Panty Puns

He’s been undie-feeted ever since.

So I could fit the rest of her socks in the drawer.

Depends

They're lacey green.

I said, “She isn’t wearing panties. She is wearing boxers!”

I’m just proud that I made my wife laugh at one of my corny jokes for once.

So they had to walk really close together.

I told her she should probably put them back on before someone sees her doing that.

Apparently Shatner panties was a poor choice of name.

Then she told me to take off her heels and bra, then she told me to take her panties off. And then she told me to stop wearing her clothes

Crabby panties

But “Shatner Panties” was not a good business.

But she got her panties in a bunch over it.

She was caught because staff could see her panty lime.

Shatner panties just didn't sell that well.

I got my wife with a rather unexpected dad joke last night.

I generally don't like surprises, with only a few exceptions. Last night, I come into the bedroom and she is wearing a white corset, matching panties, knee high socks, and high heels.

She asks "Is this the kind of surprise you might like?"

I respond with a big dumb grin on my face, "Of 'corset' is!"

It almost cost me a fun night, but it was worth it.

Just before his son got married, Dad decides it’s time to, have the talk. He says “ Son, 30 years ago when I married your mother. I knew I had to let it be known, who wears the pants in this family, and as soon as we got home, I took off my pants and tossed them to her to put on. To which she replied” I can’t wear your pants.” I told her “ That’s right and don’t you ever forget it.” Son decided to follow that advice because, his mom and dad have had an amazing marriage.... So,as soon as he and is new bride crossed the threshold. He sends her to the bed, takes his paints off, and tosses them to her. As if planned she says” I can’t wear your pants”. To which his reply was“ That’s right and don’t you forget it.” As if turned on, she pulls her panties down really slow and then tosses them to him to put on. To which he replied “I can’t get in your panties.” And the new bride boldly said “ and if you don’t change your attitude... You never will.”

And we're off! Like a brides panties.

I told her she married a real panty dropper

and I noticed that her green underwear (usually reserved for certain times of the month) had been rinsed and thrown into the hamper. Suspecting she had been doing the Aztec two-step in the chocolate rain, I held up up the pair of panties and asked what color she thought her panties were. "I dunno...lime green?" she guessed. To which I responded, "Are you sure they're not shartreuse?"

I called my mom out on a lie and said "liar liar pants on fire"

She quipped with "i better go get my panty hose then"

...to find his house with the lights dimmed down and candles surrounding the bed in the bedroom. He finds his wife there, laying abroad with sexy panties and a pink bra, and her bangs covering her left eye. She smiles. "Tonight," she says. "Is going to be the sexiest and most passionate night of your life, sweetie." The husband smiles as his wife gets up and unties his tie for him, and unbuckles his pants. He can't wait. "Lets try role playing." she says. "I'll be your slutty little daughter, and you'll be my father who needs to teach me... discipline..." He grins widely, liking where this is going. His wife grabs him and pulls him down to the bed. She whispers in his ear. "I'm so horny..." The husband enjoys this and decides to follow along with the role playing. He then whispers back in her ear. "Hi, horny. I'm dad."

My wife and I are at the winery with my parents and the guy pouring samples is just flirting with all of the women, including my mom and wife, and telling dirty jokes, which is no big deal, but I don't really appreciate him calling wine "panty dropper" when he pours it for my mom. That kind of weird stuff, y'know?

Then he tells a story that he has an identical twin brother, and when they were infants, people would always ask his mother how she tells the two of them apart.

"I can tell them apart by their balls,"

And we're all like, "Jesus, enough with the gross out humor already," but he finishes the joke; "One of the babies bawls all day, the other bawls all night,"

Panties. Oh, and screwing your jokes up.

I did the laundry unasked today, but I left my sister's socks and underwear for them to do (ain't nobody got time to match all their colorful socks.) When they came home, she asked me why I didn't do her underwear. I said, "Well, I would've done them wrong and then your panties would all be in a bunch."

Apparently "Shatner Panties" wasn't the best choice for a name.

Apparently Shatner panties was not a good name.