I was living on a house boat and fell in love with the Girl Next Door.

But Sadly, we drifted apart.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bak_286
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2021
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I asked my friend what it is like living in North Korea

He said, β€œcan’t complain.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 255
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Infectedtoe32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2021
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I know a guy that pretends to take pictures for a living

He's a faux-tographer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Corleone_Michael
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26 2021
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Me and my buddy visited his father yesterday. He was painting his living room, my friend asks "wow dad, how many coats do you have on"

His dad looked himself up and down and sternly and confidently replied

"I'm wearing a shirt, son."

True story, my soul left my body.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 66
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/-Bad-Trip-
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2021
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My girlfriend says she can spend her entire life living either with roses around her...

Orchids...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ShivaKrishna999
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2021
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I’ve always wondered what Moses’s parents did for a living.

Whatever it was, they made a prophet.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2021
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What do you call a group of swamp monsters living in a big city?

Sewer-side squad

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tawawt88
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2021
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I met a taxidermist who wasn't very talkative. I asked him what he did for a living.

"Stuff"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ole_gizzard_neck
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2021
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I asked a taxidermist what he does for a living.

He said, ”Oh, you know... stuff.β€œ

πŸ‘οΈŽ 170
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zu-den-sternen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 07 2021
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There was once a horse living on a farm....

And he was a very talented guitarist, so good in fact that one day his friend the chicken turned to him and asked would he like to be in a band with him. The horse of course agreed he and the chicken who played the drums went looking for a singer and a bassist. They decided to approach the Sheep who was the best singer on the farm, the Sheep agreed and told them about how the Pig was a pretty good bass player so they all asked him to join the band and he agreed.

So The Barnyard Animals got to work practicing and rehearsing their little hearts out. They started playing open mic nights and gained some traction. After a few years they managed to get signed by a major record label and The Barnyard Animals became an international phenomenon. They toured in every country for the better part of a decade until they finally decided retire. The Horse decided to settle down in English countryside, the Chicken went to Australia, the Pig went to Japan and the Sheep went to New Zealand.

A few years later Gary Barlow contacts the Horse about getting The Barnyard Animals back together for a big charity Live Aid type concert in Wembley. The Horse contacts his band mates and they all agree. So the Pig, the Sheep and the Chicken all fly out to Singapore and get the same connection to London. But in a terrible turn of events the plane crashes and all The Barnyard Animals apart from the horse die in a fiery inferno.

The horse upon finding out that his oldest friends have all died goes into a deep depression. He locks himself in his house and tries to drink his pain away. A few weeks later when every bottle of anything that could be drank had been drunk. He puts on his hat and sunglasses so no one would be able to recognise him and heads to the closest pub. So the Horse walks into a bar and the barman says "Hey, why the long face?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Different_Rutabaga27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2021
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What do you call a bee living in America?

An USB

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Synysterslim
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14 2021
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What's the best part about living in Switzerland?

I'm not sure, but I've heard the flag is a huge plus.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Charliebubba21
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 20 2021
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What’s the advantage to living in Switzerland?

Well, the flag is a big plus.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Free_Commission6940
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 16 2021
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True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling β€œI stepped on a Bee!”

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlwaysTheAsshole1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 07 2021
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My moms boyfriend constructs stairways for a living

He's my stepdad.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/patricktoba
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 24 2021
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Living life on the edge
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wrwilson58
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2021
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My father climbed telephone poles for a living and was a well known part of the community

A lot of people looked up to him

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Advice-Novel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 12 2021
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β€œSo what’s it like living in the mountains?”

It’s got it’s ups and downs

πŸ‘οΈŽ 300
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Im-Not-dead-yet1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2021
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Due to water leakage, my bathroom collapsed through the floor into my living room.

I do not want to let that sink in.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 28 2021
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Living with my friend Cole can be tough sometimes.

He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.

It's just Cole's law.

(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 157
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/arthur_nemosnax
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2021
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What do you call it when a 40 y/o woman wants to stop delivering babies for a living?

A mid-wife crisis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ByWatterson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2021
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If you sell pee for a living...

Urine business.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2021
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Tom used to fix household appliances for a living, and then he studied hard to become a psychiatrist.

He was a repairman, now he repairs men

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/halloumisalami
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2021
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I thought I could make a decent living taking photos of the jousting spears that the Renaissance Fair was handing out

Turns out being a free lance photographer isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/excessively314
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2021
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I'm a 40 year old woman who delivers babies for a living and I just bought a brand new Corvette...

Everyone thinks I'm have a Midwife crisis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DrippyGoods
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2021
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Why did the crab like living alone?

He was a real hermit

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2021
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The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise.

I shouted 'Stop!' but if anything that made it worse. (Credit - Gary Delaney)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2021
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A fraudster who installs kitchen worktops for a living got arrested

Police say he was charged with counter fitting

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Epelep
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2021
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Came to the living room and found the TV screen was white.

"Who's watching Peace TV?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Emadthegreat
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2021
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My new neighbour asked what I did for a living, and I told her that I'm an existentialist philosopher...

Her: "So what does that mean, you just sit around thinking about being all day?"

Me: "No, some days I also think about nothing."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/antastic
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 11 2021
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After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.

But she still won't admit she framed me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2020
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It’s really hard for me to say what my wife does for a living.

She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2021
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Mrs. Dracula, from the living room: "Count Dracula!"

Count Dracula, from the basement:"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6..."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Phripheoniks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2021
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My buddy said he's been living on tins of baked beans all month.

That can't be good for his back.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2021
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I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.

At least for the four-seeable future.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2021
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I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.

It made it look a little more classy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/johnrichmondman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2021
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Once I finally finished installing the thin wood flooring in my large living room, I thought to myself...

At lath.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Uncle-Zippers
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2021
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What do you call a polar bear living in Florida?

A solar bear

Bonus: what do you call a bear that practices dentistry?

A molar bear

πŸ‘οΈŽ 68
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/westsoutheast
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2021
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Living my best loaf
πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mister_Cranch
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2021
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Covid can cause another condition, however, this condition won't come up in people living in sweden.

It's called Stuckhome syndrome

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Major_Cupcake
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2021
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Why was the farmer given an award for acting as a living scarecrow?

Because he was simply outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pistolwinky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 14 2021
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Why do they call the Engineer living at 4th Lane "Robert"?

Because his name was "Robert"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/No-Suggestion-9504
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2021
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I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/und88
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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What's the best part of living in Switzerland?

Idk but the flag is a big plus.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tiller-fly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23 2021
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I asked my Chinese friend what it was like living in China.

He said he can't complain.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 56
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29 2021
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What’s so great about living in Switzerland?

Well, their flag is a big plus

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ddubs41
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2021
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The best thing about living in switzerland?

Well, the flag's a big plus!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pinguteej
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2021
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