Because you Ctrl V
Because ketchup sus.
Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today.
Pasta al dente!
Don’t worry I still have a tahini bit left
A plaguerizer
"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for the use of words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.
Here goes...
.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
.. The batteries were given out free of charge.
.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
.. A will is a dead giveaway.
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
And the cream of the twisted crop:
.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
I was over at my MIL's with my wife and my MIL's boyfriend. We got on the subject of how my wife hates cold, chunky food. The rest of the conversation went like this
Mbf: "They make a toothpaste for that. It's called sensodyne.
Wife: " I have tried it, but it didn't work."
Me: "No. It's sensodyne, not Trident."
I also think I stopped my wife from punching the Mbf, because he hates him and he always thinks he has the answer to thinks. So... dadjoked stopped my wife from assaulting someone.
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
Dad: "Did you know that the people who live in this town aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"
Me: "Oh, why?"
Dad: "Cuz they're still alive."
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
It was a tense moment.
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
It’s my longest running joke of the year.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
For a closet racist.
Because it's always pasteurize
I am so, so sorry
Sven went up to the barn and said "Ole, I see da sign in your yard. All you have is a tractor and a combine". Ole said "Yep, and der boat for sale!"
A lady came up to me and said 'Aren't you going to stop them?'
I said 'No. That's not my stile.'
A Flashback
My wife and I were grocery shopping a few years ago.
I am 6'6", she is 5'1".
She couldn't find something and asked for help.
I found it on an 'upper' shelf.
She said she hadn't seen it, and I said it was past-eur-ized. She looked blank, then her face lit up, and laughed.
It is a situation we will always share.
Hmm. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think they just wanted them to hand something back.
Posthummus.
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
You can only "ran" because it's past tents. (Sorry if this has been posted before. I just joined this sub)
Things got a little tense.
They say it’s a blast from the past!
*credit to my 9 year old daughter
He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."
[removed]
It’s starting to become a running joke at this point
Absolutely nothing.
They were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
Looks like it was a Christler
"And you want to send me to a psychologist for sucking my thumb."
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
It's the inflation.
'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.
'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.
Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.
He walked past in a uniform and I thought "There's a keeper."
He lives just a stone throw away.
It might be farmer Geddon.
I don’t know what to make of it.
He was eating a sandwich. I said "you're not allowed gluten, what's that?" He replied "it's b-r-e-a-d" I said "what, bread?"
He said "no, b-r-e-a-d. It's spelt bread"
She stops and ask "What?"
- "Your speed!"
She glares at me and says: "Dad, you lost something!"
- "What?"
- "Your hair!"
Oof.
True story.
I should’ve known she’d be good at bringing up the past.
It was very tense.
And things got a little tense.
