A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..

.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I ran into this vegan girl who said she knew me

I had to tell her I'd never met herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 545
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKingOfRhye777
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife ran over someone , and was sentenced to 10 years imprisonment.

She got out after 5 years and I had to serve the remaining 5.

We always finish each others sentences.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I ran into my friend Mark who stole my dictionary.

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What Did The Fish Say When He Ran Into A Wall?

Dam

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AstrosAtoZ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I ran out of material for the doll I was making and only had breathe mints left for the feet.

He had Tic Tac toes

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chemist612
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......

......... The Times are really Rough!!!

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A van full of terrapins ran into a truck full of tortoises.

It was a near turtle disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/McKavian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.

He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.

I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran into Bono this morning

He said "Don't push me, I'm close to the Edge".

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irsh94
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
A big cat was spotted winning every race he ran.

He was a cheetah

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.

Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BilhoeBaggins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the winemaker say when he ran out of room?

Ah bugger, I’m out of Cabernet space!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the farmer yell to the shepherds who ran away after their flocks ate all his grass?

You cow herds!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I just went to get my glasses fixed and you’ll never guess who I ran into when I was there!

That’s right!

.... Everyone.

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kayden_Pauser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the handbag salesman say when he ran out of Camembert at his dinner party?

Sorry, we're all out of Guccis.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kartenhouse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Homer Simpson say when the bakery ran out of bread?

Dough!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the tree say when it ran into the mall?

Tina? Larry? Where is everybody?!? Oh my god, they’re all gone!!! ... Oooh a sale!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JumpinJaccFlash
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: when I was your age I ran a maratho

Son: you mean marathon.
Dad: no I didn’t finish it.

πŸ‘︎ 303
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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mummy that just woke up and is still convinced he’s ruler of Egypt? When told β€˜that’s impossible’ he flew into a rage, ran away, and jumped in a river.

People say he’s in da Nile

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was so mad when Walmart ran out of figurines for the Nativity

Now I have to attend manger management

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NathanielleS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.

I yelled out, "Oasis!"

Edit: My first ever attempt at a dad joke, and i never thought i would get anywhere this much upvotes. Thank y'all so much!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redneckvet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Your body has ran out of Potassium

Me: 0K

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fml_wlu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did I tell you about the time I ran into a pony at a bar?

He didn't say much though β€” he was a little horse.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to tell a joke about a dumb person who ran

But that'd just be random

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RamSamG
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Your body has ran out of magnesium.

Me: 0mg

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BallCoach79
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran over 5 miles today

Like, what are the odds they were all named Miles? Crazy.

πŸ‘︎ 396
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J3ST3RR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My 8-year old ran past me and I shouted to her: "Hey, you lost something!"

She stops and ask "What?"

- "Your speed!"

She glares at me and says: "Dad, you lost something!"

- "What?"

- "Your hair!"

Oof.

True story.

πŸ‘︎ 298
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaploiff
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the butcher say as his arch nemesis ran away?

We will meat again!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rabid_Badger_83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why hasn’t Joe ran for president before?

He was Biden his time.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Splotchyitachi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the dad tell his son after their beagle ran away?

doggone

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Different_Fox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?

He was breaking out.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0lSherlockl0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
So proud of my daughter, who ran upstairs to tell me our downstairs toilet was smoking.

She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.

Chip off the old block she is!

Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!

πŸ‘︎ 624
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superdad0206
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...

High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ConradFlick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....

Almost made me puma pants!

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A ship carrying purple paint ran into a ship carrying brown paint.

The survivors were marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBelpit68
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A while ago, someone forgot their bread at the store. So I ran it out to them and said

β€œExcuse me sir, I think you focaccia bread!”

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.

So we did it squid pro quo

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A cop ran into a drunk driver and asks the question β€œHow high are you?”

The drunk driver responds: β€œNo, its β€˜Hi, how are you?’”

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Steph_Curryan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran out of toilet paper, so I had use old newspapers...

The 'Times' are rough

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when he ran into a cement wall?

Dam!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spudfox64
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?

Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gawdmode69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: your body has ran out of magnesium.

Me: 0Mg

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Howesy_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Ran out of toilet paper and had to resort to using old newspapers...

Gotta say... these are rough Times.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?

He was breaking out.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0lSherlockl0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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