I've been told to add this to my dating profile
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...

β€œThis takes me back.”

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Puntended
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, β€œCan you describe the symptoms?” I replied, "Sure..."

β€œThey’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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B 206
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Cake Day puns
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AGoodPupper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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So I asked my brother why he was wearing glasses in his new profile picture.

He replied, "because I wanted to look sharp".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RamseyDidIt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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If a lady says she likes fishing on her dating profile,

Does that mean she's looking for a hookup?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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What do you get when you cross a cliffhanger with the genetic profile of someone with dyslexia?

AND...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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Don’t scroll without saying shalom
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axiom_117
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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This is Arnold's profile pic on Twitter. i.reddituploads.com/20fc6…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2017
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My friend is a pretty unsuccessful farmer. But he tries a lot to promote his business on social media by providing a new profile picture every 3 months. Unfortunately the picture always seems to have his head or side chopped off a bit.

Another season, another bad crop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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So I decided to make a tinder profile and I thought you guys would appreciate it more than the girls in my area. imgur.com/1dVN6Ax
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moooth
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2015
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My friend started a pun war that was too hot for her to Handel
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alto_128
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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A teeny golden nugget i found on Duolingo
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oedynn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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My online dating profile

I love long walks on the beach and cow puns, among udder things.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fliclit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2016
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Brainstorming food/movie theme nights. It es-kale-lated quickly. Only thing in my Bumble profile now.

When Harry Met Salad

What About Ke-Bob

Cumin to America

Weekend at Bearneaise II

Steakin I, II, & III

A Few Good Salmon

You’ve Got Kale

Shawshank Re-Dim Sum

Romancing the Scone

An Γ‰clair to Remember

Roman Hollandaise

Glazed and Confused

Bill & Ted’s Eggcellent Adventure

The Evil Bread

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Shrimp

Fondue the Right Thing

Ribeyes Wide Shut

Mignons

Plante of the Grapes

Spider Manchu

Sushis All That

A Wok to Remember

Marsala-la Land

Apocalypse Cow

Die Chard

Die Chard with a Vinaigrette

Hogan’s Gyros

The Sand Latkes

A League of their Macaroni

Revenge of the Curds

Rush S’More

Braising Arizona

Demolition Ham

10 Things I hate About Ewe

Saladin

Oliver and Com-penne

Dirty Rotten Chanterelles

Sex and the Satay

The Truth About Cats & Hotdogs

Morella Enchanted

Provolone Together

Clear and Pheasant Danger

The Big Chili

LΓ©mon: The Professional

Ava-Tartare

Hocous Pocous

High Fi-Deli Meat

Madagascargot

The Fifth Elementos

Muensters Inc.

There’s Something About Rosemary

I Am Ham

Quiche Lorraine Man

Barley & Me

Lentil Giants

Peggy SoufflΓ© Got Married

Face Stroganoff

Con GruyΓ©re

Fast Times at Porridgemont High

Bok Choys in the Hood

Papillonion

Requinoa for a Dream

Serial Cardamom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kat_fogg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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Hehehe
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewhiz3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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Amazing
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mk_ayy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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A zombie-hating woman made a dating profile...

It read, "If you're six feet under, don't bother messaging me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/newkyd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people...

But none of them work.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kanalolidragonp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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Every time I watch a Jennifer Anniston movie, it seems like she’s playing the same person.

She is a victim of Rachel profiling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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what did the sock post on its tinder profile?

Looking for a sole mate!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neauneau
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2015
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Every year, my dad changes his profile picture to this and says, "My turkey isn't that big this year." imgur.com/WOvTXy9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emilyb2323
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
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My roommates dad comment on my new profile picture, he think's he's hilarious.

He stayed with us for a week last month. He probably dropped 100 jokes like this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuck_hd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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Where are all these great dad jokes stored ?

At the dadabase.

(But for real, I have quite the dadabase at my profile)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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I got into a pun war with my friend last night. imgur.com/a/cBMal
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfb1337
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2015
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That girl looks like a Rachel...

Dad: "That's Rachel profiling"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rb_wiggles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2016
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Honey Story

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about each other. Her dog's name was Daisy. My truck's name was Dodge Ram (I apologized for my lack of creativity). She was a CPA. I was a beekeeper.

And at this, she stumbled. "If we ever meet in real-life, I want you to know that I could never date a beekeeper." But we were still far away from that point, so it was moot.

But time went on, and we gradually became closer to that point. More personal information. What firm she worked for. Where my farm was. Names of relatives. Names of high schools. All the things that just come up in conversation eventually if you talk to someone long enough.

But, oddly, after all this time, neither of us had thought to send any pictures. Until one day I got a message from her: "I never thought I'd say this, but I really do want to meet you in person. I think we have a rare connection, and I don't want to squander it. I want to send you my picture, and I want you to send me yours, but I'm telling you, I can never date a beekeeper."

I couldn't imagine a life without my bees. But I also couldn't imagine a life without her. Tentatively, reluctantly, I clicked on the image attached to her message.

Then I saw her face. Now I'm a bee leaver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fishamaphone
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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The ACLU is filing suit against Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, and a number of other social media sites.

Apparently, they all have a long history of profiling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saxoman53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
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Goldeneye dadjoke

The family was playing Goldeneye, and my 11 year-old son was destroying us. My wife yells "you're not allowed to be Oddjob anymore! Change your profile!"

My son turns to show us the other side of his face: "Is this better?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cacafuego
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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Have you see this post?

Yeah I reddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DashingCribGaming
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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Dad joked my friend while in a Skype call

So we're talking and he sends me a link to the profile of a girl he's been talking to.

I look through her pictures to find an overwhelming amount of rock climbing ones.

He asks, "What do you think?"

I reply, "Well, at least she seems down to earth."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jcnr319
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2015
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With today being Friday the 13th, I just wanted to let you know that I don't believe in superstitions.

I'm an Aquarius, and that's not in our trait profile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J_for_Jules
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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My friend quit her job as a hostess to go to school imgur.com/KySbbFB
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robob35
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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Dadjoked my own dad

Dad (looking at a website) : "How do I change my profile?"

Me: "Cut off your nose"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chibolamoo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
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My dad cares a lot about creative copyright, apparently

During a Skype chat, where my sister's profile photo was a beautiful landscape with flowers.

Dad: Did you find that photo somewhere online or did you take it?

Sister: I took it!

Dad: What! Who did you take it from? You know that's stealing, right?

Groans all around.

(bonus mediocre joke: my sister was mentioning how she writes to her friend who lives in Germany, but her friend never checks her email. "Of course she doesn't, she's German, not Czech," quoth Dad.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dorianfinch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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I need help writing airplane puns for a message on a dating site.

So the person's profile only talks about airplanes. I wanted to send a message totally jammed packed with airplane puns but I don't have that many. It's probably a fake profile but I still think it would be fun.

Here's what I have so far. Hey Girl. Most of the girls on this website are so 'plane' but you're the exception. I have a 'terminal' illness and hope to meet my copilot before I go. Just kidding. My health is 'A oK47'. I was just 'play'n' around. Just to let you know I have some baggage from some 'turbulence' in a previous relationship but Shirley I can get past it. My previous relationship taught me that two wrongs don't make a right. However, two Wrights made an airplane. I hope a new relationship can 'takeoff' with you though. I would be a great boyfriend. I have financial 'security' and could buy you anything you want with my 'visa'. Have you seen the movie, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"? It's really good, except for the train and automobile parts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/richrawl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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