Last year I recorded a video with my brother

Now we have brovid-19

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aereau
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists have recently recorded the sounds of two helium atoms laughing

HeHe

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?

There were repercussions.

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayingMantis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I've recorded an album called 'Obsessed With Sex'.

It's only got one track, mind.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The cheesiest joke ever recorded dates back to 1936

It's a Goudanuf pun I guess but I honestly Brieleive I can come up with something cheddar.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xhulifactor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
First recorded coronavirus patient name was leaked to press.

Ha Cheu

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adopogi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists have recorded two helium atoms laughing

https://m.imgur.com/a/QBBtoR9

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmslesbro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
In the 12th century, one African nation planned to utilize giraffes as pack animals to carry supplies between warring nations. However, the giraffes kept escaping. It was the first recorded instance of giraffe dodging.
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL that the first recorded sandwich was made by the famous rabbi, Hillel the Elder, who lived during the 1st century B.C.

Whoops wrong Sub.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrSuperZonic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad's first recorded dad joke

For a quick insight I want to be an astronaut and have a love for space.

Dad: how does NASA plan a party?

Me: I don't know, how?

Dad: they planet.

I laughed for a solid ten minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InhibitedTech96
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
🚨︎ report
One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....

It was his vinyl request.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.

She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:

Icy, what you did there.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does Phil Collins record his music?

In his stu-stu-studio

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I was telling my friend that brown rice is the same as white rice, but with a criminal record....

He thinks I'm a riceist for saying that.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm obsessed with collecting old Beatles records. My friends say I need help..

..but I've already got that one.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Button_FC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
There once was a record store. The owner was seventy-four. One day he fell ill then wrote in his will , β€œbury me with records galore”

It was his vinyl resting place

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My son was recording some audio for homework

Him: "Reasons that doing research underwater can be difficult include..."

Me (from my office): "the paper will get too wet!"

Him: "UGH!" stops and restarts recording

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do rappers say when they finish recording?

That's a movie.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leif_hans
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I am currently one of the world record holders for the Rubik's Cube...

It has been 43 years and I still cannot solve it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EverySingleMinute
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.

Now I’ll never hear the end of it.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
People are usually shocked that I have a Police record.

But I love their greatest hits!

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
One night I got pulled over. The cop walked up to my window and said β€œdo you have a police record, sir?” I said:

Roxanne...

Edit-spelling

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Das_Kommandant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that they just broke the Guinness Record for largest pickle?

It was a real big dill!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I once held a world record

For the World’s Youngest Human Being.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/srocan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I said to my mate, "I can't stop buying Beatles records..

He said "You need help."

"I've got that one." I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do movie makers record laser gun sound effects in churches?

Because they go β€œpew pew pew”.

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PleaseBeSerious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?

There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a clock made out of records?

Its the vinyl countdown

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Palemom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Where did Noah keep a record of his bees?

In the ark hives

πŸ‘︎ 303
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
"I'm addicted to buying old Beatles records."

"Sounds like you need help." "No, I already have that one."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
NEW NUDE WATER SKI RECORD BROKEN!!

It was broken by a 28 year old Russian

His name is Torehis Sackov

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manic-tech
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

HeHe

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I must have 10 New Order records but I only ever seem to play one of them.

I have a serious Substance abuse problem

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/John_Badman_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the record store and bought a new album. It was awful...

I tried to get a refund. But I couldn't get my NickleBack.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jolly2284
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg have decided to record an album together.

It’s a joint project.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Loofahs comes in 4 different sizes...

Small, Medium, Large and Vandross.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to get myself in the guinness world records for the oldest man alive, but it's taking me a long time
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Panda2377
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?

You look for the fresh prints

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rent76
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If there is a record for how many times a person can twist their ankle

I think I might have broken it!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WKBX
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records.

Then the librarian told me to take it out.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trace826621
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
How does an arborist keep record of his business.

He keeps a log of every tree cuts down.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyspaereunia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.

To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greggy_rabs
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I just told a dad joke so shit my wife shouted at me and stormed off (not a joke)

She said I wish you would put as much effort into life as you do your shitty jokes. It wasnt even that bad.

The man on the news said "...in the run up to christmas stores are already announcing record sales" I said "thats not news HMV* announces record sales everyday".

*HMV is a music shop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitcheg3k
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If a painter records videos of himself painting and posts them on social media,

is he considered a recording artist?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raaalphs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
People are usually shocked that I have a police record.

But I love their Greatest hits !

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report

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