After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.
As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.
A person who crushes can for a living is always sad
Because his job is Soda pressing
If you place all currently living people on the equator around the Earth,
at equal distance from each other,
...
most of them would get wet and some will surely drown
My kid dreams of one day living in the attic.
So my girlfriend her dad asked me what i do for living...
I told him i breath in and out.
Its been hard living with a Tampa Bay Rays fan
Did you know there’s a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?
I found some insects living in my apartment, but they offered me cash if I let them stay.
A couple is sitting in the living room drinking beer
Out of the blue the husband says, “ I love you”
“ Is that you or the beer talking” asks the wife
“It’s me” says the husband “talking to the Beer”
The cannibal living next to me caught and killed a clairvoyant...
He only put her in the oven for only half an hour though.
Apparently he likes his medium rare.
What do Quantum physicists do for a living?
Work on little things, here and there.
It is really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
I didn't put my watch back this weekend, so I'm living in the future.
If there's anything you want to know, about what's going to happen, just ask me.
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is he’s out there making a living as a comedian
You gotta give him props for that
I used to sell skewers for a living
things were always sharp and to the point
My brother and I make Dracula action figures for a living, and we are on a really tight deadline.
I have to make every second Count.
What kind of house do ninja turtles live in when they go on vacation from living in the sewers and fighting crime?
I hate living inside a small fungus...
A chef is in his living room, and someone knocks on his front door...
...he yells, "the door's open! Cumin in!"
What do you call a Bee living in America
Did you hear about the Punjabi polymath who makes flatbread for a living?
He's a jack of all trades, master of naan.
If you're American in the living room, then what are you in the bathroom?
Did you hear about the introvert who was so happy living in Antarctica?
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
What do you call someone who raises chickens for a living?
Trying not to mention the favourite part of my living room here
I think I've done well sofa
Whats the most important thing to be when living in Asgard with a corrupt police force?
Jails are living things
Because they’re made of cells
I used to be in a relationship with a person who made edible stickers for a living.
We had to part ways though, they were getting too clingy for my tastes.
Whats the best part about living in Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus
What is the name of the polar bear therapist living at the north pole?
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk”
Why can't a man living in New York be buried in Chicago ?
I know a religious woman living in a monastery who studies the encyclopedia...
While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing.
My friend is a medical professional who does circumcisions for a living.
He doesn't get paid much, but at least he gets to keep all the tips.
What's the best part about living in Switzerland?
Well, there are a lot of good reasons, but the flag is a big plus.
For all you folks living with diabetes... (My daughter and I both have type 1.) Here’s the joke — What do you say when the waitress at the Mexican restaurant asks you if you want sauce with your carne asada?
My friend believes that a horse is living inside of him.
He's been hospitalized, his condition is listed as stable.
My son walked into the living room only to find me looking around all misty eyed. Reluctantly, he asked, "What's up pop?" I blubbered, "My boy, I really love our furniture..."
"Me and my recliner go way back."
I love living next to a cemetery
It’s hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
What's the best part about living in Switzerland?
Well, the flag's a big plus
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