He has the ancient markings!!
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EvilMurloc22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Whatsapp has changed its feature previously known as β€˜marked as read’

To Mark has read

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ssigea
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I ran into my friend Mark who stole my dictionary.

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant

He's calling it Wok of Life

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/canyonstom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks β€œWhat are you counting?”

And the guy says β€œhow many tattoos I have now”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deepsea333
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Son why have you got absolutely no marks in your exams?

You told me to stand out from the rest.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoderBoi_69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
"You just mark my words"

I said to the English teacher.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If Mark has been accused of plagiarizing my content; Mark!? My words.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HowToFailAndWhy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter was practicing her flute today, she said at bar 45 she needs to add in a breath mark.

I teared up, after all these years she still doesn't know my name is David.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CamilleViolist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
He has a one track mind. Mark Twain is his father.

His name is.....

Choo choo Twain!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RamSamG
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
That’s gonna leave a mark...
πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyledreeling10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Oh hi Mark

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/inviktusmaneo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Just a hare off the mark
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cREDBARON
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can pirates never finish the alphabet?

Because they always get lost at C.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/potato_soul1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandpa used to have a job keeping score at baseball games. Every time someone scored a run, he'd whack up a mark on a chalkboard.

Nowadays you'd call him a scorekeeper, but back then he was a tally whacker.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redditwhilestoned
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Where did the question mark go

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I know a lady who means well, but is very annoying telling people how to mark their trails...

She’s a caring cairn Karen.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatinumCalf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Lisa will forever be remembered after she divorced Mark

She has left a Mark.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Oh hi mark
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youlikejazz22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Today my daughter asked "Can I have a book mark?"

I couldn't help but cry... She is 14 and still doesn't know my name is John.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fear of giants?
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowman2099
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I've been swapping labels around on my wife's spice jars.

She may not know anything about it yet, but mark my words--the thyme is cumin.

πŸ‘︎ 373
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Mark Zuckerburg failed his Turing Test today.

He doesn't know how to feel about it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MuzzOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
"Mark my wordsβ€”" said the pen...

... but the scissors cut him off.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do pirates put the French accent mark cedilla?

Under the sea.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dz_moneyman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the exclamation point say to the question mark?

Nice curves!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hannookie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
If Mark Wahlberg married into the old French aristocracy...

He’d be Marquis Mark.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I went over to a station where people could gather and entertain themselves with games. On the entrance was marked β€œ5”

I went to play station 5

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Angoram
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s this coin wrapper that can roll any coin: pennies, nickels, dimes etc. Just roll it up to a marked spot and voila, a perfect roll.

My favorite wrapper is the fifty cent piece

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my son typed "Can I have a book mark?"

I burst into tears. "Billy, please stop reposting the same joke for karma, everyone will hate you."

"Then give me the damn bookmark."

I gave him the bookmark.

He finally won.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperJewsauce
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?

Knee on yellow.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I was the top student in my class until my teacher gave me very low marks.

She degraded me.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaroZoroark
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the apocalyptic punctuation mark?

It’s a catostrophe.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiseasedCupcake
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My college friend got accepted to a social group by having to float out in the bay to mark a channel for their boats....

He was a frat buoy.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant

He's calling it Wok of Life

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/canyonstom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Whatsapp has changed it’s feature previously known as β€˜marked as read’

To Mark has read

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ssigea
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I confronted my friend Mark because he refuses to return my dictionary.

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 355
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears...

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/csgo_Kriptonas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My son Tiberius just came up to me and said "can I have a book Mark?"

....and I burst into tears 🀣. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Memphis.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/socdist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I was really mad at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary.

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my son asked "can I have a book mark" and I burst in tears

19 years old and he still does not know my name is Luke

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epicgamerluke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
πŸ‘︎ 43k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ebkbk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Today my son asked β€œCan I have a book mark?” And I burst into tears. 15 years and he still doesn’t know my names Brian.

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my son asked "can i have a book mark?" I burst into tears.

He is 11 years old and still doesn't know my name is Brian

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whymustudodat
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.