I just realized that my calculator is missing the minus button.
But on the plus side, it still works.
π︎ 278
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
My chair is missing an arm and a leg
And that doesn't sit well with me.
π︎ 72
π
︎ Mar 22 2021
Why was the cookie missing his friend?
Because heβd been a wafer too long.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
What did the hospital say to the man with 100% of his left side missing?
The doctor says βHeβs alrightβ
The nurse follows βThereβs nothing left!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
π︎ 582
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
Where did the magician go to find missing trees?
The harbour, so he could make them a pier.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 18 2021
Did you hear about the missing valise?
It was an open-and-shut-case
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
I saw an old Subaru that was missing a letter B.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
What did the cowboy say about the missing cattle?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
my ex wife keeps missing me
But i hear her aim is getting better
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
What did the farmer say when he found out that his tractor was missing?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
Have you heard of the 9 year old kid that went missing?
Apparently he was last seen applying a cream that made him 10 years younger
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
Took an airline company to court today after my luggage went missing
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
I googled "missing medieval servant"...
And it came back: "page not found"
π︎ 257
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
What do you call a bear that's missing its ear?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
My wife said the βEβ was missing from my sons alphabet set.
I replied, βNo way that is in the top 5 most voweluable letters!β
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
I texted my friend that I was missing them and they replied with a very cold reply
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
My German cake has gone missing
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
My brother who works in a tannery has gone missing. We haven't seen hair nor hide of him.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
What do you call a fish thatβs missing itβs iβs?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
I dont put up with people who are missing appendages
I'm lack-toes intolerant.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
What do you call a missing Terminator actor?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
Recently the number 3 went missing in Mexico.
It disappeared without a tres. At least, that's what cinco seis.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
If all the elves were missing from my son's LOTR Lego set,
Would you call that a Lego-loss?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
Did you hear about the duckling that went missing?
It was abduckted.
Hope this quacked you up.
π︎ 104
π
︎ Aug 13 2020
What Mexican food is always missing a piece?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
The missus has been missing for a week now. The police have told me to prepare for the worst...
So I have been back to the charity shop to get all her clothes back!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
my wife & i have been missing our dog
our dog recently passed & my wife has been crying alot, i tried to cheer her up by finding ourselves an identical dog. she screamed at me, "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH 2 DEAD DOGS?"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
I've got an injured extraterrestrial in my garage. He's missing an eye.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
I had a girlfriend in high school that I dumped when I found out she was missing a toe on her left foot...
I guess that makes me lack-toes intolerant.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
As a globe restorer, I never turn down projects where I have to fill in missing countries or islands. But missing equators?
Thatβs when I draw the line.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
How did the farmer find his missing wife?
π︎ 43
π
︎ Sep 20 2020
Did you hear about the baby coal that went missing?
They sent out an ember alert
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Oct 15 2019
Why did the machine gunner keep missing his targets?
He suffered from turret syndrome.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
Why aren't jazz musicians missing their girlfriends during quarantine?
They're already used to the sex on phone
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...
"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
Nobody knows why Mickey went missing
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
I can't stand people who are missing toes.
I'm lack toes intolerant.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
My neighbor ran over from his farm and was sobbing. βMy sheep are missing!β He cried. βMy sheep are missing! Please help me!β
I said βthat sounds like a ewe problem.β
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
I was in a punk band in the '80s called 'Missing Cat'
You might remember our flyers
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
Did you hear the story of the missing thong underwear?
Itβs a whale of a tale.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Starbucks is missing out on a huge business opportunity by NOT selling masks that you can drink through.
They could call them coughy filters.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
My calculator is missing the minus button....
But on the plus side it still works.
π︎ 231
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
