what do you call a tree that will never give you up, never let you down, never gonna run around and desert you?

rick ash-tree

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imboredwithlyf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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I asked Rick Astley to let me borrow his copy of the movie UP.

He said he'd never give it to me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Let's spice it up.
πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaeboomering
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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People usually say, β€œlet’s blow this popsicle stand,” when they are at a place where people are cold and have the proverbial, β€œstick up their ass.”
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForestValkyrie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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Ah man just a repost from a wrong sub. Lets get to 58 up
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mliepins11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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Let's give it up for the folks fornicating at midnight

It's a great way to start the decade off with a bang.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PreviousHistory
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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A sink walked up to the front door of a family's home, knocked, and asked to be let in.

Son: "woah, what the hell, that's a walking, knocking, talking sink, like what is that, can they even do that?"

Father: "of course they can, son. For centuries. Millennia even. They lay dormant for years at a time and then reanimate every once in a while to go somewhere new. "

Son: " I literally had no idea, that's insane, Dad."

Father: "pretty crazy, right? Now let that sink in."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hyptian
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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Growing up I couldn’t do math unless I was sitting in someone’s lap. When I was younger it was never a problem finding someone that would let me sit on their lap, but now that I’m older...

I can’t count on anyone

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spunkards97
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Never let your eye doctor cut up your cocaine

The first line is massive Then they get smaller and smaller

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenhamef
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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I had aspirations of being a doctor when I grew up. My dad said he would never let me operate on him.

Fine, I said, suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnybravoh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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The other day I had a patient who didn’t want to let me stitch up his laceration. Well fine...

Suture self

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/essjayhawk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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"I want a tattoo going down my spine, but I'll let you do anything you want," my son told the tattoo man. The tattoo man agreed to it and ended up tattooing an enormous gun my son's his spine.

Well, I guess that backfired.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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Rick Astley has a large collection of Pixar movies, and he'll let you borrow them. Except for one, he's never gonna give you Up.

Title

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwitmerhut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2015
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How I let my daughter do the dad-joking for me...and I crack up every single time:

My 13 year old daughter's new boyfriend is named Brennan.

I keep calling him Brendon.

Every time, she replies "Dad, there is no D! It's BRENNAN. NO D! Got it?!?"

And I am just thinking to myself "Good, Good...let's keep it that way."

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drumlin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
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Texted dad to let him know that I picked up the pipe elbow needed for the pool.

Me: I think I have your elbow. Dad: I thought I felt someone grab me.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/angelicmckayla
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2015
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I just let my wife know that we're going to really have to tighten up on our spending...

Everyone else should do the same. The world economy is going to crash. If 50 cents isn't worth anything, we're all screwed.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2015
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I work in a hospital. It's pretty great because if you mess up people are really chill about it, and they let you try again. It's really a good environment because...

We'd be a really shitty hospital if we didn't have any patience.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T3hN1nj4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
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Opened up my chest of dad jokes yesterday and let out a nice pair.

I was drinking with some friends when we were talking to one of them about his type of women. I asked him "tits or ass" and he said something like "I have to go with ass, although I have nothing against tits." So naturally I said "Oh well I generally prefer to be against tits actually." Ha

Later I was chilling with my girlfriend when the way we were cuddled together reminded me, so I told her that story. She groaned and said something about guys are always focused on one thing while girls like her were more well-rounded individuals. I couldn't help but respond by grabbing a boob and saying "Yes, you are well rounded!"

Hope she realizes what a great father I could be.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tremaparagon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
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