Marylanders Puns

Because it's an old bae.

An apple is.

Indie Annapolis

She was on a low-crab diet.

• The groom gave me permission to riddle the best man speech with puns which was great, but im a bit worried Illinois the rest of you.
• Firstly, I’d like to thank you all for coming to celebrate these two here at their Maryland, im sorry wedding.
• Iowa lot to my brother because despite whatever situation or distance, he’s eager to check in and catch up. He’s always been a supportive brother and I’m happy to consider him a great friend.
• Augusta Maine thing is Idaho-ped that he might find someone to bring out the best in him, and that is the bride without a doubt.
• I’m Minnesota the middle of this thing and I want to to wish them all the happiness in the world. You guys always bring a smile and fill the space with joy from Florida ceiling.
• When you look back on your pictures and videos from today in a month, Montana half, I hope you remember all the love you have for each other and carry that with you.
• Utah have a bright future together and I hope you make the most of it. Whether you’re simply relaxing at home Washingtons of premier league games or traveling together (perhaps to any of the locations previously mentioned), I wish you all the love in the world and I’m fortunate to call you both family.
• Alaska you before I finish is that you forgive me for any puns that didn’t land and if I missed, I’ll try not to Michigan. Enjoy the rest of your night, here’s to the bride and groom!

Im told no one was killed.....but many suffered from soft tissue damage.

Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.

Annapolis

As part of a school assignment about the 13 American colonies, my son was supposed to create a travel slogan for one of them. I suggested "Maryland: How Do You Like Them Annapolis?" I thought it was better than he and my wife acted.

Old Bae.

So I'm visiting my dad in Maryland with my fiancé. We're all in the car driving while discussing Altoids.

Dad: "Altoids are delicious!"

Fiancé: "No they're not, they make my stomach hurt. You're wrong."

Dad: "I'm never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was wrong."

Good one, dad.

News: "Larry Hogan was sworn in today as the 62nd Governor of Maryland..."

Mom: "So he was only governor for one minute."

Such pun. Much groan. Wow.

I said "That's easy, you're already a Maryland man's son."

I've moved to London 2 years ago and he is still in Maryland. This was our google chat exchange just now:

Friend: Some days I miss you more than others. Today is one of those days :(

Me: awwwww... i miss you 100% every day

Friend: Is your aim that bad?

We were eating dinner at a local crab restaurant in Maryland when the baby at the table next to us started crying. My 8 year old looked at me and asked "daddy, do you think that baby is crabby?"

Son: Dad! I got a new jersey, and it's actually school colors!

Me: Cool! Maybe you can get a maryland or delaware in school colors too!

Son: ... disgusted sigh

And yes, I cracked up laughing like a madman!

No, but an apple is :)