Given that a case of the sniffles means staying home from school, we give my daughter a daily allergy medicine. My wife was giving her breakfast before school, and when I walked out, I asked if she’d had her medicine yet.
My daughter said yes, and I replied, “So you’re de-Claritin that you’ve had it already?”
I made a joke about the song Staying Alive and how it sounds like women singing. Apparently many of you didn’t like it.
Hereby my sincere apolobeegies!
A man is staying in a hotel.
He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?”
The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”
How is everyone staying safe during the pandemic at the north pole?
They use a lot of hand santatizer.
The AC was broken at the hotel lobby I am staying at.
I wasn't expecting such a warm reception.
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?
What does u/username do when he hates the hotel he’s staying at?
With everyone staying at home, Papa Murphy’s..
must be making some dough..
Lots of people are staying indoors during the outbreak
There’s definitely a trend here, seeing as how they coincide.
The key to staying warm is lots of layers
I am staying at a hotel and watched a great movie last night with lots of cowboys, gunfights, and drinking.
It was the Best Western I’ve ever seen.
Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.
People will be lined up for blocks.
Thor has been really quiet through quarantine. I think he’s staying with his brother.
Father and daughter are staying at two stories house AirBNB and the daughter asks her father
- What's upstairs?
- Unfortunately, the stairs don't talk.
I've been staying home all day browsing through Quora
I guess I was Quorantined.
Do you know who loves staying at home right now?
I'm concerned people aren't staying in and taking the whole stay at home order seriously
Car dealerships have more cars in their lots than ever!
With everyone quarantined and staying inside, there is no one out to spy on or follow around...
The stalk market is very weak.
The hotel room I’m staying in is a gross place
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
I regret not staying up last night for New Years
But you know what they say hindsight is 2020.
During my trip to Madrid I was staying at this small motel when I grew pretty ill. Thankfully the people at the front desk sent the on call doctor over and he was able to fix me up real quick. I told him I didn't expect such a small place to have such a good doctor, to which he told me
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician
There's this guy who's been staying in one spot at the park for days without sitting or laying. People are calling him super amazing. I personally just think..
Away on vacation and got the card to our hotel room. Told my wife: “ nice we’re staying in the pie room.”
“What’s a pie room?” she replies, Room 314. We’re staying in room 314. Should have seen the look on her face.
My son asked me the secret on staying down-to-earth
"Well, I mean, gravity"
Edit: Credits to Keanu Reeves, the father of action movies ;)
I was staying at a hotel.
Some people took the stairs to their rooms, and some took the elevator. Right then I realized everyone was raised differently
Staying at a hotel and this was on my bed
What do you call horses staying in the vicinity?
What did the Christian Dad say to his kid staying up playing video games
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies
Staying dry
While visiting my school program for a multi-night trip, teachers asked how we would keep students dry in the rain. I talked about our classrooms and other indoor areas, and said they can easily make time to change clothes midday.
"I like to have my students change socks at lunch, hang them to dry, and then use them again the next morning. The socks still get worn 24 hours, but they have morning and afternoon socks."
One teacher got excited and agreed, pointed at her thigh, and said "These are my day jeans!"
I slowly looked around the room, making eye contact with all the teachers. "Does that make you a-" pause for effect "-day jean believer?"
She asked me if staying at the hotel was a problem.
I told her I had one reservation.
[totally true story just happened to me:] *the setup* staying in an airbnb... another guest arrives, he is a neuro-surgeon from south korea... interviewing at UCSF - I built that hosptial, so said to him
Wow, neuro-surgeon huh... I'd like to pick your brain....
He did not get it...
(those type of pun opportunities dont come to mind that often...) ((another one bitches))
I was staying up all night to watch the sunrise...
I'm staying on the 8th floor of a hotel, and there's a sign that says "Welcome to the Premium Rooms!"
Now that's what I call high class living!
Being married is like staying at a fancy hotel. My wife provides turn-down service every night.
What's wrong with staying up late to watch Lord of the Rings movies?
We made a video call with family staying in Mexico, Grandma dropped this one on em
"I think it's winter down there, you guys are freezing all the time!"
Bicycles have a hard time staying up because they're just two tired
We are staying in a hotel forever.
We were at a hotel this weekend and my dad pulled this on my brother and me.
I was trying to get my phone online and as usual the hotel internet took me to their website. They had a cool thing wher you could order room service or an alarm or different stuff, including checking out from the room.
Me: "Cool you can check out from the room."
Dad: "I hope so, I don't want to live here forever."
I walked straight into that one, and then we all laughed.
Now that Christmas is over, where is Santa staying for his holidays?
Hotel we're staying at
Me: It's got a musky smell in here.
Dad: Sure it's not a walleye?
Friend's parents are staying for the weekend and I found this dad joke in the bathroom this morning...
http://i.imgur.com/N8SlrOS.jpg
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