π︎ 21
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︎ Apr 03 2020
Dad's son's joke...
Once upon a time, there was a dad and he was very well known at gatherings with his witty humor and painful puns.
Then his son came along, and very quickly picked up on dad's gifts but he used them on the internet instead.
Dad mused for a minute, and said it must be heredditary...
π︎ 2
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︎ May 21 2020
saw a girl with a tattoo of a tree on her breast, seems like it would be painful...
π︎ 157
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︎ May 08 2021
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
π︎ 261
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︎ Mar 24 2021
I was out on a safari when i saw this big, fat, grey animal limping painfully toward a muddy pond. I asked the tour guide if it was injured...
He said, "No, it's just a hip-hurt-potamus"
π︎ 8
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︎ May 05 2021
I went in to get a checkup for severe pain near my belly and the doctor said "You have acute appendicitis". And I said..
Thanks, but I was looking for a treatment, not a compliment.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
The fish in my fish tank seem to be fatigued and in constant pain.
I think it is fibromyalgae.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
This pun is so painful maybe that's why it's on a window pane
π︎ 44
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︎ Mar 19 2021
Why did the person with muscle pain put their doctor through a Soda Stream?
Because they needed to see a fizzier therapist.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 23 2021
When someone calls you a pain in the neck..
They really mean youβre a pain in the assophagus
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 22 2021
You get no pain...
When you run out of bread in France
π︎ 18
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︎ Mar 11 2021
A bread demon would bring a lot of pain.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I am worried she wonβt be able to pull it off.
π︎ 13
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︎ Mar 20 2021
The french revolution was kind of a pain in the neck, but once it was over it was a weight off of some people's shoulders
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 08 2021
What do you call a dinosaur thatβs in pain after sitting down for too long?
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 24 2021
i went to the chiropractor with back pain, i didn't think it was that bad. he looked at me and said i have scoliosis, and he fixed me!
π︎ 21
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︎ Feb 24 2021
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.
When I got home, they were still there.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
Whatβs better than pain?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
I'm having frequent pains lately.
π︎ 14
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︎ Jan 20 2021
My co-workers and I would suffer from wrist pain when we would drive through a mountain on our way to work together
We were diagnosed with carpool tunnel syndrome
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 23 2021
I had pain my knees, but with the help of my doctor, I feel better.
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 02 2021
My French friend said βHELP! Iβm in pain!β
Now I just need to get him out of that loaf
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
Neck pain
π︎ 143
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
What is T-Pain's favorite piece of clothing?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
Who does Mr. Salt go to when he has back pain?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
What do the French do after buying bread?
π︎ 20
π
︎ May 01 2021
Life is Pain
π︎ 22
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
I used to think diabetes was a pain in the butt
But it turns out to be more of a pain the the fingers.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, "What's wrong?". She screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, honey." I replied. "What is wrong?"
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
Why was the horse always in pain?
Because his name was Charlie.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I went to the Med school library to get a book on abdominal pain
Someone had already ripped the appendix out.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
An abusement park
π︎ 176
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
It was so painful having to put my pet dog down today.
I might have to get my back checked out.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didnβt laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
π︎ 205
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︎ Aug 26 2020
The pain! It hertz!
π︎ 404
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?
because the parrots eat em all
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.
She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity
π︎ 49
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
What do you call an idiot whoβs hooked on pain killers?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
Man, I've had it with Amazon.
Every time I order chicken pellets and grain, they email me 3 days later, asking for their feed back.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
π︎ 175
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain.
Iβm really worried she wonβt be able to pull it off.
π︎ 118
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, βWhatβs wrong?β. She screamed. βThese contractions are going to kill me!!β
βI am sorry, honey,β I replied. βWhat is wrong?β
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Aug 03 2019
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