Last time I chnecked neck puns weren't a thing. Neckst time I hear a neck pun I will wrneck you with my bioneckology.
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.
But now I can look back and laugh.
Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?
Because its head is so far from its body.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Last year it certainly wasn't much fun having a broken neck.
But now I can look back and laugh.
I found out recently that it’s very common for Clowns to suffer from bad necks.
I guess it’s because they always sleep funny.
My doctor bit my neck and tried to give me a hickey.
1 star review for Dr. Acula
Please vote here: When a prince ties fabric around his neck, is it a scarf, cravat or an ascot?
Voting has ended. It's a tie.
My guitar neck got nervous
I had a neck brace fitted years ago...
And I've never looked back since
Edit: spelling
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
What do you call a dinosaur with a cramped neck?
Someone wanted to fight about whether I was wearing a neck-tie or a cravat.
I don’t know who was right, either way my ascot kicked.
Where do you find the best neck accessories?
Some guy just threatened to attack me with a neck of a guitar.
I'm sticking my neck out on this one
Have you ever seen someone snap their own neck?
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
Why they put a bell around a cow's neck?
Because its horn doesn't ring.
Someone just told me they were going to smack me with the neck of their guitar.
I said, “is that a fret?”
A sore neck was the inspiration for my wife and I to make up this joke together...
A man was telling his friend that his neck was sore. His friend asked him, “what happened”? The man said that varmints had been tearing up his yard and that he had been spending hours digging through the dirt trying to repair the damage. His friend says, “go for massage and that should take care of the problem”.
A couple of days pass and the two meet up again. The friend asked the man, “how did it go?” The man says, “well, I have to tell you, they are hard to catch, but once you get ahold of them and get started, those gophers sure seem to like their massage”.
Wife said she gets turned on if I blow on her neck during sex.
My wife said she'll divorce me if I keep making puns about birds with long necks.
That's swan way to go about it.
What happened to the lions neck at the Chinese market?
How does an English Sport Player hurt their neck?
Why do cows have bells around their necks?
Because their horns don’t work.
Why do giraffes have such long necks?
Because their head is so far from their body. -my dad, just now.
My Son asked me if I had any regrets over the really expensive neck brace I bought...
Can honestly say I've never looked back
Son: If you make another lame joke I’ll hit you with the neck of my guitar.
This would be a total pane in the neck.
Due to a spinal injury at work, my Dad had to get a neck brace.
At least now he always looks forward to see me.
Why is a giraffe's neck so long?
So it can reach it's head.
Facebook went neck deep on this one
What do you call a male doctor who specializes in necks?
My wife was naggy with me until I tied a towl round her neck like a cape.
They’ll catch him again necks week
(x-post r/jokes) My wife told me that she couldn't turn her neck because it hurts so much, so I told her to look forward to a massage tonight...
...Since she can't look sideways anyways...
nEck-o-leS CaGe (Ask to repost)
My dad just told me, “When I was your age and saw a girl, I first looked at her hair, then her eyes, then her neck...”
Damn dial up connections!
What do you call someone who likes to kiss dead people's necks?
I had a doctor’s appointment today but it didn’t go so well. All he did was suck blood out of my neck. Don’t go to Dr. Acula.
Why did the clown's neck hurt?
Guy walks into a bar with jumper cables on his neck...
Bouncer says "you better not try to start anything."
And the award for the best neck ware goes to....
Huh, would you look at that, it was a tie.
What do you call a red neck who works for ISIS?
My son said he coloured himself with a highlighter pen from the neck upwards during work today.
I think it's a bold-faced lie.
Dracula is a neck romancer.
I told my dad even just WATCHING chokeholds in UFC makes my neck hurt.
He says he has the same problem watching tennis
All the metal things fell off the neck of my guitar.
why would you want to snap someone's neck?
it just seems a bit too twisted of a plan.
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
Two coworkers were having a competition on who wore the better accessory on the neck. Who won?
A busker threatened to hit me with the neck of his guitar the earlier today...
I said, “is that a fret?”
I'm starting a company that makes edible neck warmers
My slogan will be
"You can't resist scarfing these down."
I'd break my neck to prove I'm not masochistic.
My entire body from the neck down was erased while I was trying to build a teleportation device.
Decided to quit while I was a head.
Told my family I was telling jokes in my sleep and woke up with a sore neck.
That's what I get for sleeping funny on it.
I went in for a routine checkup, and they took way too much in the blood draw. I was dizzy, and it was a real pain in the neck...
I'm just not sure about this Dr. Acula.
A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe, the barman asks what he can get them and the man orders a pint for himself and 20 shots for the giraffe, the giraffe necks all 20 shots and falls on the ground, the man goes to leave the bar and the barman says "HEY, you can't leave that lyin there!"
The man says "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"
Why was the lion's neck all wet?
He had a leaky water mane.
What do you call an alligator in a v-neck sweater?
Why do giraffes have such long necks?
Because if they didn't, their heads would just be floating in the air.
Today, I can't decide whether to wear a turtle neck or a henway.
What's a henway? | About two or three pounds.
Why do vampires love to bite necks?
Because they are neck-romancers.
Alternatively:
They are in to neck-rophilia.
I like to tackle all of my neck problems...
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.
But now I can look back and laugh.
i had a neck brace fitted years ago...
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck last year.
But now I can look back and laugh.
Some guy just said he was going to attack me with the neck of a guitar.
Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don’t work!
Why do farmers hang bells around the necks off their cows?
Because the horns doesnt work
I had a neck brace fitted three years ago.
I haven’t looked back since.
It wasn't much fun when I broke my neck last year.
But now I can look back and laugh!
I had a neck brace fitted years ago.
I’ve never looked back since!
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their head is really far away.
It wasn’t fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few years ago.
Now I can look back and laugh.
Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Cause their horns dont work.
This bloke said to me: I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.
A man said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar
It wasn’t much fun having a broken neck...
But now I can look back and laugh.
Why do giraffes have such long necks?
Because their head is so far from their body!
A local guitarist said he was going to beat me with the neck of a guitar.
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