31 Hilarious Planned Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

The only thing I have planned for today is to get my new glasses.

Then I'll see what happens.

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👤︎ u/Kv9109

📅︎ Dec 30 2020

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People keep saying Trump had planned a coup but...

I considered him more of a sedan-guy with a chauffeur.

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/Quisenburg

📅︎ Jan 13 2021

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My mountain-climbing trips are very well planned

I’m always on top of things

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👤︎ u/TurtleofAwesomeness

📅︎ Oct 27 2020

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It’s my birthday today and no party is planned due to pandemic. And my daughter said this to cheer me up.

“You will have your cake and eat it too.”

PS: this is the best gift I can get today.

👍︎ 21

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👤︎ u/shishir-nsane

📅︎ Sep 24 2020

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Why do melons have such big planned weddings?

They can't elope

👍︎ 16

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👤︎ u/The_Gold_Phoenix65

📅︎ Sep 09 2020

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Professor dint have this planned

Me: I am planning to start a cider business She: any alternative plans if it doesn't work out? Me: I haven't decidered yet!

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/WetSoggyTaco

📅︎ Jul 06 2020

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Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/DeusJZ

📅︎ Jun 26 2020

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My daughter asked me what I planned to do today

"Well first, mom and I are gonna go pick up our prescription glasses"

"And then we'll see."

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/CaptainWolfo

📅︎ Jun 06 2020

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They kicked me out of art school when my sculpture didn't work out as planned.

I reached my statue of limitations.

👍︎ 21

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👤︎ u/Sir_Pluses

📅︎ Feb 05 2020

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My buddy spider really has his future planned.

He wants to become a web designer.

👍︎ 74

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👤︎ u/ShivanshuShekhar

📅︎ Dec 10 2019

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I tried to burn my friend a new arsehole by slipping chili peppers into his food, but things didn't go as planned when he switched dishes on me.

It backfired.

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/jeromocles

📅︎ Mar 08 2020

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Did you hear the story in the news about the man who planned to replace his head with a rabbits?

What a hare-brained scheme.

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/Philopean12

📅︎ Feb 14 2020

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If you've already planned out next year you've got 2020 vision

👍︎ 11

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👤︎ u/CybergothiChe

📅︎ Oct 17 2019

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Well , that didn't go as planned

👍︎ 35

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👤︎ u/Renegade2704

📅︎ Apr 23 2019

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My wife asked me what I have planned for next month. I told her I don't know.

I don't have 20/20 vision.

👍︎ 15

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👤︎ u/BadBoi4lyf

📅︎ Dec 01 2019

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Uber planned certain business strategy, but it drives customers away

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/vinotm

📅︎ Nov 21 2019

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Apple have cancelled thier planned cruise ship, the iTanic.

Apparently it kept synching when docked

Edit: I know spelling of 'their' is wrong. Cannot be changed.

👍︎ 920

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👤︎ u/IAMBiSH

📅︎ Mar 03 2017

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What do you call a planned death caused by a cat?

A PURRder @ -@ . . . . (help im new here aaaa)

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/mrpositivedownbeat

📅︎ Jun 30 2019

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Two rivaling rappers, named Jim and Tom planned to meet up for a rap battle. Jim totally destroyed his rival.

Tom's fans didn't expect this kind of diss appointment.

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/SupposedlyTropical42

📅︎ Oct 19 2018

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Was this planned?

👍︎ 20

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👤︎ u/noahep22

📅︎ Jun 01 2018

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In the 12th century, one African nation planned to utilize giraffes as pack animals to carry supplies between warring nations. However, the giraffes kept escaping. It was the first recorded instance of giraffe dodging.

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump

📅︎ Dec 10 2018

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I told my English teacher I planned on writing my onomatopoeia assignment on the word fap

He told me I was to discuss ting

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/vbace715

📅︎ Apr 04 2018

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While drumming for a jazz band, I planned to start sneaking in more and more triplets into my drumming.

Eventually, my plan went on in full swing.

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/HardPieceofRock

📅︎ Nov 11 2017

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My wife took our daughter for her first haircut and it didn't go as planned...

I came home from work and my wife pointed upstairs.

I just knew that our daughter had locked herself in her room and was crying her eyes out.

I knocked softly on the door and said, "Honey? Are you ok?"

She whimpered, "Daddy! I hate my haircut!"

I replied, “Don’t worry, it’ll grow on you.”

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter

📅︎ Nov 02 2017

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My wife and I planned the perfect date and then.

Wife: "now we just need to find someone to watch our kids"

Me: "well I'd volunteer, but I have a date!"

👍︎ 43

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👤︎ u/JordanMichael08

📅︎ Nov 06 2014

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Somebody asked if I planned to go camping this summer

"No," I replied, "I need to do something calmer. Camping is in tents."

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/elyas_machera

📅︎ Mar 13 2017

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I got my girlfriend good. Could not have planned it better.

On a walk I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Did you know male snails are extremely territorial?"

Without missing a beat she asks,

"Really? How do they fight?"

"They slug it out! ahaahahahaha"

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/nomanhasblindedme

📅︎ Feb 14 2015

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This pool-playing dad had it planned all along. (x-post from r/YouTubeHaiku)

Great trick dad.

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/huntsman1230

📅︎ Dec 18 2014

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The only thing I have planned for today is to get my new glasses

Then I’ll see what happens

👍︎ 7k

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👤︎ u/yriahm

📅︎ Dec 30 2019

🚨︎ report

The only thing I have planned for today is getting my new glasses

Then I'll see what happens

👍︎ 17

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👤︎ u/x_amxxn_x

📅︎ Feb 13 2020

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I was spontaneous once. it didn't go as planned

👍︎ 108

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👤︎ u/jnr_jinx

📅︎ Jul 12 2017

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