How much do cars like parking space?

Quite a LOT.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Neutranium
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey, i need some parking space?

It would mean a lot!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shitson1310
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
DadProTip: When you back out of a parking space, be sure to say "Thiiiis takes me back" every time your kids are in the car.
πŸ‘︎ 184
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TimmyTesticles
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
They converted a parking space into a mattress store.

It’s called Sleep Lots.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinuvian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Parking a single car doesn’t need much space, but parking 200 cars...

...now, that needs a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2018
🚨︎ report
There's a scarcity of parking space in our vicinity but our premises are relatively big. So, I regularly help nearby companies by offering them a space for their cars on our grounds.

I allot a lot a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Every time my dad pulls out of a parking space

Whenever he can't see past the car next to him he asks us in the back to check for cars.

Him: How does it look? Us: You're good. Him: Well I know that, but are there any cars coming?

Gets me everytime.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RockKickA3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2014
🚨︎ report
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to rent a space together to park our cars.

We have....a lot in common.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Recently I’ve been collecting cans in the park and crushing them down to save space.

My wife insists I need to find a hobby that’s not soda pressing

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.

I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m sorry sir but you can’t park in this space.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ldcroberts
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I go to Popeye's to get the kids something to eat.

Maddie wanted the kids meal with a leg so I said β€œKids meal with the leg” and the lady says β€œWhich side?”

Me- *complete silence as I heavily contemplate such an odd decision*

β€œI guess the right side, hell I don’t know what the difference is.”

After several moments of laughter she says β€œNo hunny which side would you like to go with the leg? Potatoes or fries?”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viperfour
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever have your kid come up with a better punchline than your original?

I went to ask my daughter:

Where do you park when you visit the moon?

(Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!)

But straight faced she replies:

Anywhere you can find space.

Then she grinned... (she knew what she was doing)... space dad. get it? in space....

Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My 7yr old son is getting a jump start on being a dad

We were parking and I read the street sweeper sign out loud

Me: Monday 930-11am

Son: it's Thursday

Me: ya I know I was just reading the sign

Son: I was talking to the sign, not you

Me: signs don't speak English

Son: I know, they speak sign language.

Edit: My lazy ass logged in and fixed the formatting.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JJTG64
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Buddy Doesn't Know How to Park

So this is a true story.

I work a retail job. My friend neglected to properly put his Mustang in park in his space. It moved backwards across the lot and in to a customer's Jeep Grand Cherokee. Luckily for him, the damage was not serious.

Unlucky for him, all of my coworkers (and a few customers) proceeded to mercilessly roast him on the showroom floor.

Looking to me to defend him, he asked, "why don't you back me up?"

I said: "Back up seems to be the last thing you need, I'd just learn to roll with it, you might say I'm pretty neutral..."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allnerdsbewareme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
The doctor diagnosed me with a very rare disease.

Apparently, my male offspring won't be able to drive but would rather stop the car whenever he sees an empty space.

I've got parking son disease.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad's jokes drove us crazy

My dad was riding shotgun while my brother was making repeated futile attempts to pull his Suburban into a narrow parking space. Dad turned around to me, looked me in the eye and deadpanned, "He's got parking son's disease".

πŸ‘︎ 503
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/towbeear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
🚨︎ report
One of My Dad's Favorites

Whenever we're trying to find a space in a crowded parking lot, he'll exclaim, "I'd give my left leg for one of those handicap stickers!"

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZugTheMegasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Wife dadjoked me

We stopped at a dollar store to pick up a few items, and I parked in front of the store next to a handicap stall. I noticed the handicap stall was the same width as a regular parking stall, to which I remarked, "That's not really a convenient parking stall as there's no space for the handicap person to maneuver." My wife replied, "Ya, that's not very handy!"

Visual reference http://i.imgur.com/hM8a1kP.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aamir64
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
🚨︎ report
The guy driving Elon Musk’s Roadster already got a ticket.

Officer said he couldn’t park in this Space.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bayarea168
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my father-in-law

FIL, MIL, wife and I are in a car looking for a parking space, FIL driving. We're in a packed parking lot and he says to everyone, "look for a parking spot."

I point to a row of cars and say "there's a bunch right there!"

Wife says "none are empty, though."

I say "Yeah, but they're parking spots!"

FIL gave me the stink eye and sighed

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madprofessor8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Elon Musk's Starman is not enjoying himself in orbit!

He can't find a park-in-space.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked at the drive-thru

So I was in the drive-thru at Taco Bell last night, and the guy asked me if I wanted any sauce with my deliciously awful food, and I told him I wanted mild. I said, "Several, if that's cool." He responded by saying, "Well, it's gonna be mild, not cool." I had to pull into a parking space to give myself a minute to stop laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Velourium53
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2014
🚨︎ report
Heading in for an appointment...

If you've ever been to a hospital that has valet service, you know that they can sometimes drive like jerks.

So my dad and I were driving up the parking ramp to our parking space for an appointment (valet service is optional at this hospital), and one of the valet drivers was riding our ass the whole way. I said, "Damn, this guy in the Lincoln needs to slow down." My dad responded, "The valets here all drive like jerks." As we reached the parking spot the guy pretty much blew past. So then I chimed in with "You'd think people at a hospital would be more patient." And my dad just replied with a groan and a "gee whiz."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WaffleBrothel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
🚨︎ report
Bf's dad on his birthday...

We are on a ski trip in Colorado for his birthday and Christmas. We have to wake up early so we can get a good parking space and beat the crowds. Today is his birthday and our alarm clock this morning was the theme song to Hawaii 5-O. He turned 50 today. Hahaha.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonrose273
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Genesis Rising (u/folxify) had a good dad joke:

What do you do when you see a space man?

You park your car, man.

http://i.imgur.com/lkGbFJk.png?2

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2014
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.