Meat Eating Puns

But I’m not about to quit cold turkey

Don't worry I cured it.

It tastes like ass

Turns out that makes 1 weak

She vegan to feel guilty about it.

Me: I decided to become vegan.

Her: Yeah?

Me; The day after Thanksgiving I went cold turkey.

Yes vegan.

A Tsar-nivore

Lettuce to the editor.

He wasn’t really inuit

But I thawed it out and decided against it.

It’s spam

I replied, people who sell fruit and vegetables to eat are grocer

Because it roaaaaaaarw!

Uncured

Because it's too chewie.

Because its too Chewy

Down south in the backwoods. Along my way I met a friendly family that took me in for the night. Despite being impoverished they insisted that I stay the night and have dinner.

When we had dinner it seemed they were serving a kind of stew. Quite aromatic. I asked them what it was and the reply I got was “It’s Ma’s Soup Y’all.” I shrugged my shoulders and started to eat. The food was good of course but the meat was quite gamey. So I asked what type of meat it was?

‘Possum.

I told her she better start trying alternatives soon, it's going to be hard to quit eating her current lunch cold turkey.

Nun

My sister-in-law is feeding my 7 month old nephew. My dad says "Do you feed him any meats yet?" She says "We have chicken and rice and chicken and sweet potatoes." Dad replies with "That's all foul meat." Bazzzing

I have never had a beef with them.

It's like I've never seen herbivore.

A few weeks into their journey, they ran out of food. Unable to find plants to eat, and after an entire day of discussion, they decided that if they found meat before plants, the would eat it.

A day later, in the distance, they saw a small tree. As they got closer, they saw that there were strips of perfectly cooked bacon hanging from the bare limbs.

The first vegan grew excited. "Look! It's a bacon tree! Food!" And with that, he took off running toward it.

The other vegan hung back, looking at it suspiciously. "No, wait!" he called. "That's not a bacon tree!"

"Sure it is! It's a bacon tree!" the first vegan yelled over his shoulder. When he reached the tree, he jumped, trying to reach the bacon from the lower branches, but before he could, a pair of wild boar darted out from behind the tree and skewered him on their tusks.

The other vegan shook his head. "I tried to tell you it wasn't a bacon tree. It was just a hambush..."

Me: No, I think most of them smell that way.

I was a bit confused, I'd never met herbivore.

My wife and son are vegetarians, but I eat meat. One day, my son try’s to eat some of the chicken off my plate and my wife says “No sons name That’s a dead bird. We don’t eat dead birds”.

I reply “she’s right Son, it’s a murder most fowl”.

Nice to meat you

(and then he eats you, in the flesh of an eye)

Cold turkey.

I quit cold turkey

I replied: people who sell fruit and veg are grocer

(Borrowed indefinitely without permission from @pakalupapito)

Because it’s too Chewy.

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer

I said, “People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.