I once got my toe nails professionally trimmed. They used a hardened steel tool for smoothing my clipped nails...
In other words, a pedi-file.
Those who cry professionally,
Give a whole new meaning to good mourning.
I used to ride a light toboggan for one or two people professionally...
But then I overheard people calling my a luger behind my back so gave it up. I'm a veteran of luging.
I had my photo taken professionally for the first time.
I hope they give it back.
Edit: it has been brought to my attention that this joke was in fact made in a thread that gave me the idea. So I must shoutout to u/i_make_dadjokes as the rightful owner. Sorry that I didn’t catch this earlier.
I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it failed miserably.
Good players are hard to find.
Why don't professional boxers have sex before a fight ?
Thy probably don't like each other.
I have never actually used a professional telescope in my life.
It’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
What's a professional and experienced drug overlord is called ?
What do positively charged particles have in common with professional sumo wrestling teams?
I’ve considered becoming a professional horse groomer.
I became a professional fisherman...
But discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
Why do referees in professional rugby always give penalties against chickens?
Because they always award against professional fowls.
Why do some types of healthcare professionals only care about themselves?
Because they're nurse assists.
Professional procrastinator
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
Amazon delivered my new Ninja professional blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
My dream of becoming the first professional boxer/pirate were crushed....
The boxing commission said my right hook was illegal.
What do you call medical professionals who don't feed their patients after an overnight stay in the hospital?
Doctors without boarders.
My friend is a professional skydiver.
He really throws himself into his work.
My wife, Ming, told me, "You would look more professional without that funny bow tie." I have to wear it though. I explained to her, "My jokes aren't funny without...
The guy who did my urinalysis made way too many jokes to be a professional
It was a complete pisstake
Did you hear about the professional bowler who was also a gymnast?
My dog decided to become a professional at barking
I think I'll get him a subwoofer
Ordering pizza with my 3 year old.
Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese?
3yr old: ranch is for horses
Little guy Caught me off guard lol
My friend is a medical professional who does circumcisions for a living.
He doesn't get paid much, but at least he gets to keep all the tips.
I want to hire a group of professional hackers
To antagonize a local QT and mess with their registers. That way I can get a snack, wait in line and every five minutes say, punctually, "Man, this quick trip is taking a long time."
It'll be my entertainment for an afternoon.
Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..
You keeled my father. Prepare two die.
*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?
^(What a freaking professional)
Hats off to all the doctors and health care professionals
What’s the Highest Level of Competition That a Semi Professional Sauerkraut Pickler Aspires To?
I was going to make a joke about a professional Boxer
But he blocked my punch line
Security professionals advise to never use ‘beef stew’ as a password
Brain freeze
My dad is a health care professional and recently had a patient that has been “huffing Freon for the past 18 years.” His response?
“I wonder if he gets really bad brain freeze.”
My wife dated a professional clown before we started going out.
I had some big shoes to fill.
How much money do professional ice skaters make in a year?
Eight figures but unfortunately they can't access it because their accounts are frozen.
Steve Tyler has quit the music business and become a professional fletcher...
His shop is called Arrowsmith.
What’s the one thing professional poker players and plumbers can agree on?
A royal flush is better than a full house
What do you call a medical professional who has lost it way?
I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure.
Good players are hard to find.
It would be impossible to host a professional hide n seek tournament
Since good players are hard to find
I dreamed of becoming a professional fisherman
But I found out that I couldn't live on my net income
Why is organizing a professional hide-and-seek tournament hard?
It's hard to find good players.
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it was a complete disaster.
Good players are hard to find.
I used to be a professional fisherman
Then discovered I couldn't live on my net income
My idea of a professional Hide and Seek tournament failed miserably.
Good players are hard to find.
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