What do you call a bee that cannot make up its mind?
A maybe....
Courtesy of my 5 y/o daughter.
How dare they make someone else clean that up
Never trust an atom, they make up everything...
But I know I can trust molecules, we have chemistry.
Palpatine voice Ionic...
My cat got sick, so I had to give it some pills. To make my life easier, I wrapped it up in ham.
When it couldn’t run away I could jam the pills in no problem.
When the sewer clogs up, it makes miasma worse.
In a world where people with superpowers make up 1% of the world population, people with two make up 1% of that 1%. These people born with two superhuman abilities are called squares.
Squares are raised to a second power.
I've been depreased recently, so my wife said she was going to make a selection of Middle Eastern food to help cheer me up.
Instead she just made me falafel.
While shopping my wife stopped in the make-up section to buy concealer but couldn’t find any.
I now understand why she said it’s the best product on the market.
A friend of mine makes good money selling camel’s milk, but he has to put up with surly camels all day.
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.
That way you start 2021 on the right foot.
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
I wish my family wouldn't make such a big deal over not picking up dropped ice cubes.
It's just water under the fridge.
I posted this on r/memes a while ago and it didn't blow up or somthing. I am just so proud of this it makes me laugh every time
If there’s one thing that always makes me throw up...
It’s a dart board on the ceiling
I didn't make this up but I wish I knew who did.
It was a gloomy day for a funeral. The widow weeped quietly in the front row. A distinguished gentleman approached her and said "Ma'am, I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you mind if I said a word?" "Please do", she replied. He stands, straightens his tie, and says "Plethora." Then he sits down. "Thank you," she said.
"That means a lot."
What shoe can’t make up its mind?
My 8 yo made this up after seeing a doctor: What makes your mouth sad?
I’d first like to make sure this thing is working. If your name is Michael, please stand up.
That concludes the mike check
My 3yo is in a phase where he makes up words a lot, and today I heard him singing "Crotch-ohs, crotch-ohs" over and over. I told my wife, "That sounds like the worst breakfast cereal ever..."
"But at least it's made with whole groins."
I just realized they can't ever make a movie about a male scandanavian Transformer who works as a stand-up comedian.
They'd be guilty of vehicle Lars mans laughter.
I woke up yesterday to find that my wife had invited a bunch of journalists from Paris to help make breakfast..
I didn't mind. I love coffee from the French Press.
I made up a joke about the sound a tap makes when you turn it on full blast, but no one got it.
Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.
Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.
I was gonna make up a joke about Linkin Park
But in the end it doesn’t even matter....
🤦🏻♂️
The mineral that makes up tooth enamel is called Apatite
What two letters make up a sugary sweet?
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
My friend walked up quietly and said, "hi Thomas." Then I heard a whiny voice say "hiii Thommasss." "Did you just make fun of yourself saying hi?" I asked my friend.
"Oh no," he replied. "That's my shoes... I'm wearing mockasins."
There is one thing guaranteed to make me throw up.
A dartboard on the ceiling.
Growing up I went to an all-Muslim school. The teacher asked me to make sure that my classmates weren't sneaking bacon at lunch.
I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"
My 7-year old niece made this up: What does Santa say when someone makes a bad decision?
That's a ho-ho-horrible idea!
While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.
I recently misplaced some of my game pieces for Yahtzee, and honestly it’s been hell, so I decided to make some posters to put up around the apartment complex:
Never trust an atom, they make up everything!
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
What do you call a bee who can’t make up his mind?
If there's one thing that makes me throw up...
it's a dart board on a ceiling.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
Every morning after I get up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of shit to IKEA.
If there’s one thing that makes me throw up.
It’s a dart board on a ceiling.
(original: r/jokes)
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