How many olives grow on a tree?

all-of them

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16
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I went on a date, and all she kept talking about for three hours was olive oil

I’m thinking extra virgin

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 20
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Why don’t we ever have olives in our fridge?

Because I always eat olive them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LookAtMeImAName
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
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Wife: I know you don’t like olives, but there are so many in this salad. I can’t get them out.

Me: Olive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lastwords87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
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We olive get out of here!
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
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Olive Garden kid’s cups
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHaveAThiccccCat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
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My son asked why so many people liked black olives...

I replied, β€œyou should ask olive them.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdaChinz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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Peanut oil is made from peanuts. Olive oil is from olives..

I'm not ever buying any more baby oil.

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
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Why was Popeye first attracted to Olive Oyl?

He heard she was extra virgin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riverrat423
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
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"I'll be Rudolph!" "I'll be Olive!" "Huh?"

"You know, Olive? The other reindeer? She used to laugh and call him names."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmostButNotQuit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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Two olives are sitting at a bar

Two olives are sitting at a bar, one falls off and the other one says "Ahhh are you ok?" And the one that fell is like "Yeah, olive."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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Looks like they spilled Olive it...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lompx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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Olive oil

My uncle Arnie asked me if I knew where extra virgin olive oil came from. I said no and he said very ugly trees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TY2VETS
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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How does virgin olive oil become extra virgin olive oil?

After getting dating advice from a Redditor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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I just sauteed some leeks and a couple of eggs in olive oil, added cauliflower soup and put it all in a blender. I call it

Soup of cauliflower, leeks, two eggs and olive oil juice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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Domino’s fucked up, but we still ate olive it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inDgenious
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
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Why don’t olives die?

Because they olive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hunted9342
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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Olive oil and I have one thing in common

We are both extra virgin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CAP815
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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I gave valuable customer feedback to an Olive Garden in exchange for a gift card

In return I received a pasta dish.

For the first time in my life, I actually received a Penne for my thoughts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/muncie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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How many olives grow on a tree?

Olive them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Golden_Pwny_Boy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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[Be sure to say this out loud while reading] Two olives are sitting on a branch

One falls off, the one still on the branch asked β€œare you OK?”

The one the ground said β€œI’ll live”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NaturallyFrank
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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Olive Bar Pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OpenSourcePro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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When ordering dinner, my wife asked for no olives...

Waiter: Ok, we'll leave olive 'em off for you!

He thanked us for laughing, as he said he "usually just gets groans"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brewvarlet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
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How does olive oil lose its virginity?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eXieBoiiTV
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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I dropped a can of olives and my wife was concerned, so I replied...

"Don't worry, I didn't spill olive them."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/technically_art
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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I told my wife I just dropped her can of black olives.

I told her not to worry. I didn't drop olive them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigGunsJC
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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What did the green olive say to the purple olive?

BREATHE, GODDAMMIT, BREATHE!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rogers_philippe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
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I once got kicked out of 2 olive gardens for eating too many breadsticks

My friend asked me how many exactly
I said, "Olive them"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGamerBoy015
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
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What happened when Moses went to Mount Olive?

Popeye punched him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobbobthebob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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What did the spanish waiter say at olive garden?

ΒΏQue Pasta?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehlon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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I dropped an olive on the floor... oh well

Olive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goldlandlo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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What does Olive Garden serve on Halloween?

Fettuccini Afraid-O.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mentoman72
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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I was a server at Olive Garden

I asked this guy if we wanted "soup or salad?" He said he "yes! I want the super salad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gumbystruck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2017
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Olive Garden Fantasy Football

In a fantasy football league with some olive garden employees. Team name is Olive the TDs. Anyone have any other good team names?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeadKisses
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2016
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Why were the olives fighting in the jar?

Because they were pitted against each other.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mstyczynski
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
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Dad, what does it mean if olive oil is "extra virgin"?

"It means it must be in your friend group."

Damn dad. Cold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoubleUnderscore
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
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My wife asked if olive green was too much.

I said a little green is good but not olive it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gapmasta
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2017
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When it comes to good quality olive oil, I feel sorry for green olives...

They must be under a lot of pressure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tirbert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2016
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Why did the soccer coach take his team to Olive garden?

He wanted them to pasta bowl.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
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My boyfriend said, "Do you know how extra virgin olive oil is made?"

"How?"

"It's made from really ugly olives."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuaereVerumm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2014
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We had olives for dinner…

My daughter asked if she could have some olives. I told her she could have some of them, but not olive them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
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Pulling up to Olive Garden last night with my Dad

"There's a lot of cars out here what if there's a wait?"

"I'll lift it" - my Dad

Edit: Grammar

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zapcat16
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
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"I was at Olive Garden and it was weird. They were totally out of forks. All they had were Threeks" imgur.com/Az0TUvb
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinggert
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2013
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My wife said "Go get me olive oil."

I said "I'm not gonna go fight Popeye for her, you go get her."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samusftw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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Olive was a mean reindeer

Tried to tell this one to someone at work, he's 18 I'm 34, and I now realize how lame I am. His reply was, "I get it, I have an uncle." Have I become one of these people?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2016
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Wife: Oh! I spilled olive juice on my dress!

Me: How much?

Wife: I don't know.

Me: Was it olive it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TravellingMatt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2015
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My dad held a sign with a picture of all kinds of olives..

At a black lives matter march when people asked him "what do you think you are doing?"

He replied "I think olives matter!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viglundur
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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I just swallowed an olive pit, but I think Olive

Thought of this one today at dinner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snorkal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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Olive Garden

At dinner before senior prom (not recent) my girlfriend and her friends and I were all talking about how excited were to eat because of how little food we had had earlier that day. I said that I only had two hotdogs, and one of her friends said that she only had some leftovers, to which my girlfriend replied, "Yeah, I only had half my Olive Garden... So like a lot of olives." I lost my shit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chandy_Land
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2015
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So my dad asked me what was on the inside of green olives

Me: I don't know

Dad: They are pimientos. Have you ever seen a pimiento tree?

Me: I don't think I have

Dad: That's because pimientos don't grow on trees

Thanks dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DistortedCarrot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2014
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My husband's first dad joke out at Olive Garden.

We ordered for our food and we asked for extra plates for our two kids. The waitress leaves and comes back with four little plates and sets them down on the table. In the most enthusiastic voice, my husband gives a thumbs up and says "Thanks! These look delicious!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/illdrawyourface
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
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Dad at Olive Garden

Eating dinner with my girlfriend's family, her dad is talking to the waitress. "So what is your name?" "I'm Page." "Oh ok, we'll page you if we need anything. HAHAHAHAHA"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seckzrobot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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My dad told me how olive oil used to be made.

Me: I wonder how they pressed olive in ancient times.

Dad: They probably used Oliphaunts.

I laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SomeWittyRemark
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
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My dad at Olive Garden.

To the waitress, "When I'm here, I feel like family"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rartuin270
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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My girlfriend hates olives.

We are sitting at a bar and I'm eating the olive out of my cocktail. I try to get her to try it but she says, "I've tried too many and they are all gross!"

Response, "So... you have tried olive them?"

I win.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Intrik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2014
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We were at Olive Garden today.

Me to my dad: "I have more patience than you think." My dad: "When did you become a doctor?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squints-Mi-Gints
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2014
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Whenever salad or olives were at the dinner table

Asking for the olives: Olive some of those.

Asking for some salad: Let us have lettuce!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plenoge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2013
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Did you know Santa had another reindeer named "Olive?"

You know how the song goes.

"Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Old_Army90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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