Previously Puns

To Mark has read

...which was "Thirsty".

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/96/SmirnovVS_KnMihailChern.jpg

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

They called it "Snitches get stitches"

And that's the tooth of the matter.

After we finished installing the hooks, and hung the curtains I asked her to hand the cap to me.

"Honey, can you hand me the pole end?"

She was unsure of what I meant, and asked, "What pole end?"

"Pole end is a country in eastern Europe, but I need you to hand me the cap the to the curtain rod."

Groaning ensues...

It was an ice cream scoop.

It was literally a Tomb In It job

Oh, yeah, the Leftoverse.

It was as big as the last two combined!

I said, "I've never had a job working in a nutshell."

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the gate.

I said it ĭt : pro. Used to refer to that one previously mentioned. Used of a nonhuman entity; an animate being whose sex is unspecified, unknown, or irrelevant; a group of objects or individuals; an action; or an abstraction.

pro. Used as the subject of an impersonal verb.

Previously owned by Neil Diamond.

“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?”

“She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”

It's as bad as the last two jokes you heard Combined.

(My son just told me this one 💪)

E: I misspelled "Fibonacci" in title🤦

ex and The City

It had an ex-axis and a why-axis

He was Biden his time.

They were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus

Edit: good lord, I didn’t know someone else posted this previously. I thought it was funny as heck and my kids rolled their eyes when I told it SO THERE.

My wife said it was a waist of time.

Here: https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/btsq5u/my_dad_will_be_telling_dad_jokes_till_the_end/

Well, I remembered something else he said once that I find hilarious (now) that you may also.

When I was a kid my chore was to do the dishes, by hand, after every meal bar holidays when I had help and the week of my birthday. One particular time, I must have been about 15 when I asked my Dad, Why don't we use the dishwasher, its easier and it's right next to me?

In the proud tradition of Dads before him he answered, We are using the dishwasher, now hurry up and quit complaining.

I laugh now in hindsight, and for some reason really enjoy doing dishes by hand.

Which is probably why I'm no longer a barman.

He said it was an Obama-nation

Laugh out loud, Jay Kay.

Seems like its a... Logical thing to do

Terrible ex a cushion

The previous ones were daughterograms.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

“Yes of course” replied Trevor

Me: Well, your search ends today. At my previous job, whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.

“Because it has a stabled economy.”

My 10yo daughter just came up to me with this after sitting there stewing about my previous joke.

I had hopped for a better time.

But I guess that's how it works when you date internationally.

I said, "Well, I got the bus...went for a coffee...then walked here."

To find another so quickly was no small "feet".

Previously it would've a curd to me.

To Mark has read

Its worse than the last two jokes you heard, combined.