What's the best month to have a parade?

March

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nateosis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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Waiting for the parade to start;

Someone says, let’s get this show on the road.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards ?

A receding hare-line !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Just got the Father-in-law with this one... Me: At Disney World parades they keep people in line with masking tape on the ground.

Father-in-Law: And do people actually adhere to it? Me: No, cuz they put it sticky side down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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Don't forget to watch the big parade tomorrow!

The calendars are going to March...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikthise042
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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What do you call a group waiting to view the Pride Parade?

An LGBT Queue

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quadruplebacon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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If january threw a parade would february march?

no but april may!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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If hell is hot, then heaven's gotta be cold

Guess that's why they call it paradice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnificent-Moe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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The parade was literally r/trashy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tatorumble22
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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The parade has been on for more than 1.5 minutes and now I'm confused...

... because at the beginning, the announcer clearly said "Welcome to the 90-second Thanksgiving Day parade!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anaconda386
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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Did you know the Bible actually predicted that gay parades would be held during the summer?

Pride comes before the fall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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Once again the annual ninja parade passed through town unnoticed.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twitchy987
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Happy parade day!

March 4

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jusmaskn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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I went to a pride parade today.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whatsyourassword
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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if someone walks out of line in a gay parade, is he walking straight?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BawaPawa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
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Yesterday before marching a parade.

A member of my section drops their trombone and says: "Today is really getting off on the right foot."

Me: "No you start on your left."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonArc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
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I heard a speech given from a parade float...

It was a moving performance, to say the least.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
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Punrelenting word play at the Rose Parade

New Year's Day... The start of a fresh 365 sunrises that symbolize a turning point in lifestyle and spending the entire day recovering from a dreadful hangover. Like many other people in America, this relatively fake holiday is a time that I spend with my family. One of my family's many traditions (alongside annihilating plates of buffalo wings and watching college football until we pass out on the couch) is watching the Rose Parade. At the very beginning of the event, before all of the flower-covered floats and high school bands came marching down the street, there was an introductory ceremony complete with a B-2 stealth bomber flyover. As soon as they passed by, zooming out of the camera's frame, my dad leans in closer to me and says "Well I sure didn't see that coming!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MinisculePeen
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
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We went to parade in rural Ohio yesterday and saw a lot of Amish folks

But I did not see anyone that was completely Am.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeekYogurt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
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My dad at every parade when the pooper scooper guy comes by.

That would be a shitty job.

That job must stink.

What a crappy career choice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marmalade6
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
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Dad at Pride Parade

My dad(who is a big LGBT ally) sees a float at pride parade with musicians playing the bagpipe. He leans over to me and says "I guess we should call them fagpipes now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steinbeckian
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2015
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Since the government's instituted shelter-in-place orders, lions have been roaming main street...

It's a Pride Parade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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Macy Day Parade DadJoke

Watching the Macy's Day Parade. Some band with Dancers come on the screen.

Me- Wow, these dancers are very out of sync with each other.

Dad- That's why they are not named NSYNC.

...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZekeEasy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
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Unintentional dad joke..

I'd been doing yard and shed work on a hot day and bought some boardshorts/trunks from an op shop (goodwill) on my way home. Joked around with the older ladies at the register. They said I should try them on and give them a parade... As I was walking away I said "... nah, I'm too hot and dirty..."

As the words were still coming out of my mouth I realized what I'd done. I left in a confused haze of embarrassment and achievement. For a brief moment I touched the state of effortless dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/earnestpeabody
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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My dad was on a roll at the Christmas parade last night
  1. Troupe of mimes starts a performance, turns to me: "Quiet! I wanna hear this!"
  2. Drum line guys walking around afterwards: "Why don't you take your drum and beat it!"
  3. Local art store named O'Dunn's: "Have you finished the painting yet? Are you o' dunn?"

All I could do was laugh and roll my eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SBDD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2013
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I was all set to celebrate my promotion at work when my son came home and said he was voted king of his class...

He really reigned on my parade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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A good set of dad jokes for a rainy day

Ouch I'm in alot of rain. What the hail. You little sleet. Sorry for raining on your parade I thought it would be snow problem. I'm going to sleet. What don't give me the cold shoulder. It's ice to see you. Water you doing. Fin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axd109
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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If you should ever need an ark...

I Noah guy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wishfulnightmare
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
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My Girlfriend's Dad dropped a nice one

There was a Santa Claus parade happening in my town and a marching band passes by. I read out loud "marching since 1947" and her dad looks at us and said, "Wow, they must be pretty tired."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Affliciton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2014
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Chemistry pun

Well, sorry to radon your parade, but all of your belongings from your house argon. Someone stole them, and judging by the evidence, whoever stole them would want to barium. There he is! Cesium! Don't let him get away!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5wag_5andwich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2012
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My dad has a whole list of responses to the same question

Any retail/coffee clerk: how are you today sir?

Dad: Like a fart in a space suit, Like a fire hydrant at a dog parade, Can I get back to you on that?, Like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

There is more I just can't remember them all. So embarrassing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaimel7477
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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Dating Drama

I went on a few dates with a girl who works at Macy's. We chat a lot and then she sprung a weird question on me. She said, "my boss thinks you're cute and wants your number. Should I give it to her?" I told her I'd prefer to keep dating her and not her boss, but if she just wanted to be friends, then she could give her my number, which she did.

When I told this story to my dad, he said, "you could date both of them at the same time and choose the most interesting one." I said, "that sounds like that could be a reality show" and without missing a beat he said, "yeah, it could be called Macy's Date Parade."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tolerantlychaotic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
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My dad just made this one during the olympics

We were watching the parade of the countries.

Dad: "What comes after Guam?"

Me: "Guatemala I think"

Dad: "No, Two"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaineGray
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
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I walked right into one while watching the opening ceremony last night.

My husband and I were watching the parade of nations and Belize was entering the stadium. The population and number of athletes were displayed on the bottom and I said, "Wow, I didn't know Belize had such a small population. Not even half a million people."

My husband replied, "Yea, it's pretty unbeliezable."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notstephanie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
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Micronesia

Watching the Olympic parade of nations with my dad and sister.

Sister: Oooh Micronesia

Dad: Yeah that's just a small loss of memory.

Me: facepalm

A little while later...

Sister: Wait where was Micronesia?

Dad: You didn't see them because they're so small

Me: more facepalm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jarrell127
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
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Went to Disney World with my girlfriend

We saw a parade that had Peter Pan with a float of Big Ben, and it was moving pretty quick for a parade float.

I turn to my girlfriend and say: "looks like that clocks running a little fast."

I'm not a Dad yet, but I feel like I'll be good at it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/warchiello
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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While waiting to turn at an intersection

>Dad: Are you a float? > >Mom: Why? > >Dad: Because you have a parade of cars waiting for you to turn!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DHouse7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2013
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My dad got my mom with this one at the dinner table.

We were discussing going to the parade of homes and my mom said "All that walking around would just aggravate my plantar fasciitis, and once I get that in my head the day is ruined."

Then my dad replies "In your head? I thought you had it in your feet!" My mom rolled her eyes and me and my brother gave my dad finger guns and said "Eyyyyyyyyy."

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2016
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Clowning around

My 7yr old was in a parade last night and along with a bunch of candy, came home with a picture/buisness card for a local clown. This morning he was looking for it. "Dad where is my clown picture?" "Look in the bathroom above the sink" he looks. "Not there Dad"
"Get your sister, there are two clowns in the picture now" They get halfway to the bathroom before I die laughing and get the" Hey!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/everluvblueeyed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2014
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What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line!

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2016
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Why are Gay Pride parades in Summer?

Because Pride comes before the Fall.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/foomachoo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2016
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Happy Parade Day

March 4th

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grantyourwish_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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Happy Parade Day!

March 4th

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mark4669
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
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