokes with crappy three-word punchlines that rely on irony aren't funny

or are they?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheburik76
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I’ve recently been trying to learn the language of puns

I found out this language relies a lot on pun-ctuation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeaCollides
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2022
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To get a girl, some guys use pick up lines. Others rely on the attraction of their car

So I figure a pick up truck should cover both bases

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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How come the alternate universe Spider-Man did so well on his driving test?

Because he was an excellent parallel Parker.

Credit: Hank Greene

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fermat_p
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2022
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Do you know what elves rely on during political campaigns?

Propagandalf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpino14
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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My Grandpa always tells me that my generation relies too much on technology...

So I said, β€œNo u!” And unplugged his life support

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CubingWithAlex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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Did you know cows used to talk?

It's true

Like all beings, the cow was brought into being by the universe.

The cow was very curious about its existence and asked a lot of questions of the universe.

"what am I?" it asked.

"a cow" the universe relied.

"why am I here?" it asked

"to be a cow" the universe relied, and nudged a pile of hay nearby, trying to distract her from digging deeper into that question.

The universe has a lot on its plate, existentially speaking, and in the past its gotten a bit fed up with some of its creatures.

But after what happened to Adam and Eve, the universe learned to be more patient with inquisitive beings.

The success of cats is largely because they take responsibility for their own curiosity.

But the cow was a bit needier, seeking answers rather than exploration.

The universe hoped the smell from the hay would entice it to act rather than ask.

"What's that?" the cow asked.

"Hay" the universe sighed..."for eating," it added, hoping to keep the cow quiet for a while so the universe could focus on other things.

It worked for a while but as soon as the cow's 4 stomachs were full it started asking questions again.

And that's when the universe created a bull.

"And what is that?" she asked

"That's a bull" the universe replied and wiggled its existential eyebrows suggestively.

The cow headed over to the bull and chatted him up, leaving the universe in peace for a while.

The cow was content in until she started started noticing some changes in her body.

"what's this?" she asked, pointing to her swelling body.

"You're pregnant" it replied.

She got really curious about what that meant and became very hyper asking question after question about pregnancy and birth.

She remained excited throughout the gestation, asking questions to prepare for her for the birth.

But when the day came she relaxed, and stayed focused on the task at hand. And after she gave birth, she was exhausted!

Nevertheless, she pulled herself together, looked at the baby that she brought in to the world and, predictably, asked the universe:

"What's that?"

"A calf" the universe sighed, trying to accept the relentless inquisitiveness of the cow.

"Ohhhh!" she sighed, "that explains it!"

The universe blinked. It couldn't help itself.

"Explains what?" it asked.

"Why I'm so tired!"

The universe paused.

"it's because," the cow said, "I'm decalfinated".

And the universe took the power of speech away from the cow for eternity.

... ...

Edited

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mxcrnt2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2021
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What does the fedora rely on to make ends meet?

Tips

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gormiti100
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
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What music helps climate scientists relax?

Algorithms.

Edit: As in, Al-gore-rhythms. Al Gore is a big climate change guy, and climate modeling relies heavily on algorithms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kitiarachan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2022
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Why are military tests the easiest to pass?

They rely on your 'general' knowledge

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordBukbeek
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2022
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A man walks up to a shepherd.

He points to a nearby field and says β€œThose are some fine looking sheep.” The Shepherd relies β€œI herd that!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThtPhatCat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2021
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Hi Red Squiggly Line, I'm Dad!

Child: Dad, can I rely on autocorrect?

Me: Definately

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyJayBe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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What does your little sibling and Q have in common?

They will always rely on U

(props to my middle school student for making this one up). We start with a top r/dadjokes every morning for advisory - I'm slowly convincing them that dad jokes are the best jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrono116
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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If fedoras got paid a living wage...

they'd wouldn't have to rely on tips

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gormiti100
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
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[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Some fish are so deaf,

They rely on Herring aids

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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Stairs, jinky fellas

Last night my dad fell down the stairs and broke his hip. Mom took him to the ER and I met them there. The nurse comes in to ask what happen and my dad explained he tripped going up the stairs. Nurse tries to joke that β€œstairs are jinky fellas always trying to trip people” to which I relied β€œyup, can’t trust β€˜um, they are always up to something”.

-mic drop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gusthemouse
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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A little morbid, but he's my dad.

I came home college to find a life insurance policy with my name on it. I asked my dad why it was for so little, and he relied with, "that's just to cover the booze for the celebration party."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dreamerkid001
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Jokes are a lot like American football.

If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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Egyptian Goddess

My dad and I were watching a quiz show earlier today, and there was a question about the Ancient Egyptian cat-headed 'goddess of protection.'

I asked him if that's what they relied upon before contraception. He replied, 'Yes, prophylactcats.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MullGeek
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2015
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Studies have shown that

the people who rely on statistics are wrong 76.5% of the time ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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[Meta] Dadjokes aren't just puns.

As a big proponent of the dadjoke I want to argue that a dadjoke is not just a pun. I see lots of material submitted here that might be better suited for /r/punny.

Speaking as a dad, for me a classic dad joke is highly dependent on the context.

I can't whip out old standbys at any moment and call them proper dadjokes. If I'm driving my kid to school I can't just ask him "Hey, do you know why the kids couldn't see the pirate movie? It was rated aaarrrgh!". That's just a bad joke.

OTOH, if my kid says "are" kinda funny (which he has before), and I make a joke about him being the youngest pirate I know (I may or may not have done this before), then that's a dadjoke. A shitty one, but still a dadjoke. The best context ones are where a situation presents itself and the dad takes the opportunity to make the lame joke (as in a post from awhile back where the OP overheard three or four dads make almost the exact same joke at an aquarium).

Straight up puns should go to /r/punny. Context specific jokes which rely on vagaries of the language or the funny situation, should stay here.

Just my two cents worth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smileyman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
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My buddy's dad pulled this one at some retail store the other day

The cashier asked him if he wanted to be a member there and he said Yes so the cashier proceeded to ask "okay what's your street name?" He relied "tall white boy from the hood"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qazdthm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?

They both rely on the batter

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg_of_RS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2016
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My dad got me.

Context: my dad had been relying on a cane after injuring his back, and it had been making his arm tired.

Dad: You know, my arm still isn't right?

Me: Oh?

Dad: Because it's left! But seriously, it still hurts...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/enigmaticmagpie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
🚨︎ report

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