Last year I recorded a video with my brother
Scientists have recently recorded the sounds of two helium atoms laughing
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
I've recorded an album called 'Obsessed With Sex'.
It's only got one track, mind.
The cheesiest joke ever recorded dates back to 1936
It's a Goudanuf pun I guess but I honestly Brieleive I can come up with something cheddar.
First recorded coronavirus patient name was leaked to press.
Scientists have recorded two helium atoms laughing
In the 12th century, one African nation planned to utilize giraffes as pack animals to carry supplies between warring nations. However, the giraffes kept escaping. It was the first recorded instance of giraffe dodging.
TIL that the first recorded sandwich was made by the famous rabbi, Hillel the Elder, who lived during the 1st century B.C.
My dad's first recorded dad joke
For a quick insight I want to be an astronaut and have a love for space.
Dad: how does NASA plan a party?
Me: I don't know, how?
Dad: they planet.
I laughed for a solid ten minutes.
One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....
It was his vinyl request.
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.
She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:
Icy, what you did there.
Where does Phil Collins record his music?
I was telling my friend that brown rice is the same as white rice, but with a criminal record....
He thinks I'm a riceist for saying that.
I'm obsessed with collecting old Beatles records. My friends say I need help..
..but I've already got that one.
There once was a record store. The owner was seventy-four. One day he fell ill then wrote in his will , “bury me with records galore”
It was his vinyl resting place
My son was recording some audio for homework
Him: "Reasons that doing research underwater can be difficult include..."
Me (from my office): "the paper will get too wet!"
Him: "UGH!" stops and restarts recording
What do rappers say when they finish recording?
I am currently one of the world record holders for the Rubik's Cube...
It has been 43 years and I still cannot solve it.
I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.
Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
People are usually shocked that I have a Police record.
But I love their greatest hits!
One night I got pulled over. The cop walked up to my window and said “do you have a police record, sir?” I said:
Did you hear that they just broke the Guinness Record for largest pickle?
I once held a world record
For the World’s Youngest Human Being.
I said to my mate, "I can't stop buying Beatles records..
He said "You need help."
"I've got that one." I replied.
Why do movie makers record laser gun sound effects in churches?
Because they go “pew pew pew”.
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?
There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...
What do you call a clock made out of records?
Where did Noah keep a record of his bees?
"I'm addicted to buying old Beatles records."
"Sounds like you need help."
"No, I already have that one."
NEW NUDE WATER SKI RECORD BROKEN!!
It was broken by a 28 year old Russian
His name is Torehis Sackov
Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media.
I must have 10 New Order records but I only ever seem to play one of them.
I have a serious Substance abuse problem
I went to the record store and bought a new album. It was awful...
I tried to get a refund. But I couldn't get my NickleBack.
Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg have decided to record an album together.
Loofahs comes in 4 different sizes...
Small, Medium, Large and Vandross.
I want to get myself in the guinness world records for the oldest man alive, but it's taking me a long time
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?
You look for the fresh prints
If there is a record for how many times a person can twist their ankle
I think I might have broken it!
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records.
Then the librarian told me to take it out.
How does an arborist keep record of his business.
He keeps a log of every tree cuts down.
Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.
To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....
I just told a dad joke so shit my wife shouted at me and stormed off (not a joke)
She said I wish you would put as much effort into life as you do your shitty jokes. It wasnt even that bad.
The man on the news said "...in the run up to christmas stores are already announcing record sales"
I said "thats not news HMV* announces record sales everyday".
*HMV is a music shop.
If a painter records videos of himself painting and posts them on social media,
is he considered a recording artist?
People are usually shocked that I have a police record.
But I love their Greatest hits !