What powers an electric kettle?

Electrici-tea.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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What did the kernel of corn say to the other after they sealed the deal?

β€œI guess it’s kettled then!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BM_14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.

My mate reckons I have selfie steam issues

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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I call my kettle Jim Carrey.

Because it brews all my tea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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I call my kettle Jim Carey.

Because he brews-all-my-tea.

πŸ‘︎ 459
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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An old doodle I found on my phone! β€œPot calling the kettle black”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JugglingJew07
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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What does a confident kettle have

Self-e-steam

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gutted-melon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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The kettle's singing
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberNips
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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"I'd like to buy a kettle please."

"We're out of them at the moment, I can order one for you Mr...?"

"Boyle"

"Alright, let me order one for you first"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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My wife keeps asking me to put the kettle (jug) on..

My response β€œbut it won’t suit me”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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I decided to try growing pot...

So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all. Just water it with Kettle One and wok away without really frying. Hopefully it’ll produce a nice stock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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Mum asked Dad to put the kettle on.

Of course he puts it on his head and asks how he looks. We all chuckle in a pained kind of way and Mum says "Can you turn the kettle on, dear?"

And that is when he starts chatting to the kettle, stroking it sensually. sigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onrv
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2016
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How much to kettle drums cost?

Ten pennies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/me_me_big_boi
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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Pot to kettle

Ya know that mouthwatering hunger you get when you smell the meat cooking on the BBQ. I wonder if vegetarians get the same feeling when they mow the lawn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sprtoad80
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Told my dad to boil the kettle

He said wouldn't it be better to boil some water

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bjinc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2015
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I asked my dad, who was standing in the kitchen, "Can you please turn the kettle on"

So he started doing a strip tease

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boy_Lilikoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2013
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Blanch: "Why did pickling upset you so badly? Is everything ok?" Me: "The whole experience was quite jarring...."

Blanch: "I get it. That can leave you in a bad headspace but, I'm an open kettle - you can tell me anything."

Me: "I just need to vent, Blanch."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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The tea leaves were brewing an unrest...

... and they are now trapped in a kettle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matthewrmshin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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why did the man urinate into a kettle full of dried fruit?

He wanted to go on a hot date.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ardovikian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2016
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Me "Hey Dad, put the kettle on"

Dad.. " I don't think it'll fit me?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spikey88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2016
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My step-mum asked my dad whether she should put the kettle on.

He replied, "It won't suit you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toblabob
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
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I’ve started making sardine flavoured tea, but I’m slightly reluctant to extend my experimentation to mackerel flavour.

It’s a different kettle of fish altogether.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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In the UK, weights are really expensive,

A 45 kilo kettle bell is 100 pounds!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on."

After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah," she replied, "…but I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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Ruth's Mom

Ruth's mom made cookies. She left the kitchen and when she returned, the cookies were all eaten. She thought Ruth ate them, but she wanted to know for sure. She put the kettle on, because she knew if she wanted the truth from her daughter she would have to have the tea first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Urwinator
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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After hearing how popular bucket lists were, I thought I would write my own.

Bucket

Pail

Pot

Kettle

Can

Scuttle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealSquiggy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
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My Dad with the dad joke/pun combo

Me: Dad can you turn the kettle on?

Dad: Sure thing!

(walks to kettle, bends down and whispers)

Dad: Oh Kettle you're so hot...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Orbital9221
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2014
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Me: Who wants a cup of tea?

Brother: I thought it would of already been made

Dad: It's only July.

Me: I'll go and put the kettle on then.

Dad: Go on then but I don't think it will suit you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samix13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
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First dad joke of the year, it's gonna be hard to top this one

Mum: "Shall I put the kettle on?"

Dad: "I don't think it'll fit you, love."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rxchelly
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
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My dad and sister always use this on me.

(Context: I drink a lot of tea)

family member puts kettle on

Me: hey (family member), can you make me a cup of tea please.

(Family member): points magic fingers at me ZZZAP, you're a cup of tea!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackcat74
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2017
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My father could be this sub's mascot.

Dad's visiting for a couple of weeks, and this is our first conversation this morning.

I get out of bed and go straight to the kettle to boil water for my morning coffee. I'm limping because my foot fell asleep while I was browsing Reddit in bed a couple of minutes before.

Dad: What happened?

Me: My foot fell asleep.

Dad: Make sure there's enough water for a second cup of coffee.

:l

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyRook
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2015
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My dad in the kitchen.

Me: 'Dad put the kettle on'

Dad: 'It won't suit me'

Every. Time. 24 Years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ariokiasamy
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2014
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Any time someone makes a cup of tea

Me: Drink? Dad: Wouldn't say no to a cuppa. Me: I'll put the kettle on. Dad: Let me know if it fits!

Oh Dad!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atcost
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
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Every time someone makes a cup of tea in my house

"I'll put the kettle on"

"It won't suit you!"

As funny the millionth time as it was the first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/egg651
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
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Just dad joked my girlfriend

Girlfriend: Can you go and put the kettle on? Me: Don't think it'd suit me my darling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marsox33
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2014
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Cup of tea, dear?

Woke up on Sunday morning, said to the girlfriend I'd go put the kettle on.

I asked "How do I look?" when I came back into the bedroom wearing it on my dead.

She tutted...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevekez
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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Catching my own Dad with a dad joke

My father drinks much tea and very often the conversation ressembles

DAD: Could you put the kettle on

ME: I'll try but i doubt it'll fit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/massafakka
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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What powers an electric kettle?

Electrici-tea.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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