Stopped by a roadside lobster stand that said 'lobster tails £2' I paid my £2 and the owner of the stand says...
Once upon a time there was this lobster.
What does a pornstar get paid?
I would love to get paid to sleep.
I enrolled in a paid clinical study that requires an hourlong nap every day for six months.
What do you call people who get paid to read and write simple stories?
Anakin was a bad student. Never paid attention in class, never took any tests seriously. All his teachers were angry with him. Teacher Obi-Wan was specially worried when he had to say,
"I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you."
Why did the girl break up with a guy who paid for everything with ten dollar bills?
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.
I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.
Mrs Hamill was annoyed when her son and I paid her a surprise visit.
She was afraid I'd leave a Mark.
Husband: Babe, I got paid more than I expected! This is great!!!!
Wife: Sweet! How much are we talking??
Husband: Well it is normally $1000, but this time I got $1000.02!!!!!!!
Wife: ...thats not that great.
Husband: Well I think it is, but that’s just my two cents.
What do you call a woman who has paid off all of her liabilities?
I had a priest perform an exorcism for my house, but I never paid the bill....
I had a friend who got paid by the letter to write a phonics manual
To make a little extra cash he wrote a rhotic r on the side
A guy once paid 10,000 Bitcoin for a pizza when it was still cheap...
That pizza shop must be swimming in dough.
Friend: ...my wife is uncomfortable with them because they’ve joined the church of Satan. Like, he showed me his membership card. They’re paid members, man.
Me: well; someone has to pay the devil’s dues
Friend: damn it.
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!
Boy. I bet Anakin Skywalker must have paid a lot of money for his suit.
I think It may have cost him a couple arms and a couple legs.
My investment in silent actors has really paid off lately.
Do you feel like a thing that is borrowed, especially a sum of money that is expected to be paid back with interest?
One time I paid $20 to see Prince in concert
but I partied like it's $19.99.
This guy I know is paid to sit in an elevator and tell jokes all day.
I gotta say, his sense of humor has gotten higher these days.
I just paid £25 for a 3 mile taxi ride to a launderette...
I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners!
Some guy paid me a dollar for 98 cents worth of advice!
I paid off my new limousine up front, but now I can't afford to hire a driver. So much money spent.
And nothing to chauffeur it.
Epstein once paid a man to hang a shelf full of hymnals.
I guess he really didn’t hang hymn shelf.
I heard that Big-Ben workers get paid very well.
They work around the clock.
My efforts to save on my electricity bills have really paid off.
And honestly, I’m delighted.
What do you call someone who’s paid to share videos of them self sneezing on social media?
How are dog catchers paid?
I paid five cents for a dad joke, but it turned out to be an empty, derivative imitation, overly commercialized and lacking any real soul or talent.
Now I want my Nickelback.
I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn't say anything when I got paid too much.
I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.
If a paid political message uses a pun to assail a candidate’s character...
Is it an Ad Homonym attack?
All the babies at the hospital wanted to be paid for being born.
So they joined a labor union.
I'm a photographer who got paid in exposure.
I paid off most of my mortgage...
you’re a ROCK STAR, get the show on, get paid
I just bought a replacement tire for 20 bucks more than I had paid for the old one which had gone flat.
Why don't bishops normally get paid?
Because if they were, they would bi-shoppin
I paid a car dealership a monthly fee to drive a car for 2 years then after that I would return the car to the dealer...
It was the leased of my worries.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
I paid a dollar and the cashier said I had to pay $1.02.
Let me tell you, I gave THAT lady my two cents!
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
I once paid $20 to meet Prince
But I partied like it was $19.99
One night I paid $20 to see Prince.
But I partied like it was $19.99.
Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
