I was living on a house boat and fell in love with the Girl Next Door.
But Sadly, we drifted apart.
ποΈ 1k
π
οΈ Sep 16 2021
I asked my friend what it is like living in North Korea
He said, βcanβt complain.β
ποΈ 255
π
οΈ Sep 25 2021
I know a guy that pretends to take pictures for a living
ποΈ 28
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οΈ Sep 26 2021
Me and my buddy visited his father yesterday. He was painting his living room, my friend asks "wow dad, how many coats do you have on"
His dad looked himself up and down and sternly and confidently replied
"I'm wearing a shirt, son."
True story, my soul left my body.
ποΈ 66
π
οΈ Sep 05 2021
My girlfriend says she can spend her entire life living either with roses around her...
ποΈ 21
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οΈ Sep 11 2021
Iβve always wondered what Mosesβs parents did for a living.
Whatever it was, they made a prophet.
ποΈ 39
π
οΈ Aug 29 2021
What do you call a group of swamp monsters living in a big city?
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Sep 19 2021
I met a taxidermist who wasn't very talkative. I asked him what he did for a living.
ποΈ 45
π
οΈ Sep 01 2021
I asked a taxidermist what he does for a living.
He said, βOh, you know... stuff.β
ποΈ 170
π
οΈ Jul 07 2021
There was once a horse living on a farm....
And he was a very talented guitarist, so good in fact that one day his friend the chicken turned to him and asked would he like to be in a band with him. The horse of course agreed he and the chicken who played the drums went looking for a singer and a bassist. They decided to approach the Sheep who was the best singer on the farm, the Sheep agreed and told them about how the Pig was a pretty good bass player so they all asked him to join the band and he agreed.
So The Barnyard Animals got to work practicing and rehearsing their little hearts out. They started playing open mic nights and gained some traction. After a few years they managed to get signed by a major record label and The Barnyard Animals became an international phenomenon. They toured in every country for the better part of a decade until they finally decided retire. The Horse decided to settle down in English countryside, the Chicken went to Australia, the Pig went to Japan and the Sheep went to New Zealand.
A few years later Gary Barlow contacts the Horse about getting The Barnyard Animals back together for a big charity Live Aid type concert in Wembley. The Horse contacts his band mates and they all agree. So the Pig, the Sheep and the Chicken all fly out to Singapore and get the same connection to London. But in a terrible turn of events the plane crashes and all The Barnyard Animals apart from the horse die in a fiery inferno.
The horse upon finding out that his oldest friends have all died goes into a deep depression. He locks himself in his house and tries to drink his pain away. A few weeks later when every bottle of anything that could be drank had been drunk. He puts on his hat and sunglasses so no one would be able to recognise him and heads to the closest pub. So the Horse walks into a bar and the barman says "Hey, why the long face?"
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Aug 22 2021
What do you call a bee living in America?
ποΈ 16
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οΈ Aug 14 2021
What's the best part about living in Switzerland?
I'm not sure, but I've heard the flag is a huge plus.
ποΈ 35
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οΈ Jul 20 2021
Whatβs the advantage to living in Switzerland?
Well, the flag is a big plus.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Aug 16 2021
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling βI stepped on a Bee!β
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
ποΈ 11k
π
οΈ Mar 07 2021
My moms boyfriend constructs stairways for a living
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Aug 24 2021
Living life on the edge
ποΈ 13
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οΈ Jul 13 2021
My father climbed telephone poles for a living and was a well known part of the community
A lot of people looked up to him
ποΈ 17
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οΈ Jul 12 2021
βSo whatβs it like living in the mountains?β
Itβs got itβs ups and downs
ποΈ 300
π
οΈ Apr 15 2021
Due to water leakage, my bathroom collapsed through the floor into my living room.
I do not want to let that sink in.
ποΈ 9
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οΈ Jul 28 2021
Living with my friend Cole can be tough sometimes.
He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.
It's just Cole's law.
(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)
ποΈ 157
π
οΈ Mar 25 2021
What do you call it when a 40 y/o woman wants to stop delivering babies for a living?
ποΈ 29
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οΈ Jun 07 2021
If you sell pee for a living...
ποΈ 58
π
οΈ May 23 2021
Tom used to fix household appliances for a living, and then he studied hard to become a psychiatrist.
He was a repairman, now he repairs men
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Jun 23 2021
I thought I could make a decent living taking photos of the jousting spears that the Renaissance Fair was handing out
Turns out being a free lance photographer isnβt all itβs cracked up to be.
ποΈ 13
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οΈ Jun 04 2021
I'm a 40 year old woman who delivers babies for a living and I just bought a brand new Corvette...
Everyone thinks I'm have a Midwife crisis.
ποΈ 31
π
οΈ May 20 2021
Why did the crab like living alone?
ποΈ 4
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οΈ May 20 2021
The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise.
I shouted 'Stop!' but if anything that made it worse. (Credit - Gary Delaney)
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Jun 06 2021
A fraudster who installs kitchen worktops for a living got arrested
Police say he was charged with counter fitting
ποΈ 15
π
οΈ Apr 21 2021
Came to the living room and found the TV screen was white.
"Who's watching Peace TV?"
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ May 31 2021
My new neighbour asked what I did for a living, and I told her that I'm an existentialist philosopher...
Her: "So what does that mean, you just sit around thinking about being all day?"
Me: "No, some days I also think about nothing."
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ May 11 2021
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
ποΈ 14k
π
οΈ Aug 02 2020
Itβs really hard for me to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells on the sea shore.
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Apr 26 2021
Mrs. Dracula, from the living room: "Count Dracula!"
Count Dracula, from the basement:"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6..."
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Apr 07 2021
My buddy said he's been living on tins of baked beans all month.
That can't be good for his back.
ποΈ 11
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οΈ May 06 2021
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.
At least for the four-seeable future.
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Mar 10 2021
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Apr 23 2021
Once I finally finished installing the thin wood flooring in my large living room, I thought to myself...
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ May 06 2021
What do you call a polar bear living in Florida?
A solar bear
Bonus: what do you call a bear that practices dentistry?
A molar bear
ποΈ 68
π
οΈ Jan 19 2021
Living my best loaf
ποΈ 36
π
οΈ Jan 19 2021
Covid can cause another condition, however, this condition won't come up in people living in sweden.
It's called Stuckhome syndrome
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ May 01 2021
Why was the farmer given an award for acting as a living scarecrow?
Because he was simply outstanding in his field.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Apr 14 2021
Why do they call the Engineer living at 4th Lane "Robert"?
Because his name was "Robert"
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Apr 16 2021
I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Dec 24 2020
What's the best part of living in Switzerland?
Idk but the flag is a big plus.
ποΈ 18
π
οΈ Jul 23 2021
I asked my Chinese friend what it was like living in China.
He said he can't complain.
ποΈ 56
π
οΈ May 29 2021
Whatβs so great about living in Switzerland?
Well, their flag is a big plus
ποΈ 29
π
οΈ Jun 16 2021
The best thing about living in switzerland?
Well, the flag's a big plus!
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Jun 19 2021
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