My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
An American is working out
βThis workout is intense!β He huffs to his friend. βMy heart is pounding!β
βHuh?β Says the friend.
βOh, sorry, I forgot youβre European. My heart is βkilogrammingβ.β He replies.
π︎ 61
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight
There would be mass confusion.
π︎ 90
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
Why was the Native American bartender fired?
He kept charging $24 for a Manhattan
π︎ 34
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
Did you know that Americans eat more bananas than monkeys every year?
Which makes sense, because I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
π︎ 94
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
Why wonβt Americans switch from pounds to kilos?
It would cause mass confusion
π︎ 54
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
Most people consider the Battle of Gettysburg the turning point of the American Civil War
For the Confederacy, it all went South from there
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
We Tried Getting Americans to Start Measuring Weight in Kilograms Instead of Pounds
But they were very cagey about it.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns...
'OK,' I said, 'Alpaca my bags.'
π︎ 74
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
An American, landing in India: Does anyone here know how to play baseball?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
What do you get when you cross Scandinavian landscapes with an American car company?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
My German friend Hans got so drunk on American light beer we had to carry him to the truck to go home...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
What is the best American state to go sunbathing?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
What do you call an American bee that loves sea ?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
Why's it hard for Americans to go to Canadian colleges?
Because... you must graduate High School with all Eh's.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
American Airlines Magazine Cover: Unsung Heroes - Sandwiches youβve never heard of but need to try
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
Did you hear what happened to the Native Americans who drank too much tea?
They drowned in there tipi
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German man are all watching a street performer
The street performer notices the four men are very far to the back and cannot see, so he stands on a box and continues his performance while asking, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."
π︎ 103
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
Americans to Trump: Bi den
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
Who's Goofy's favorite character from classic American Literature?
π︎ 37
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
I just opened up a Native American themed restaurant...
Does anyone in here know any good Sioux-chefs that need a job?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
Most Americans are looking forward to December 2020 because Trump should be gone Biden.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
TIL of Private First Class, Francis Liptonβ an American soldier in the Revolutionary war. Who invented a delicious new beverage while fighting at Valley Forge.
It was the first known casual tea of war.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.
Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
When you go into the bathroom you're American. When you leave the bathroom you're American. What are you when you're in the bathroom?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
I found a cool rock in my father-in-law's yard. FIL- Oh that's a native American fertility stone. Me- Really! How can you tell? FIL- ....
π︎ 47
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
Where do South American frogs live?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
Whatβs the difference between American dogs and British dogs?
American dogs pants while British dogs trousers
π︎ 57
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
Dad: Son, did you know that if you, as an American, go into a bathroom in France you are no longer an American? Son: No, I didnβt. What would I be?
Dad: Youβre a peeinβ.
π︎ 61
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
A Native American man drank 500 cups of tea in one sitting
Nearly drowned in his own teepee
π︎ 18
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
I had a hard time learning about the American Revolution.
It made my head go round and round.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
This book on Native American cooking.
π︎ 49
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
Americans love frozen fruit so much, they wrote it into the constitution...
The 1st amendment is the right to freeze peach.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
Found a book on american history and no mention of Native Americans
This is apache version of history I thought
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
Americans: I broke my foot
The rest of the world: I broke my metre
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
An American, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, a Burmese, a Chinese, a Canadian, a Dutchman, a Dane, an Englishman, an Estonian, a German, a Japanese, a Korean, a Mexican, a Nepalese, a Pole, a Russian, and a Welshman all walk into a posh bar. The doorman says sorry, we have standards.
You canβt come in without a Thai.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight
There would be mass confusion
π︎ 233
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
Did you hear what happened to the Americans when they changed to Kilograms from Pounds?
There was a mass confusion.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
My wife wants a divorce for being too un American
I saw that coming a kilometer away
π︎ 19
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom?
π︎ 34
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms over night
There would be MASS confusion
π︎ 16
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
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