They're seasoned veterans
Yep. I found a for-Leif clover!
It's basically love at first site.
Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...
Arthrites.
Lukewarm
because you know their days are numbered.
She had Acapulco-lips.
Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
he was lucky it was a soft drink
Lucky for him, it was a light sentence.
...would be preposterous
1: I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea. 2: Can February March? No, but April May. 3: I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 4: Never trust an atom, they make up everything! 5: I made a pun about the wind but it blows. 6: I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off! 7: What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabee! 8: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink! 9: I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii
Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.
Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary. Six is afraid of Seven because he is a damn psychopath.
I mean, first I win the lottery and now this
When we were Christmas shopping for our kids, we went to target. After walking around for a while I got bored and eventually found a bouncy ball. It was a small inflatable basketball about tennis ball sized and being inflated instead of solid rubber, it made a louder noise when it hit the ground.
We were walking around and I was bouncing the ball. My wife got visibly irritated at the constant noise following her around and told me to please put it down. I bounced it again and said "I'm trying, but every time I do, it comes back up into my hand"
Que the groan.
Lucky Charms.
Happy St Patrick's Day everyone!
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
Their days are numbered.
When the garlic started taking off her cloves.
... when he noticed that every shoot growing put of the ground was a four leaf shamrock. There were millions of them, spread out along both banks.
Being superstitious, the man assumed the place must be somehow imbued with an extraordinary amount of luck.
He sought out the owner of the land, and promptly bought it, spending everything he had to do so.
His plan was to build a small house at the site and thereby ensure he would be surrounded by good fortune for the rest of his life.
Sadly, while lifting smooth river stones to create the foundation of his dream home, he slipped on some mud, hit his head on a stone, was knocked unconscious, tumbled into the water, and drowned.
This conclusively proved to the townsfolk, that the location was not lucky at all.
The moral of this story?
Don't judge a brook by it's clover.
Everything there is Organic.
I told her if I'm attractive then she's a moLUCKular lady.
Daughter: I kid, you not
They stole all my lamps.
It's a Corolla of the dice.
Me: one you get lucky and the other you don't.
She was mad enough to leave the room...
The dude thought it was funny to copy my every move, he’s lucky there was a pane of glass between us.
His brother, “Hose B,” not so much.
I guess I wasn't much of a police detective.
I sniffled. My sock was on it's last leg.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
They've got a fuelfilling job!
I guess you could say that I'm a seasoned vet...
I bought 20 bees at the pet store but they put an extra one in the bag... They said keep it, it's a freebie
Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.
Lucky bastard.
*This joke brought to you by the year 2020.
