I have a fear of over complicated industrial facilities

It's a complex complex complex

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
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2 crazy men were trying to escape from a mental facility...

but the only way out was from the roof. They got up there, before realizing they didn’t have any rope. One guy says, β€œOh yeah! I’ve got a flashlight! Ill point it to the ground and you can climb down the beam.” The other guy says, β€œWhat, am I crazy? I’d get half way down and you’d turn it off!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carasius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
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Despite all the dirt, I finally could grab a good photo of that metal milling facility reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Constant__Pain
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Someone was recently traumatized at a glass bottling facility.

I've heard it was a jarring experience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/njuff22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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I quit my job at the recycling facility because they were making me crush cans all day long.

It was soda pressing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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I was thinking about getting a new job at a mirror construction facility...

It's a job I could really see myself doing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/himma14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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What do you call a midget prisoner climbing down the fence around the facility?

A little condescending

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PFC-Snowflake
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Pun Request: Facilities Department needs a team name for an office wide Bubble Hockey Team

Any ideas on bringing Office Management and Hockey Terms together for a good team name?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoJohnTrumbal
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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So the morgue nearby claims to have the best facilities to take care of corpses after they're dead...

They must be right, as everybody is dying to get there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZSSDistortion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
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I found this while walking around the CERN facility on Google maps.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vincentw09
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
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Kraft food is opening a production facility in the middle east.

Me: Really dad thats pretty interesting.

Dad: Yeah theyre gonna call it Cheeseus of Nazareth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FGoose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2013
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What do you call an apartment building where only Mexican men live?

A seΓ±or living facility.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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Where do you find the best ducks?

In the producktion facilities

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaywalkerr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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That'll show him

A large corporation, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know he meant business.

He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO told him to wait right there. He walked back to his office and came back a couple of minutes later and handed the guy $1600 in cash. "Here's 4 weeks pay. Now GET Out and don't come back here!"

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Dominoes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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In Soviet Russia

Back in the old USSR, a Soviet inspector met with the foreman of a large manufacturing facility.

Inspector: good morning comrade, how many men work here?

Foreman: about half

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bertrandmacklin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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I hope this doesn't fall β™­

So a C, an E-flat and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
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My dad just texted me this so I think it counts.

Sorry about being a little out of touch the past couple of months. My business partner bailed on me in January and I'm in the process of forming a new corporation with a couple of investors, hiring a new bookkeeper (my expartner's wife used to do that), arranging a storage facility, moving offices and re-organizing staff. It has been hectic.

Part of my business model is consulting. I recently had an experience that proves the value of consulting & demonstrates how consultants can make a difference in an organization. I was very impressed. I think this is a segment that I can develop with financial help.

Last week, I went out with some friends to a new restaurant (Steve's Bistro & Provisional Ales). I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GHOSTWRlTlNG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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He got a bug

I work at an assisted living facility and the other day they were going to be spraying my unit for bed bugs (preventatively). But on the day the exterminator called out sick, and as I was going around informing residents one grinned and said β€œHe got a bug”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/polkinator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was ask

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onmugen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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I saw my chance and I took it! I like to think my Dad taught me well.

So I work asphalt maintenance (crackseal). Saturday I had a special note on the contract that said "Only do Major Cracks". Working at a Browning facility it made me think military. So at the end of the day I called up my boss and I just couldn't hold it back anymore. "Sorry, I didn't see Major Cracks, but There was a Colonel Mustard and a Captain Crunch, but I didn't do them as was requested".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vyrot89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
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I read an interesting article recently...

Apparently, Alaskan racing dogs perform optimally when they consume non-meat products mid-run; needless to say, this has caused a great change in tactics. A lot of it is untested, but a few dogs are going through trials to see how various types of fungi impact their speeds. The training facility was just built; they call it the "mush room."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FKDSOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2014
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Heard this from a wise old man at the barbershop...

Was getting my haircut, and the older gentleman in the chair next to me was complaining about service nowadays, saying it wasn't like it used to be.

He said, "My wife and I went out to eat last week, and at one point I needed to use the restroom. So I went in there, used the facilities, and as I was wrapping up, I saw a sign that said 'Employees must wash hands!'"

"I waited for damn near 15 minutes, and no one even showed up, so I grabbed my wife and got the hell out of there!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/landon34
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
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saw this on r/jokes and had to share it

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/friscosoa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2013
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Although he didn't tell me if he had kids or not, this guy is definitely a dad.

I work in the recreation facility run by my local city government. (Side note, it's an awesome job for a college student)

Anyways, this evening I had an elderly couple (74 & 70) come in to sign up for one of the programs we offer here. I looked up the wife's name in the computer and saw her husband in the same household. I said to the husband,

"Are you Kent?"

"Last I checked."

Got a smile from me and a groan from his wife.

Closing our conversation, I told them both that the event was being held inside Gym 2, tomorrow at 12:00.

"Poor Jim."

I love this guy, haha.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stubrochill17
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2014
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Dadjoke at Work

Younger guy working with me is going help maintenance change some light bulbs today. But he tells me doesn't know where (we have 30 facilities).

I stop typing, look at him and say, "Well I guess you could say they're... leaving you in the dark".

He shakes his head, pretends to chuckle (he's a bit new and thus required to agree with me), then goes about his work again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZenHarasaki
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2014
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At the hotel with my parents...

Scene: The lady at the front desk is telling us how long the facilities are open.

"Okay, so the pool is open 7-10, the bar is open 6-11, and the gym is open 24 hours."

My dad starts giggling, looks at me, and says "24 hours? I can't work out that long!".

Cue the groans from my mother and I.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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In a public toilet with dad

We stopped for bathroom break during a car trip, and while we were taking wizz in the facilities (no one else there) dad suddenly goes "Does it still burn while you pee?" I mumbled something like "No...I mean no it never did". Almost got me there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elvis_jagger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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Dad joked while getting a tour of a glass factory

So i know the joke is old, but the application was classic...

I was with my dad buying some glass cutting supplies and the guy in the store was really dry and seemed to take his job pretty seriously. We wrapped up our purchase and the shop worker asked if we wanted a quick tour of the production facility. We said 'yes' and walked into the back. Shop worker guy showed us some bullet proof glass, and a new self obscuring glass... then he mentions that most of what they do is provide mirrors for elevators and he turns to walk us over to the last section of the facility where they do wood grain backed mirrors. My dad stops walking and says "elevators hey"? The shop worker turns and looks at him... "I hear that industry has it's ups and downs"... Shop worker guy makes eye contact with me and turns and continues his tour. While no noise escaped his lips i could feel an internal groan that shook the walls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbyflorentine
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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My friend dropped a great dad joke last spring

We were traveling to Austin, Texas to watch the first rounds of the NCAA tournament. We had the opportunity to take a tour of the UT campus while there. As we were walking through their athletics facility my friend says, "All of this orange is rather "Austin"tatious".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LurchPuppy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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Dad vs USPS

So I was talking with my father about how a package that should have been delivered on Friday hadn't come yet, with no updates other than departing a facility in NJ about 30 miles from me on Thursday.

Me: So right now it's trapped in the USPS abyss between here and NJ

Dad: How abyssmal!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ollien
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2014
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Telling a friend about applying for Hanford/Bechtel

I am M2F trans with 2 kids. Although I am very fem, the dad jokes still sometimes slip. Tonight, I was speaking with a friend on Facebook and this classic came out while talking about my job hunt and seeking a position with Hanford and/or Bechtel (a nuclear facility)

"Hopefully I'll get at least an interview. I hear that it's a pretty toxic environment, but if you're in, it's a big nuclear family"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierragirl78
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2014
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