My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
This is what being American is all about. Second Amendment Lights.
π︎ 104
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
Camomile is a drink for Americans
Camokilometer is the preferred choice in England
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
What do you call an American living in Russia during the winter?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
An American is working out
βThis workout is intense!β He huffs to his friend. βMy heart is pounding!β
βHuh?β Says the friend.
βOh, sorry, I forgot youβre European. My heart is βkilogrammingβ.β He replies.
π︎ 59
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight
There would be mass confusion.
π︎ 89
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
What do you call an american car that crashed into a body of water?
A Fjord fusion!
I'll see my way out
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
When the American president found out that he was sexually attracted to both men and women, what did he say?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
Why was the Native American bartender fired?
He kept charging $24 for a Manhattan
π︎ 34
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
American president
Why is the new President so old?
Hes been Biden his time
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
Did you know that Americans eat more bananas than monkeys every year?
Which makes sense, because I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
π︎ 95
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
How do you let your Native American friend know he's welcome anytime?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Why don't Americans like knock knock jokes?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
Why wonβt Americans switch from pounds to kilos?
It would cause mass confusion
π︎ 55
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
A new car has been launched for American cowboys...
π︎ 24
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns...
'OK,' I said, 'Alpaca my bags.'
π︎ 76
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
We Tried Getting Americans to Start Measuring Weight in Kilograms Instead of Pounds
But they were very cagey about it.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
The American honey industry uses fascinating tech
Itβs all powered by US bees.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
Most people consider the Battle of Gettysburg the turning point of the American Civil War
For the Confederacy, it all went South from there
π︎ 19
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
An American, landing in India: Does anyone here know how to play baseball?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
What do you get when you cross Scandinavian landscapes with an American car company?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
What's the most American way to sit?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
What is the best American state to go sunbathing?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
My German friend Hans got so drunk on American light beer we had to carry him to the truck to go home...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
Why's it hard for Americans to go to Canadian colleges?
Because... you must graduate High School with all Eh's.
π︎ 47
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German man are all watching a street performer
The street performer notices the four men are very far to the back and cannot see, so he stands on a box and continues his performance while asking, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."
π︎ 106
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
American Airlines Magazine Cover: Unsung Heroes - Sandwiches youβve never heard of but need to try
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
What do you call an American bee that loves sea ?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
Americans to Trump: Bi den
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
Most Americans are looking forward to December 2020 because Trump should be gone Biden.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
Did you hear what happened to the Native Americans who drank too much tea?
They drowned in there tipi
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
I just opened up a Native American themed restaurant...
Does anyone in here know any good Sioux-chefs that need a job?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
TIL of Private First Class, Francis Liptonβ an American soldier in the Revolutionary war. Who invented a delicious new beverage while fighting at Valley Forge.
It was the first known casual tea of war.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
Who's Goofy's favorite character from classic American Literature?
π︎ 38
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.
Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
When you go into the bathroom you're American. When you leave the bathroom you're American. What are you when you're in the bathroom?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight
There would be mass confusion
π︎ 234
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
My wife wants a divorce for being too un American
I saw that coming a kilometer away
π︎ 19
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
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