Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete falls out.
π︎ 930
π
︎ Mar 28 2023
Why programmers code in dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs!
π︎ 499
π
︎ Apr 10 2023
When I was a kid, my parents would make me walk the plank.
π︎ 253
π
︎ Mar 26 2023
Do you know what humans had to do before we had crowbars π¨?
Crows just had to drink at home
π︎ 34
π
︎ Mar 28 2023
What's an algebra teacher's favourite Beatles song?
π︎ 318
π
︎ Jan 27 2023
A-ha! A quality pun!
π︎ 613
π
︎ Dec 19 2022
My therapist hasn't gotten his diploma yet, so he's only half a therapist.
I call him my 500 gigapist.
π︎ 409
π
︎ Jan 10 2023
What language does Sponge Bob write code in?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 26 2023
I hate when people say βgo figureβ
Math is bad enough without you being bossy about it.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 03 2023
Why did the pirate proctologist have to walk the plank?
Because he couldnβt keep his hands off of everyone elseβs booty
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 05 2023
Did you hear about the bread factory that caught fire?
π︎ 412
π
︎ Dec 08 2022
I would never date anyone living in China.
Itβs just one big red flag.
π︎ 94
π
︎ Jan 29 2023
Maybe it's time to show her some Python
π︎ 79
π
︎ Jan 02 2023
The script for the movie Tetris took forever to finish. Every time they finished a line...
The line would disappear.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 20 2023
I don't trust mathematicians.
They're always plotting something!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 13 2023
Whatβs a chemists favorite soft drink?
Cobalt Calcium Cobalt Lanthanum.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 01 2023
I made sausage pi for dinner.
π︎ 915
π
︎ Oct 11 2022
My dad died due to us not being able to remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept insisting that we βbe positiveβ, but itβs hard without him.
π︎ 197
π
︎ Nov 28 2022
Two cats are having a swimming race. One is called βOne two threeβ, the other βUn deux troisβ. Which cat won?
βOne two threeβ because βUn deux trois cat sankβ.
π︎ 263
π
︎ Oct 25 2022
[warning 18+]
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 26 2022
To have a hobby sewing Swiss flags is a typically considered a huge red flag
Although, itβs actually a big plus
π︎ 93
π
︎ Dec 08 2022
What do you call a slave with fake teeth?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 31 2023
I asked my friend about LGBTQ+
And, he didnβt have a straight answer!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 27 2022
What is positive about being indecisive?
You get the benefit of the doubt.
π︎ 105
π
︎ Oct 25 2022
I hate Matryoshka dolls.
They're so full of themselves.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Nov 07 2022
Why do they put ice boxes on the outside of gas stations?
π︎ 36
π
︎ Dec 09 2022
Why did nobody ever believe the winner of the Rodeo World Championship?
Because they were one of the greatest bullsitters in the world.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 14 2022
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
π︎ 54
π
︎ Nov 11 2022
I'm not sure what is so great about Switzerland
But the flag is a big plus
π︎ 57
π
︎ Oct 01 2022
How do you form a better connection with your WI-FI?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 29 2022
I tried donating blood today ... NEVER AGAIN !!
Too many stupid questions. Who's blood is it ? Where did you get it from ? Why's it in a bucket ?
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Mar 04 2022
My dog Minton loves chasing shuttlecocks.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 13 2022
I'm so humbled by short people...
Because they are so down-to-earth.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 20 2022
An English cat named ABC challenges a French cat named 123 to a swim across the English Channel, from the UK to France. They both swim hard, but only the English cat makes it. What happened to the other cat?
Well, un deux trois quatre cinq.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Oct 07 2022
I want to get up
But that involves standing
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 31 2022
When in the Middle East, I found out that Google alters your search results depending on where you are.
I also found out how to make a bath bomb that will absolutely blow you away!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 15 2022
I couldn't find the new Shakespeare documentary on any streaming service.
I asked my wife if it was on Tubi, or not Tubi.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Oct 07 2022
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Sep 10 2022
I was thinking about buying an electric car
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 13 2022
Replaced a hinged door with an accordion door.
This is going to improve our life ten fold.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ May 12 2022
I met my wife in math class...
I guess you could say we added up.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Sep 04 2022
Switzerland has such amazing landscapes. But when I went to visit, I couldnβt stop laughing
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 16 2022
Why is coffee paranoid?
It gets mugged every day.
π︎ 52
π
︎ Sep 28 2022
I Just Found Out That I Have A Half Sister..
π︎ 41
π
︎ Sep 21 2022
What kind of lights did Noah have on his ark?
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jun 22 2022
How can a bag that weighs exactly one pound carry several hundred pounds?
When itβs a bag full of money, thatβs how.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 27 2022
What two letters are liquids, but when combined make a shelter?
T and P! (Tea and pee to be a teepee)
π︎ 41
π
︎ Jul 06 2022
What happens when you eat aluminum foil?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 31 2022
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