What do you call a bee that cannot make up its mind?

A maybe....

Courtesy of my 5 y/o daughter.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aaronmsilverman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
How dare they make someone else clean that up
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Never trust an atom, they make up everything...

But I know I can trust molecules, we have chemistry.

Palpatine voice Ionic...

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My cat got sick, so I had to give it some pills. To make my life easier, I wrapped it up in ham.

When it couldn’t run away I could jam the pills in no problem.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sireldo
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
When the sewer clogs up, it makes miasma worse.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
In a world where people with superpowers make up 1% of the world population, people with two make up 1% of that 1%. These people born with two superhuman abilities are called squares.

Squares are raised to a second power.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru9224
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I've been depreased recently, so my wife said she was going to make a selection of Middle Eastern food to help cheer me up.

Instead she just made me falafel.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wils_152
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
While shopping my wife stopped in the make-up section to buy concealer but couldn’t find any.

I now understand why she said it’s the best product on the market.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cigarandcreamsoda
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine makes good money selling camel’s milk, but he has to put up with surly camels all day.

It’s a drama dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WCBrann
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.

That way you start 2021 on the right foot.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaddyRecon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 219
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish my family wouldn't make such a big deal over not picking up dropped ice cubes.

It's just water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snowdoggo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I posted this on r/memes a while ago and it didn't blow up or somthing. I am just so proud of this it makes me laugh every time
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/or2072
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
If there’s one thing that always makes me throw up...

It’s a dart board on the ceiling

πŸ‘︎ 279
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jweber96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't make this up but I wish I knew who did.

It was a gloomy day for a funeral. The widow weeped quietly in the front row. A distinguished gentleman approached her and said "Ma'am, I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you mind if I said a word?" "Please do", she replied. He stands, straightens his tie, and says "Plethora." Then he sits down. "Thank you," she said.

"That means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eap42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What shoe can’t make up its mind?

Flip flops.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AbortedMunk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My 8 yo made this up after seeing a doctor: What makes your mouth sad?

A tongue depressor.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Marblz88
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I’d first like to make sure this thing is working. If your name is Michael, please stand up.

That concludes the mike check

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SZT2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My 3yo is in a phase where he makes up words a lot, and today I heard him singing "Crotch-ohs, crotch-ohs" over and over. I told my wife, "That sounds like the worst breakfast cereal ever..."

"But at least it's made with whole groins."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I just realized they can't ever make a movie about a male scandanavian Transformer who works as a stand-up comedian.

They'd be guilty of vehicle Lars mans laughter.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tayrog77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I woke up yesterday to find that my wife had invited a bunch of journalists from Paris to help make breakfast..

I didn't mind. I love coffee from the French Press.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/calarkin27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I made up a joke about the sound a tap makes when you turn it on full blast, but no one got it.

Whoosh.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frond_Dishlock
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.

Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Infuuri
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was gonna make up a joke about Linkin Park

But in the end it doesn’t even matter.... πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The mineral that makes up tooth enamel is called Apatite
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dejavont
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What two letters make up a sugary sweet?

c and y

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...

Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend walked up quietly and said, "hi Thomas." Then I heard a whiny voice say "hiii Thommasss." "Did you just make fun of yourself saying hi?" I asked my friend.

"Oh no," he replied. "That's my shoes... I'm wearing mockasins."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
There is one thing guaranteed to make me throw up.

A dartboard on the ceiling.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pho_de_bimos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Growing up I went to an all-Muslim school. The teacher asked me to make sure that my classmates weren't sneaking bacon at lunch.

I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unklethan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do atoms make up?
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FATHEADBOSS69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Did i make this up?
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/16fghji
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My 7-year old niece made this up: What does Santa say when someone makes a bad decision?

That's a ho-ho-horrible idea!

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcrabb23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.

Boy, was my face red!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently misplaced some of my game pieces for Yahtzee, and honestly it’s been hell, so I decided to make some posters to put up around the apartment complex:

Pair of dice, LOST.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/okaypuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Never trust an atom, they make up everything!
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 430
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 426
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee who can’t make up his mind?

A maybe.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If there's one thing that makes me throw up...

it's a dart board on a ceiling.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?

A maybe

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Solilupus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Every morning after I get up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of shit to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If there’s one thing that makes me throw up.

It’s a dart board on a ceiling.

(original: r/jokes)

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plane_Garbage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.