Owned Puns

A list of puns related to "Owned"

My coffee table used to be owned by Evander Hoyfield ...

I can tell because it's missing a little piece of veneer.

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👤︎ u/KW-DadJoker
📅︎ Apr 18 2021
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Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...

My how the stables have turned.

Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!

👍︎ 17k
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👤︎ u/zthazel
📅︎ Nov 11 2020
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A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck. He finishes his drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

👍︎ 95
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Mar 16 2021
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An old man owned a dolphin and some children asked him why. The old man smiled and said, "When I was younger, my dreams were crushed, so I bought the dolphin because..."

"Buying him gave me a porpoise in life."

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👤︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
📅︎ Mar 30 2021
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For a while I dated a woman who owned a pile of flesh

You know what they say though...

Beauty is only skinned heap

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👤︎ u/incredibleinkpen
📅︎ Mar 23 2021
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What would a bar owned by an English teacher be called?

Tequila Mockingbird.

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👤︎ u/cabagges
📅︎ Mar 09 2021
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I adopted a dog that was owned by a blacksmith.

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

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👤︎ u/Perigeesus
📅︎ Dec 23 2020
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I have never owned or used a telescope in my life.

It’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Oct 14 2020
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The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with very limited memory. Just 1 byte and everything crashed!

👍︎ 21
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👤︎ u/viky_boy
📅︎ Nov 29 2020
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If Tom Cruise owned a liquor store, what would he call it?

Whiskey Business

👍︎ 33
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👤︎ u/Olaffubbuffalo
📅︎ Sep 01 2020
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My friend May owned a cornfield

Everything in it was maze

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👤︎ u/DingusTickler007
📅︎ Sep 28 2020
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A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire

He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.

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👤︎ u/bacononwaffles
📅︎ Nov 14 2020
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I have a pencil that was owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

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👤︎ u/Rav4xle
📅︎ May 26 2020
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Little known fact: Bruce Wayne's parents owned a baseball team.

It's true, before he was the batman, Bruce was the bat boy!

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👤︎ u/breakone9r
📅︎ Aug 13 2020
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Penn’s mom had three sisters who owned a pie shop...

Their menu was titled “The Pie Rates of Penn’s Aunts”.

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👤︎ u/andersonfmly
📅︎ Jul 20 2020
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Did you know robin hood owned a Flower shop?

It was called the Sherwood Florist

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👤︎ u/Vapurware
📅︎ Jul 23 2020
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Had to remove a load of German names and stuff from my pre-owned iPhone..

..It's Hans free now.

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👤︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
📅︎ Aug 11 2020
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I just discovered William Shakespeare owned the first video game console.

A Midsummer Night's Dreamcast

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👤︎ u/desireewhitehall
📅︎ Mar 13 2020
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There was a businessman who owned a hydroelectric power plant, and was slowly going bankrupt.

When he asked for money from his friends and family, they refused,

as it wasn't their dam business

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👤︎ u/23Silicon
📅︎ May 07 2020
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If Apple owned a dance stadium, would it be called the MacArena?
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👤︎ u/zombie-narwhals
📅︎ Apr 17 2019
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When my uncle died, he left me an apartment building he owned, but I was really nervous about taking it.

I got a complex.

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👤︎ u/Jason_Boyd
📅︎ Apr 11 2020
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I bought a pencil that was claimed to be owned by William Shakespeare, but the lettering’s all faded.

I’m not sure whether it’s 2B or not 2B.

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👤︎ u/matthew2112
📅︎ Feb 07 2020
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Once there was a man who owned an orchard. He grew lots of things. Apples, pears, cherries, peaches, oranges and lemons.

The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk. Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen. He was peachless."

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👤︎ u/KatWayward
📅︎ Apr 08 2020
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There’s nothing that’s state owned in The UK

It’s kingdom owned

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👤︎ u/M-Bumtaia
📅︎ Apr 24 2020
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I met a man who owned cheese that had been in his family for eight generations.

It was Heirloumi.

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👤︎ u/AmethystMonkey
📅︎ Nov 25 2019
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I haven't owned a watch in...

I don't know how long.

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👤︎ u/chuckyocouch_
📅︎ Aug 26 2019
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I went to an auction today where they were selling a cheese grater once owned by both Hitler and Osama Bin Laden.

It was the grater of two evils.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Mar 13 2019
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What do you call beachfront property that is owned by a cow?

Prime Veal Es-steak

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👤︎ u/melon_lawd
📅︎ Mar 25 2019
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My friend Izzy wanted to furnish her new apartment, so I took her to furniture store owned by 3 carpenters, all named Paul.

Two of them were still apprentices and learning the trade, but the third was a master at the craft and was also my friend. They were currently busy in the workshop working on a set of great wooden letters which spelled "BEAST". "Is your friend Paul the one working on the misshapen B?" Izzy asked. "Nope, that's not him.", I replied. "So is it the one working on the crooked E?"she responded. "Most certainly not!" I answered. I finally saw him and exclaimed, "On ST is the best Paul, Izzy!"

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👤︎ u/TheLastJoe
📅︎ Sep 24 2018
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Why did the 10th Doctor never feel like he owned the Tardis?

Because he was just a tenant.

👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/Got_walked_in_on
📅︎ Sep 30 2015
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If I owned an aquarium store, I’d call it...

Tanks for all the Fish

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👤︎ u/sum_buddy
📅︎ May 28 2018
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I tried to register slimshady.com, but it turns out that it is owned by the US Government.

They cited Eminem Domain.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Aug 14 2019
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A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He orders a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

Edit: Thanks guys.

👍︎ 11k
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Nov 07 2020
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100 years ago everyone owned a horse but only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

The stables have turned!

👍︎ 16
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👤︎ u/Texgymratdad
📅︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He finishes his drink and asks for the check.

Duck billed Platypus.

👍︎ 105
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He finishes his drink and asks for his check.

Duck billed platypus.

👍︎ 8k
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Oct 10 2019
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A platypus walks into a restaurant owned by a duck.

He finishes his meal and goes up to pay for it.

Duck billed platypus.

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👤︎ u/tobias_drundridge
📅︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He finishes his drink and asks for the check.

Duck billed Platypus.

👍︎ 250
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now he can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/insatiabletenacity
📅︎ Sep 03 2020
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I have never owned a telescope in my life.

But it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Aug 30 2020
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Ive never owned a telescope in my life.

It’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Jul 25 2020
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100 years ago everyone owned horses and only the rich drove cars

These days everyone drives cars and only the rich own horses.

Oh how the stables have turned.

👍︎ 7k
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👤︎ u/Mulletboiiii
📅︎ Jul 24 2018
🚨︎ report
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He has a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed Platypus.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.

Today everyone has cars and only the rich have horses.

oh how the stables have turned.

👍︎ 248
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👤︎ u/me_nameisme
📅︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare.

But he chewed it a lot. Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

👍︎ 105
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👤︎ u/ENJOYblet
📅︎ Jul 27 2019
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I owned a pencil

Which was owned by William Shakespeare

Unfortunately he chewed on it so much that I can't say it's 2B or not 2B

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👤︎ u/Swaggersouls_2001
📅︎ Nov 18 2018
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I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare.

But he chewed it a lot. Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

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👤︎ u/ENJOYblet
📅︎ Nov 24 2018
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Who owned Apple’s worst computer?

Adam and Eve They just had one byte and then everything crashed

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👤︎ u/abc0rum
📅︎ Aug 19 2019
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I've never owned a telescope...

But it is something im looking into

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👤︎ u/adrevenueisgood
📅︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report

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