A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, “What’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,
Multiple thefts of porch steps from different addresses in downtown Detroit.
Top Detectives have been assigned to the stair case.
The first step in confronting a crafting problem,
How to draw a horse in two steps:
- Draw a unicorn.
- Erase his horn.
What do you say when your sister steps on your foot and breaks your toe in half?
Social distancing is just a step in the right direction.
Learn to walk in two easy steps
After the contractor did a poor job installing the moving stairs in our office building my boss threw him down the steps.
I just failed a fire safety course when they asked what steps I would take in case of an explosion...
Apparently, "extremely large ones" wasn’t an acceptable answer...
I get so annoyed when I step in dog poop.
I guess you could say it's a pet peeve.
I used to randomly sort resumes into 2 piles. One of the piles I'd throw out. The ones in the remaining were lucky enough to go to step 2.
I guess I wasn't much of a police detective.
What do you call 100 rabbits in a straight line that take a step back at the same time?
I’m deathly afraid of elevators, in fact I take a lot of steps to avoid them.
When I show people my step ladder I always tell them in a sad voice,
“I never knew my real ladder.”
How to stop procrastination in a few Easy steps
I'll add them later so save this if you want
How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator in three steps?
- Open the refrigerator door
- Put the elephant in
- Close the refrigerator door
What do you call it when you step in milk?
Getting fire training at work and was asked what steps to take in the event of a fire.
I said BIG ONES in the opposite direction of the fire....apparently the wrong answer.
I love this warm weather coming around. Really puts a Spring in my step.
I saw a kid getting bullied by 3 other kids so i decided to step in
He didnt have a chance against the 4 of us
What do you call a step dad who makes awkward comments in social situations?
My mom accidentally kneed my step-dad in his thigh.
She apologized when he told her she got him hard enough to leave a bruise and she, jokingly, asked if he would leave her over it.
He replied, "No. Because you kneed me..." and winked.
-_-
I've decided to step up my dad joke game in 2015
So I'm posting this from the upstairs computer
I have a tattoo of the Scottish flag on my arm. Step dad is in Scotland.
Step dad texts me this morning
"Hey Paul, they really love you over here in Scotland, they show your tattoo everywhere!"
My Step-Dad was telling a story about when he got carbon monoxide poisoning when he was in the Army.
I asked "Did you tell your... CO?"
He didn't get it.
Got in a fight with my step ladder today...
I just wish it'd quit trying to replace my real ladder.
My girlfriend was trying to reach something high in a cupboard. I asked if she had the choice between a step-stool or something taller...
...would she chose the latter?
My 5 year old son went out to the kitchen, gets the step stool, and sets it up in the middle of the living room...
I'm sitting here on the couch watching him run back and forth across the room while he makes race car noises. After a few minutes, I ask him what he's doing.
He replies, "I'm passing stool!"
...What have I created?
"There's been water on the basement stairs since it rained. Make sure you don't step in it."
Texting my sister when autocorrect decided to step in
Me: I just go on reddit during my breaks. I find it a good way to pass time on my phone without using heaps of data like tumblr does
Sister: That's true.. but I mainly just read fanfics
Me: I'm trying to not read fabrics bc I have so many books to read
Sister: Lol you read fabrics?
Me: Nah, reddit has better threads than fabrics
I failed a health and safety course yesterday. One of the questions was ‘in the event of a fire, what steps would you take?’
‘Large ones’ was apparently the wrong answer.
I failed my fire safety course when I was asked what steps I would take in case there was an explosion.
“Really large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.
I stepped on a spring and now I have a spring in my step.
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