What did the Norse god of thunder say after biting his lip during an intense workout?
Did you hear about the British plastic surgeon who specializes in lip enhancement?
How many lips does a flower have?
READ MY LIPS!!
🤦🏼♂️did I just say that with my mask on.
While at Starbucks, I said I didn't want the sippy cup lip.
They gave me my drink and said "this is the last straw."
Just had an officer at the door saying he was looking for a man with one eye...
Told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
It’s been a week now and she’s still not talking to me.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
What do you call an irish with lip injection?
How many lips do flowers have?
Why did the hipster burn his lips on coffee?
He drank it before it was cool!
(My old Language Arts teacher said this.)
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was not worth the trip.
What does a def gynecologist do?
A duck walks into a chemist and says, "Do you have any lip balm?"
Chemist says, "Sure, that'll be 95 cents!"
Duck: "Put it on my bill please."
I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick.
She still isn't talking to me
An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
Did you hear the one about how llamas would cause the end of the world?
Met a beautiful girl over Spring Break in Mexico, but she constantly talked about the end of the world.
What did the lips say to the facial muscle?
What does a Deaf Gynecologist do?
What has 4 legs and goes AAAaaaah ?
A terrorist tried to blow up a bus.....
But he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe!
What do you call a light powered by a couple of lips?
Pritt is not the best lip balm I've ever used
What do you call a person who can't hear?
You can call him anything cause he won't able to hear you.
Do not worry, my lips are sealed
What do you call it when a deaf person faceplants in quicksand?
What does a cow with no lips say?
I’m not sure why people refer to women’s privates as a flower
"You got spat on, you big baby, it's not the end of the world!"
"That's not what I said. I said it was the alpaca lips!"
Me: I'm going to grow out the hair on my upper lip, then shave it, put it in a box, and hide that box.
Wife: Why...?
Me: It's going to be my secret stash
A snake charmer was bitten on the lips
He didn't know his asp from his oboe.
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, I gave her superglue.
She is still not speaking to me.
I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick from her purse, instead of her lip stick.
She still isn’t talking to me.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick
She still isn't talking to me
What does a deaf gynecologist do?
How many lips does a flower have
What does a deaf gynecologist do?
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
How many lips does a flower have?
My girlfriend asked me to pass her the lip balm, I gave her superglue by mistake.
She’s still not talking to me.
What does a deaf man and a gynecologist have in common?
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