I changed the computer background to a lizard.
What do you call a lizard that farms whale food?
At my school, there's a large lizard that wanders the halls all day.
Do you think lizard people...
are on Santa's Illuminati list?
What do you call when you come across a lizard and a parrot?
Wife: Oh my god why have you got that huge lizard?
Husband: You said we needed a baby monitor!!
Where do lizards go to fix their fallen tails?
What do you get when two lizards can’t mate?
I got a new pet lizard, I named him Tiny....
Why couldn't a lizard have sex?
He had a reptile disfunction.
What does a lizard smoke?
Where does a lizard go when it loses its tail ?
What do you call a rap battle between two lizards? A reptile diss function
Give some love to monitor lizards plz
There are 4 lizards chilling in the ceiling, one of them did a back flip. How many are left in the ceiling?
None, as the rest clapped and cheered.
What did the zookeeper say when they discovered how bad the lizards smelled?
What do you call a respectable color changing lizard?
What do you call it when your lizard stops working?
How do you turn a snake into a legless lizard?
Give it an antihisstamine
My wife took a vacation day to carry her pet lizard around town in her handbag...
It's a purse anole day for her.
Credit: Brevity by Dan Thompson for May 02, 2020
You know those birds and lizards that eat the decaying corpses of other animals?
Sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
What do you get when you give five doses of valium to a lizard?
A calmer calmer calmer calmer calmer chameleon.
What do you call a lizard that can't get an erection
How do Lizards judge an egg?
I heard Congress was overrun with tiny lizards last week.
Turned out it was Fake Newts.
Which prehistoric lizard was the ugliest?
What do you call a lizard on drugs?
Why did the lizard cross the road?
I saw a lizard with angry red skin. It then turned orange! Then it turned yellow. Then green. Then blue. Then indigo, until it finally became a relaxing shade of violet.
Calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon.
I had to get my pet lizard some Valium as he's been a bit stressed out lately.
Now he's a calmer calmer calmer calmer calmer chameleon.
One time I noticed a lizard stealing a meal from a very hungry frog
And I thought to myself, "What a cold blooded thing to do!"
My kids are so obsessed with the lizard from the movie Tangled, we have over a thousand figures of it around the house...
Let me tell you keeping track of a kilo of Pascals is a lot of pressure
I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling some really excellent jokes. I turned to the local tribesman and said "that lizard is really funny!" The tribesman replied "that's not a lizard... he's a stand up chameleon"
What do you call a handicapped lizard?
What do you call a dead lizard?
I had a guy try to tell me stuff to lubricate my pet lizard
Turns out it was just snake oil
What do you call a lizard with headphones?
Anything, it can’t hear you.
What do you call lizard that throws trash on the ground?
What do you call a lizard that repeats itself?
What device do you weigh lizards with?
My friends son asked me if I know how to speak lizard
I told him “I don’t. But i guana learn someday”
What do you call it when a lizard commits murder?
Why did the broken lizard take viagra?
He had reptile dysfunction.
What do you call a lizard with a million dollars?
Where do lizards go when their tails come off?
Where does a lizard go when it loses its tail?
What do you call a stoned lizard?
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