Lets go back to the future!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ki00b
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Come on, let's go to Canada

It's a really cool place.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/isuckphoneXS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad says to me,"Hey,let's go fishing! We'll take the canoe."

I told him,"It's actually pronounced"gnu."The "g" is silent!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I o, let's go, make soup
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FredoCorleone8898
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Alrighty lets go
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Berserkkiller
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Come on Col, let's go fluoride
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danw_com
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: Let's go antiquing,

I feel Victorian.

Husband: No let's not, I feel baroque.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/14to0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My couain asked for clothes, I said lets go to Tom

Hilfiger it out.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ftejadal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Now that the cat's out of the bag, let's go find him.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Creator8888
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Let's go to the movies
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Lets Go to Carr Park

Lets get a new car

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OutrageousMatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a backpack that lets me drink water while I hike. I've been debating returning it, but decided to give it another go. Yesterday I put a new straw in it, and now the straw is completely stuck and the backpack is unusable. I'm definitely returning it now.

It was the straw that broke the CamelBak.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OPs_Mom_and_Dad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Let's Go To Vegas!

My older brother texts my Dad and me today and says, "Let's go to Vegas tonight." Never one to be interested in gambling, my Dad suggests going to one of the nearby Indian Reservation casinos. The problem is, the local casinos have only card games - so my brother responds with, "Nah, no craps."

My Dad's response, "Then just take one before you go."

I chortled.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phanfromcheese
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
🚨︎ report
So I hired this dude to count people in the Bible for me. How many Noah's are there. How many Moseses. That sort of thing. Well, today, he stopped about halfway through. I'm sad to say that I had to let him go.

I mean, he only had one Job.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gaudiocomplex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Where does the devil go to let loose?

Six six six flags.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iiooiooi
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2022
🚨︎ report
Let’s go bananas
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScoopSnuffelaar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I let go a quick symphony of musical-sounding farts...

My kids yelled, "what the hell, dad?!" I responded, "that was my toot suite."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2022
🚨︎ report
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese,

a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean

all go to a bar..

The doorman stops them and says "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.

πŸ‘︎ 45k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StephenGTS125
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2022
🚨︎ report
"if you have a full shopping cart and someone behind you has 2 items do you let them go in front of you?"

"Not if there are public restrooms."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzguitarma
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2022
🚨︎ report
Wife: "Let's get going, I have your keys."

Me: "When did you get dogs?"

Wife: "... What??"

Me: "You said you have Yorkies."

She left without me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DuctTapeNinja99
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2022
🚨︎ report
I can't stand people who can't let go of the past

Debt collectors are the worst.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Turbulent-Use7253
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2022
🚨︎ report
"Why won't you let go of your new hair gel?" asked my wife. "You've had it in your hands all evening!"

Stupid woman.

On the lid it clearly says "Twenty four hour hold".

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2022
🚨︎ report
We were watching Elsa sing, "Let It Go" on Disney + when the video started buffering...then stopped. No movement on the screen at all.

Yup. It's definitely frozen.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thesuperman90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Arrested the coffee mug, but had to let it go...

...since there were no grounds for indictment.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaserCop2022
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2022
🚨︎ report
A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
🚨︎ report
Let me go to my...
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onairmastering
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Dad: Let’s all go for a dim sum brunch! Mom: Why dim sum, hon?

So I can siomai love for you.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DGMJersey123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally let go of my portable speaker.

I let the beat drop.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/disastermaster255
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you know when a cowboy is conservative?

When it's time to mark the cattle, they shout Let's go brandin'!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blandish06
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2022
🚨︎ report
Jeff Bezos: Let’s Go to Space!

Space: A new Challenger has appeared!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SecretBaklavas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
🚨︎ report
She doesn't like puns or DBZ. Let her go.
πŸ‘︎ 563
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpasticGinger234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Dave

Dave was bragging to his boss one day,

"You know, I know everyone famous there is to know"

"Go on - Just name someone, anyone, and I bet that know them"

Tired of his boasting, his boss decides to call Dave's bluff,

"OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"Not a problem boss"

"Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it"

So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door.

Tom Cruise is at home and answers the door himself and shouts,

"Dave! What's happening?"

"Great to see you!"

"Come on in for a beer!

Although shocked and more than a little impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical and he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just pure luck.

"No, no, just name anyone else then"

Dave says.

"President Biden!"

His boss quickly retorts.

"Yup"

Dave says, "We're buddies from years ago"

"Let's fly out to Washington and I'll show you"

So they fly out to Washington and go on the Whitehouse tour"

"While walking through the White House, Biden himself appears, spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying,

"Dave, what a surprise,it's great to see you again after all this time"

"I was just on my way to a meeting but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up"

After they leave the White House grounds the boss tells Dave that he's still not entirely convinced.

Dave again implores him to name another famous person.

After thinking about it for a long timethe boss replies with,

"The Pope!"

"Sure thing!"

Says Dave,

"I've known the Pope for years - since before he became Pope in fact"

So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Saint Peter's Square at the Vatican.

Dave says,

"This will never work"

"I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people"

"Tell you what, I know all the Pope's guards here as well so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him,

"What happened?"

His boss looks up and says,

"It was the final straw"

"You and the Pope came out on the balcony and a Japanese tourist next to me said, to me... "

"Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?"

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orcamarine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2021
🚨︎ report
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

(This was approved by a fellow kid with ADD, AKA me)

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spicy_girllll
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2022
🚨︎ report
And now for some β€œin-depth” coverage, let’s go live to our reporter.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
🚨︎ report
He just couldn’t let go
πŸ‘︎ 145
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't let my kids go online. There's too many PDF files on there!
πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a friend who performed in a circus

His act had him using his body to transmit electricity to a lightbulb. He was really cool and all the people were amazed. But one day the lightbulb started to grow dimmer and dimmer before it eventually never lit up. As such he was removed from the circus.

A few months later he calls me to tell me his music passion paid off and he was hired to lead an orchestra! But at their first concert everyone got lost on the sheet music and the audience all went home with headaches. He was let go shortly after that as well.

Eventually he got this new job, but he called me a few days later as an absolute wreck, sobbing to the phone about how he was fired from that job as well, and he was so sad because it had him in a train and he loved trains.

I wasn't really sure how to go about telling him he was a bad conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Piper_Brioche
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2022
🚨︎ report
When the Mrs. could tell I was in the mood, she immediately let me know that tonight wasn’t going to happen.

She said: β€œNot tonight. Period.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brian_Cirgury
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My cousin asked for clothes, i replied "Let's go to Tom....

...Hilfiger it out"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ftejadal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Let it go...

...or Elsa

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/basickq
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My old boss was a coward and whenever he fired someone, he always had me type up the email to tell them they were let go. One day I couldn’t take it anymore…

I told him to do his own QWERTY work

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Limehulio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
🚨︎ report
A theatre company let some people go, they hired to many to play clouds...

They Overcast

πŸ‘︎ 129
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sweet_Decibel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I got let go from the dairy farm.

Apparently I don't work well with udders.

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sup_doge
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend asked: "Now that you're self employed, are you going to let your hair grow?"

"I'm letting it. But it's not taking advantage of the opportunity."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ksandom
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I got arrested for dumping ice under the overpass last night. I thought they would have let me go this morning.

Surely it's just water under the bridge by now?

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/midget_clown
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Two hungry dogs find themselves out in front of a butchers shop ...

Dog One says to his buddy: "Let's just go right in and beg for some meat."

Dog Two: "But the sign says 'No Dogs Allowed!' "

Dog One: "How would they know that we can read?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2022
🚨︎ report
One day all mathematical signs gathered together in order to go into an adventure. Right before they were leaving, they didn't let the equal sign go with them.

They wanted to live an adventure without equal

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tadashi4
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What has two thumbs and won't let them go?

My kid

Seriously, give me back my thumbs

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjo_kes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
How does an Italian Terminator say goodbye?

Pasta La Pizza Baby!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.