I made some toast and refused to give our little doggo a bite. My kids asked why she looked so sad...

I told them she was lack-toast intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisWasTheLast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.

Boy, was my face red!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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Let’s say you’re driving and you see a little kid and a old person. What do you hit? (Don’t know if this is a dad joke but funny anyway.)

The brakes

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/birdy9992
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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Kids, little bit of a lesson for you. Time flies like an arrow.

And fruit flies like a banana.

πŸ‘︎ 696
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirMalcolmK
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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I really don't like my kids watching Little Einsteins on the Disney channel.

There's too much sax and violins.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Why did the little kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caffene_migraines
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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My wife thinks it’s weird that I don’t miss the days when my kids were little and used to wake us up at night.

But I don’t lose any sleep over it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djmuhlestein
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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When I was little I saw this kid in my neighborhood dragging around a loaf of bread on a leash. To be funny, I said β€œHey, you have a beautiful dog!”, he responded,

β€œThanks, it’s pure bread!”.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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Witnessed in the wild, old dude talking to a sick little kid: Did you know that if your nose runs and your feet smell you're built upside down?
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourMom102938
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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My wife and kids have all really gotten into this fad of wearing vests every day. I tried it for a little while but gave up on it.

I guess I'm just not that invested

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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As a kid I didn't like my little brother.

But eventually he grew on me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/realsubxero
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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Trying to move house with three little kids is ludicrous.

The hardest part is remembering which box they’re in.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marty085
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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My friend gave his kids old fashioned names. The little boy is called Hunter.

The little girl is Gatherer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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Why did the little kid fall into the well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaYungFinesser
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
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How did the little kid feel when he dropped his toothpaste?

Crestfallen.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breyersremorse
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
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What do little kids and package deliverymen have in common?

They both play with dollies all day!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paxromana96
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
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Dad makes bad comments sometimes, and rarely one of his kids will point out that he can be a little racist.

His just shakes his head.

'I'm not racist, I'm too slow!'

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lobo0084
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2017
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Little kid named Chase was running around away from his mom at my daughter's dance today.

I told the mother she should have named him Doctor or Lawyer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
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My dad on a little kid's skeleton t-shirt

"You should really eat more, I can see your bones"

he really shouldn't tell those any more, we can all hear the groans

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warmerbread
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2015
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Why do little kids never go to see pirate movies?

Because they're all Rated ARRRRRR

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yobacca42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2016
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When I was a little kid my dad told me he met 3 Doors Down in a hotel

and that their interaction went like this:

3 Doors Down: "Hey, we're 3 Doors Down"

Dad: "So what, I'm 2 floors up."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marsyred
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
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My coworker used this dad joke on a little kid who was bored. It worked.

Girl: "I'm bored."

Coworker: "Since when did you become a piece of wood?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allipie77
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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Dad joked a kid on my son's little league team.

"Wow, that play was pretty tense!"

"You know what else has pretty tents? A campground."

"....... Aaaahhhh. Heehee!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimrob4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2014
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What do you call a place where little zombie kids play?

The plague-ground.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yawus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
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