Main Office Puns

He walks up to the teller. Her nametag says "Patricia Wak". He says, "Hey there, Patty, I'd like a loan." She replies, "Okay, for how much?"

"Ten dollars."

"I'm sorry, but I can't authorize that."

"Really? Well, what if I give you this?"

He hands her a clam with a top hat and googly eyes.

"Um... What is this?"

"Alright, alright. What if I told you my dad was Mick Jagger?"

"I can't give you a 10 dollar loan, it's simply against policy."

"Alright, I'll tell you what. Go talk to your manager, and bring the clam with you. He'll let you give me a loan."

Patricia walks into the back office and tells the manager the story. He immediately says "Alright, give him the loan."

"I'm sorry, but why this time?"

"Well (picking up the clam), it's mainly because of this, and also because of his dad."

"What is it exactly?"

"It's a knick knack, Patty Wak, give the frog a loan! His old man's a rolling stone!"

My dad's favourite.

I'm a dad and I like telling it, so I guess that's qualification enough. I heard this joke about 26 years ago, and I still laugh at it. Slightly long, so don't hate me.

A guy that lives alone decided that he wanted to get a pet. He went to a pet store in his city to see what was available. The man tells the associate at the store that he wants a pet, but he doesn't want an "ordinary" pet like a cat or dog, he wants something unique. The associate asks the man if he by chance has a swimming pool at his house, and the man replies that he indeed does have a pool. The associate says, "Great! I've got just the pet for you. Actually it is two pets -- two beautiful porpoises. And these aren't ordinary porpoises, either. They will never die, but there is one small catch. To keep them alive, once a year at noon on July 1, you have to feed each one of them an immature sea gull, before the birds have learned to fly." The associate tells the man that he shouldn't worry about the annual feeding, though, because the associate will always make sure he has two birds available for the man every year on July 1.

The man buys the pets, fills his swimming pool with salt water, and really enjoys the companionship of the porpoises throughout the year. On June 30, the man calls the pet store to make sure the two birds are available, and sure enough they are. The next day, he goes to the pet store at 10 a.m. to purchase the birds, and while he is inside the store he hears a lot of commotion coming from just outside the store. He goes to the front of the store to see what's going on outside, and he finds that there is a huge, ferocious lion trying to get into the store through the front door. Luckily, the door swings outward from the store, so the lion can't get it open. The police call the store associate to tell him what has happened. The main attraction (the lion) from the state zoo just up the road from the store had escaped, and the lion could sense all the small animals that were inside the pet store, so he was trying to get into the store to eat them. The police are waiting for the zoo's lion tamer to show up and get the animal back into captivity.

Meanwhile, the man who was at the store to buy the birds to feed to his pets was getting really anxious. He was trapped inside the store, there was no other exit, and the time was quickly approaching noon. The associate reminded the man that he absolutely had to feed his pets at precisely noon, otherwise th

A couple is walking in East Berlin on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation. "I think it's raining," says the man. "No, it's snowing," replies the woman. "How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the main. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing? "Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off. The man turns to his wife with a smile. "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

I was in the waiting room of a small hospital this morning, with about 4-5 other people. The waiting room is in a temporary location while the main waiting room is being renovated, and the ladies behind the desk couldn't see if someone came in and took a number. I had number 10, and after waiting about 5-10 minutes and not being called, I went to the desk and she helped me. She then asked me what number I had taken, and I told her 10. She yells out "Are there any numbers below 10?!" And just at that moment, one of the male nurses came around the corner, into her office and said "Yeah, there's 9, 8, a whole bunch of them actually!" All of us in the waiting room let out a collective groan and secretly hoped we would have him as our triage nurse.

So, workers at our office occasionally have their packages shipped to our work place. I think it's so that they have someone to sign off on them, or for security reasons. Either way, there were a couple IKEA packages dropped off today, and one of the admins wrote:

"We received 2 large IKEA boxes today. They do not have name on them. They are in the main hall near the front entry. Please pick up at your convenience. Please let me know who they belong to."

to which I replied all (bold, I know):

"Well I have no... IKEA."

(i'm only 24, going on 25. with no plan of kids for years, but i hope i did you guys proud)